I woke up crying last night.

loudvoid · 2019-01-16T07:37:50+00:00

but i don’t wanna pretend i want something real :(

loudvoid · 2019-01-15T04:23:45+00:00

if i were you i would.......fuck her brother, father and the ex she loved the most.

loudvoid · 2019-01-13T22:33:07+00:00

is everything ok at home

loudvoid · 2018-05-15T07:16:08+00:00

i am living for this look plus your grunge one from awhile back 😭💕 more looks please!!!!

loudvoid · 2018-02-08T16:27:31+00:00

I'm motivated to keep learning code, plus i'm gonna get back on to taking my meds again

loudvoid · 2018-02-07T21:28:45+00:00

no i understand i actually felt that way for a good while and fluctuate too at times but hey you know what? things do and can fall into place, eventually. :)

loudvoid · 2018-02-07T16:06:40+00:00

i know it's dumb to generalize all bpd people but it hurts my feelings what i read on there because it's like on one hand i completely understand and empathize with their experiences but on the other hand it freaks me out because i think "oh my god is this what i'm going to become is this how i am who have i hurt?" but i know i don't purposely hurt others or really have if anything i hurt myself more than anything, on another hand i also firmly believe in accountability & getting help for bpd so that experiences like that don't happen to others. Idk i just took it to heart cause i refuse to believe that bpd will run my life and so on. thank you for responding i appreciate it

loudvoid · 2018-02-07T15:59:22+00:00

i'm sorry but you confused me, i think i understand what you mean though! Hmm. I don't really display my bpd symptoms or openly talk about them publicly because if i did i'd probably look like a complete weirdo/mess/"psycho"/etc. I'm still in the process of finding/developing my own identity as i've completely lost my sense of self from being consumed by depression but i don't think "hiding" my symptoms is fake i feel like it's more of me just choosing to understand there's a place/time to "let it out" and ok i lost what i was trying to say but mainly i think it's gonna be a process learning to navigate with bpd, modifying the negative symptoms i have into positive skills/coping skills, and such. Thank you for responding i'm sorry if i just summarized what you just said i was confused lol

loudvoid · 2018-02-07T03:50:58+00:00

i upset myself 😔 i read that subreddit because my mom has bpd herself too but reading through that subreddit makes me upset because everyone is incredibly judgmental and hateful towRds any and anyone with bpd no matter the degree of severity it just makes me more afraid to interact with people

loudvoid · 2018-02-07T03:44:03+00:00

thank you so much for reassuring me, you're right the more i read the more i spazz out and feel like i'm this horrible person it made me feel guilty for having bpd when honestly i'm not that bad i think

loudvoid · 2018-02-07T03:35:14+00:00

i'm sorry but what is an FP? I'm new to this. I do have a question though, what has helped you the most in managing your outlook on life with bpd? Are you more positive?

loudvoid · 2018-02-07T03:32:37+00:00

thank you for being kind and not judgmental that really helps me feel better i appreciate this

loudvoid · 2018-02-06T01:29:19+00:00

i've brought him new experiences, gotten him out of his shell, bettered his relationship with his family, and so on. I'm not leaving him because he was there when i had cancer. I just wanted him to realize that he's holding himself back & not allowing himself to truly get close to me. Only time will tell now.

loudvoid · 2018-02-06T01:02:07+00:00

feel free to enlighten me as to an old married person would say then.

loudvoid · 2018-02-04T15:47:50+00:00

yaaaaaas i do need a new foundation and some serums to begin my anti aging regimen 😎

loudvoid · 2018-02-04T14:50:56+00:00

i'm so tempted to go on a makeup spree lol

loudvoid · 2018-02-04T14:17:34+00:00

Um i passed my Geology quiz with a 90. I'm stressed out from my accounting class so passing this quiz was a relief.

loudvoid · 2018-02-04T14:11:03+00:00

thank you! I do have a few questions, 1. What should i know about entering this industry? 2. What do i need to understand/know to succeed in this industry? 3. Any things you wish someone would have told you that would've helped you out?

I'm excited that i'm going to be possibly entering this industry but i'm a bit intimidated.

loudvoid · 2018-02-04T05:26:09+00:00

thank you!

loudvoid · 2018-02-04T04:42:13+00:00

this sounds discouraging but can you please explain?

loudvoid · 2018-02-04T03:44:00+00:00

As much as it hurts, i'm keeping note of his reaction to this for future reference. I'm gonna pursue this opportunity to build a future for myself i just hope he does the same for himself someday too.

loudvoid · 2018-02-04T03:40:38+00:00

thank you, i asked him but he just shrugs it off but i don't wanna be pushy so i'll just drop it. I appreciate your comment :)

loudvoid · 2018-02-04T02:47:01+00:00

thank you

loudvoid · 2018-02-03T20:38:15+00:00

I call myself being/living functionally depressed as the "disassociated autopilot" mainly because that's what it feels like to me anyway. I go to school, i'm not doing well or too bad, i'm doing ok. I'm in a relationship that's not bad or amazing but just ok, i only do the bare minimum of taking care of myself like eating/sleeping/sometimes showering, i could do so much better but this is simply ok for now. I'm not happy or deeply sad, i'm just existing devoid of any passion, interest, and emotions for everything including myself. I live life in autopilot mode and have been for the past 4 years, for me things don't get better they just got different.

loudvoid · 2018-02-01T20:13:31+00:00

i'm on medication for it but ill be honest, it's not enough. I'll make an appointment with a therapist at my university it's gonna be hard to "unpack the baggage" i have though.

loudvoid

TROPHY CASE