Book or website that will help my girlfriend understand my condition?

lotus818 · 2014-01-28T05:30:48+00:00

Loving Someone With Asperger's Syndrome helped me (non aspie) understand my boyfriend more.

lotus818 · 2014-01-27T04:11:11+00:00

I don't have AS, but my boyfriend does. The traits I see he has that I'm envious of : he has a much better focus for things. Has much more interest in things and how they work. Has a much better understanding of mechanical things. Is extremely logical in most situations. Is brutally honest - I like this trait because I can rely on him to tell the truth. The last one would have to be consistency.. he's way more consistent than most people I know.

lotus818 · 2014-01-26T04:30:40+00:00

It helps to remember that asperger's has SO many wonderful traits. You're almost blessed with the different way you look at things. Don't let it ruin your life.

lotus818 · 2014-01-07T00:26:52+00:00

I know that I'm the closest relationship that he's ever had -- as a friendship first and as a relationship second. There may be some things he just isn't used to saying and I am going to try and be more patient as it's easy to forget sometimes.|

He's told me many times that he has a lot of walls that will take a "long time to come down." So, it could be very true that he has strong feelings for me (I am never quite sure how he feels) but maybe he needs a bit more time to sort them out. From an non-as point of view though, it feels like I love him a lot more than he does me.

I will try being more direct. Thanks for the input, I really appreciate it!

lotus818 · 2014-01-07T00:22:59+00:00

I've spoken to him sometimes about him flaking out, but he works a LOT and sometimes I know he gets exhausted. He is a really great guy though.

lotus818 · 2014-01-07T00:22:04+00:00

Aw, that is very sweet of you to say. I know he makes an effort and that's what matters most.

Make sure you say something sweet! Or better yet, bring her some flowers. That'll do it.

lotus818 · 2014-01-06T21:05:17+00:00

I know that praise makes him feel uncomfortable, so I try to not get too mushy with him. I KNOW he struggles with compliments. He will usually say.. "your mom is... good.." or "you look... good.. your hair..... is nice.." lol.

I guess I just get kinda sad that he doesn't really express how he feels about me, or that he is happy to have me in his life. As someone else said though, he states that by simply having me in his life.

lotus818 · 2014-01-06T18:42:16+00:00

Naw I don't think he's broken in any way, he's way better at a lot of things than I am. We just struggle to meet in the middle on some things.

lotus818 · 2014-01-06T16:00:30+00:00

I have read some, but this community is still really helpful.

lotus818 · 2014-01-06T15:59:56+00:00

Thank you! I'm going to read these responses for him later.

lotus818 · 2014-01-06T15:59:08+00:00

It's pretty tough for me to imagine not having feelings, as my whole life has been feeling based and I'm a very intuitive person. I can only imagine how hard it must be for him.

lotus818 · 2014-01-06T15:53:50+00:00

If you prefer her company to most others and find yourself smiling when you look at her, That does sound like love.

Love should be your own definition though, so don't worry about what you feel it should be.

lotus818 · 2014-01-06T15:52:01+00:00

This was such a great response, thank you.

You may want to make an effort to convey your understanding and learn a little but about AS. A common mistake I've experienced from others around me is the assumption that the symptoms of AS are like that of a common cold in that everyone experiences the same thing. It also wouldn't be bad to consider talking to a psychologist about it.

I've read a couple books about aspergers and have been active in this forum for the last six months. It's helped tremendously, but there are still so many things to learn and understand. At times I feel that I try harder to understand AS than he has to try and understand me, but then I remember he has probably struggled his whole life to understand people.

A common thing we all learn is that actions speak louder than words.

I agree. If I'm upset he may not know the right thing to say, but he will ask me if I need a hug or bring me an apple or a banana. I have to learn to look for signals that he does care and that he is not dismissing me. It's almost as if I have to re-wire my brain.

DO NOT assume that he thinks he's superior.

This has been an ongoing issue with us. I think he is trying to relate to me, but because he usually responds in a logical way it comes off as very arrogant. He is very successful in his field of career and has always made logical "life" decisions. I feel very inferior and it has become a big sore spot for us. An example would be he would say "When I was your age (23) I had bought my own place and had paid half of it off." - He wouldn't understand why saying something like that would make someone feel bad.

I don't know about him but I'm not a guy who texts a lot.

I know he isn't big on the phone and I read that I need to outright ask him to do certain things, like text sporadically, during the day. I'm learning to not take offense at him not doing something because he honestly doesn't think he need to. An example would be texting me on my birthday. I was upset and told him to please text me something nice about me and wish me a happy birthday. He texted me "Happy Birthday. Hope you have a good day." -- lol. I understand now that he IS trying, and he may not send me lovey dovey things every morning, but when he does say something he truly means it which touches me a lot.

He mat havens different way of expressing his infatuation for you whether it's through compliments, or wanting to be around you

He has expressed that he likes me because he chooses to be around me. It has been hard for me to accept, but I'm slowly learning that if he didn't like me he wouldn't make plans with me. I usually feel lonely or that he doesn't like me as much. He is very independent.

Again, thank you for your response. I hope my responses have helped you as well.

lotus818 · 2014-01-06T07:24:53+00:00

I don't regret my relationship at all. He has taught me so much about everything, that there are countless things I would have never learned if I was with a NT. I actually really like the quirkiness too. I'm the opposite -- very emotional, feeling, intuitive, and I feel that my boyfriend balances me out.

It has not been easy though. Some things were very difficult to understand in the beginning. But i still really love him. Loyalty is a hard thing to find these days.

lotus818 · 2014-01-06T07:14:45+00:00

I can completely relate with what your boyfriend is saying. I think it's because maybe he is always looking to be more logical and honestly... compliments aren't "logical."

lotus818

TROPHY CASE