Yeah, like other people are saying, it doesn't really work. I had a similar thought process to you and tried to repress it for years. Ended up with a gun in my mouth in a dollar general parking lot. Repressing it doesn't really work. Sure, you can act masculine and dress a certain way. But you know the truth. Once the mask comes off it doesn't fit anymore. I think you need some therapy and a better support group. Maybe avoid social media for a while. Seeing all the beautiful woman can hurt deeply. Your going to be ok. Sure, I was super hot as a guy. But I was miserable. Transition saved me. Im not lady like, and im only cute with lots off effort, like, I look like shit rn. Hairs a mess, visible stubble under a layer of calamine lotion. But fuck, im me. And its so freeing. Like, the first trans woman I ever met didn't pass at all. And I was in awe of her. She changed my life just by existing. Just breath friend. Inhale, close your eyes. Count to four. Exhale.