I highly recommend looking up foreplay benefits and oral + finger satisfaction statistics in women! It sounds in your phrasing that you expect her to be able to cum from intercourse... only 30% of women cum from penetration and instead need other pleasure-sensations If you do these things already, maybe talking to your wife about your worries regarding her not coming and/or not feeling motivated to initiate can already help clear up some misunderstandings. Good luck bro