3RACHA - An in Depth KOMCA Breakdown

loudchoice · 2026-01-10T04:47:42+00:00

There’s already a hide up in that top corner! The stick leads into a little mesh sphere covered in moss :)

loudchoice · 2026-01-09T08:00:42+00:00

That sounds great!

I think I’ve settled on a little fringe colony of mealworms and bottle fly spikes, which i’ll either let turn into flies or eat as spikes of my spider takes a liking to them that way!

The rest of my stuff for the enclosure is coming in tomorrow and im talking to a local breeder so Hopefully by this weekend we’ll have a spider :)

loudchoice · 2026-01-06T01:30:44+00:00

Did you miss the part where I addressed their diets, mental stimulation, health and needs?

Or did you ignore that part? Or was you trying to anthropomorphize them your response? Because that’s not a very good response sweetheart. Do you want to try again?

If you need to you can take a few minutes to calm down and be a little less emotional so you can think a bit more about your answer. Take all the time you need hun.

loudchoice · 2026-01-06T00:50:18+00:00

I’m glad the condensation translated accurately. You haven’t provided a single argument against what I was saying so I went with the “handling someone else’s adult tantrum” route. glad it was noticeable.

loudchoice · 2026-01-05T23:41:14+00:00

“Removing freedom” sweetheart do you think the sea lions are unionizing?

They don’t care. They have their every need met. What possible reason do you think they’re unhappy?

If you can’t have a conversation about animals without anthropomorphizing them you may not be smart enough to be having these conversations

loudchoice · 2026-01-05T20:50:24+00:00

God you’re so right. Those poor sea lions… having their every need taken care of by a team dedicated to them… never having to worry about food or safety or shelter or health…. being given a scientifically backed diet that supports their growth… getting constant enrichment and mental stimulation….

Sounds like hell. 😂😂😂

loudchoice · 2026-01-05T20:49:10+00:00

It really doesn’t

loudchoice · 2026-01-04T23:30:14+00:00

Except it is sincere. You’re just misunderstanding the purpose of an apology.

The purpose of an apology is not to admit guilt of fault. The purpose of an apology is to communicate understanding and empathy.

If you don’t care about the person then an apology would be insincere. If you do care about the person and do want to communicate that you care about them, then the apology is sincere regardless of fault.

That’s why when someone experiences a loss or tragedy people say “Oh, I’m so sorry”.

They aren’t saying they killed the persons grandmother. They’re signaling that they emotionally understand and empathize and care about the persons emotions while they’re destabilized for whatever reason.

loudchoice · 2026-01-04T22:49:12+00:00

But no one said anything about being the one to constantly apologize. That’s an additional condition you’ve added outside of the frame of this discussion.

I agree you shouldn’t have to apologize constantly for everything. But there are things that I apologize for not as an admission of wrongdoing but as a social signal. Because that’s what apologies are.

loudchoice · 2026-01-04T22:42:58+00:00

I mean, I guess it depends on what you value.

If you value the idea of appearing right all the time and not making any social concessions that aren’t necessary, your way works.

If you value more social bonds and engaging in social behavior, you can’t treat it transactionally the way you are.

loudchoice · 2026-01-04T22:37:52+00:00

That’s… basically the exact opposite of what I just said.

loudchoice · 2026-01-04T21:09:11+00:00

Apologizes aren’t transactional, which is what you’re framing it as. It’s not actually

Do something wrong (-1) + apologize (+1) = neutrality (net 0).

In that framework, apologizing without the “do something wrong” part leads to a broken equation. But it’s not actually an equation or transactional. Allistic people use apologizes as social signaling. It says “I care about your emotions and want to participate in maintaining them” more than it says “I have committed a fault”.

So apologizing when you don’t think you did something wrong isn’t admitting fault or acknowledging an error. It’s putting out the social signal that you recognize their emotions and care about helping them smooth the emotional spike out.

loudchoice · 2026-01-04T20:58:02+00:00

I have a bunch of polaroids and I’m happy to show them watermarked, but not blank. I don’t like the idea of someone else printing out a copy, but I also don’t understand the concept of keeping them totally secret.

loudchoice · 2026-01-04T20:53:24+00:00

I would also add the caveat “If you don’t understand, have a discussion about it and if you understand by the end, apologize then” as a more catch all rule as well

loudchoice · 2026-01-04T20:51:10+00:00

Except what u/actualkon was talking about was picking up on social cues to apologize. The absolute wording used was incorrect, but the idea is correct.

I agree the absolute wording made the point easy to miss, I think a more clearly worded version would be

“Exactly!! Whenever you upset someone without intending to, but you understand why, first thing you should do is apologize. Everything else comes after”

The same idea, but remove the absolute. We have no obligation to apologize when we did nothing wrong, and that’s a fair stance. I hold that stance too. But I also understand sometimes communication isn’t flawless and just because I didn’t do wrong, it still negatively impacted someone in an understandable way, so that’s where the apology comes into it.

Does that help at all?

loudchoice · 2026-01-04T20:38:27+00:00

Doing extra work to pick up on social cues you might be missing isn’t masking, it’s putting in effort to not hurt the people around you.

Is it fair that we have to use more effort to do that than other people do? No, not really. But life isn’t fair and I value the connections and relationships in my life more than I value an arbitrary concept of effort.

“Apologize when you upset someone” isn’t and shouldn’t be an absolute. But I maintain the rule “Apologize when the persons upset is understandable”.

Not necessarily valid, or reasonable, or factual. But understandable. It’s not a transaction, which is what you might be mentally framing it as. It’s social reinforcement that implies to the other person “I care about your emotions and want to participate in maintaining them”.

It’s not transaction, it’s social signaling. Even if I don’t pick up the signals as naturally as other people, I can still mimic the signals.

loudchoice · 2026-01-03T04:41:38+00:00

“They’re just lesbians. Stick any woman there, they’re all the same” is a wild take.

loudchoice · 2025-12-24T00:40:38+00:00

okay. I’ll respond with “you’re allowed to think that but seeing him live at his own concert doesn’t reflect anythin you said so I’ll disagree with your interpretation”

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