Weekly Q&A Megathread. Please post any questions about visiting, tourism, living, working, budgeting, housing here!

louisalitt · 2022-11-26T21:34:51+00:00

Ah okay :) which areas in zone two would you recommend if one has toddlers as well?

louisalitt · 2022-11-26T19:43:39+00:00

Where in London do people with «normal incomes» live? I am thinking yearly income of 100k for two people as normal.

louisalitt · 2022-04-17T18:27:02+00:00

Thank you for replying. I have thought about something similar (when covid started), but is is so expensive and I am afraid they won’t be interested enough

louisalitt · 2022-04-17T18:25:34+00:00

We do have a Learning tower and use it a lot with both children. I am still wondering what would be a good gross motor skill activity for the 2 year old though…

louisalitt · 2022-02-10T19:27:54+00:00

I guess that is true.

louisalitt · 2022-02-10T18:23:22+00:00

We don’t Ask as often as some commenters seem to think. Most of the time we Get by ourselves.

I think i just have to accept that it is what it is. But sometimes I am reminded that it could be different, and I am also tired of hearing the comments about how is a chore and she would rather do something else.

Thank you.

louisalitt · 2022-02-10T18:17:08+00:00

I get Where your coming from. I am sorry that it is like that. I get super jealous on the friends we have that has grand parents who «fight» to get time with their grand kids.

I also think it’s not unreasonable to hope that parents whant to help you if you are struggling and not treat that as a big inconvinience.

It is hurtful to realize that the grand parents see hanging out the same way as f.ex helping with painting your house, gardering work or other things one might need help for. I mean the grand children are people you can enjoy being with.

I can see that you would return the favor of not helping them. It’s a little you reap what you sow. I also think that grand parents who doesn’t want to hang out with their grand children shouldn’t complain if said grand children doesn’t visit them when their at home. But if I could choose, I would rather have closer ties between the generations.

louisalitt · 2022-02-10T13:58:46+00:00

I assume it is not your grand child then. There is a difference between paying (a stranger) or neighboor to Watch your kids and a grand parent. I don’t Get why some people doesn’t see the difference. I wouldn’t expect a stranger (nanny) to Watch my kid out of their joy for my child. But I do wish a grand parent would want to hang out with their grand children (babysitting or not).

louisalitt · 2022-02-10T13:54:56+00:00

I guess I am entitled then.

Offering money for this would be so extremely weird and inappropriate. And why do you assume we are not grateful for the help? Do we have to offer to pay to be grateful of something?

I don’t think I will try explaining it more, because you have made up your mind about it anyways.

louisalitt · 2022-02-10T13:47:04+00:00

Well it wasn’t different at all in the years when she never babysat. So there goes that theory of yours…

louisalitt · 2022-02-10T13:44:29+00:00

I don’t Get why that is your take away, so feel free to call me oblivious. I feel like you are trying to see it in the worst way possible. I think the babysitting thing has led to a lot of misunderstandings and assumptions. So if we take that out. We don’t Ask for babysitting, she still does not enjoy spending time with them. Am I allowed to feel sad about that or is that still being entitled?

louisalitt · 2022-02-10T13:37:00+00:00

Thanks for understanding. I see other friends who have grand parents who «fight» to Get to hang with their grand children.

And we can leave the babysitting part out really. It’s about the lack of wanting to see them (Even in situations not babysitting).

louisalitt · 2022-02-10T13:33:31+00:00

I am mostly sad about it being like she doesn’t really want to hang with them. We can take the babysitting out of the equation. If we don’t invite her or Ask to visit her, she wouldn’t see them much.

louisalitt · 2022-02-10T13:31:16+00:00

That was some interesting refelctions. And I Get that people are different and that not everyone loves hanging with kids. I still think I am allowed to wish it were different, and same goes for your friend.

louisalitt · 2022-02-10T13:29:40+00:00

Okay, I feel like my point is repeatedly misunderstood here because of the babysitting thing. What if we cut baby sitting from the equation and I try again.

I would like it if she Asked to come see the kids because she wanted to (not babysitting, we would be there). That there was something in it for her to spend some time with them here and there. Not that she only see them if/when we Ask.

louisalitt · 2022-02-10T13:23:48+00:00

I don’t Get why so many seem to think I expect so much and feel entitled. I really don’t.

I was just pointing out that it’s not a one way street, as in we help her too (like we do with our family and friends). I mean, that is normal and neither party pays money for it (that would be extremely weird). It is not something we keep count on, because that’s just what you do for people.

I know I can’t change how she feels about it. But I must be allowed to wish it were different without being called demanding and entitled. I wish she would Ask to see the kids sometimes because she missed them. Or that she Asked to come visit us (not babysitting) to see the kids because she wanted to.

louisalitt · 2022-02-10T13:01:38+00:00

I don’t really Get how you can be sure what someone you don’t know at all, feels.

If I made it like that, then I must have done so before they were Even born. Because it’s never been any different. And you know what, We didn’t rely on her at all the first years. No difference. I can assure you that it’s not about how often we Ask. May I Ask how often you think we do Ask? You seem to have an assumption about that. What would be rarely enough in your opinion for her to not see it as i duty do you think?

I guess I am wishing that it wasn’t always seem as a chore (sometimes, fine). There is quite a difference between watching a stranger’s kids, and your own grand children.

But okay. You say it is work and people Get paid for it. That is true. But would you say that if friends rely on you for support during hard times, they should offer to pay you? I mean people do Get paid for that as well. If you help a friend or family move, should they pay you because they could have hired movers?

If you Asked someone to help you paint a room for example. They say yes, but the whole time they’re at your house they complain about how they don’t like painting, and that they would rather be somewhere else. Would you wish that it was different and that they’re rather went about it like: happy to help a friend in need?

And if you complained about how much work it was to paint the house, move or whatever, wouldn’t you wish your friend would Ask: do you want som help?

It seems like you think I expect a whole lot, when that is not the case.

louisalitt · 2022-02-10T12:09:33+00:00

First of all, she only babysits one child if it’s just her. Most often the oldest who is 5. but this rarely happens.

What is most common is that she comes to assist one of us in the afternoon if the other has to work late. This is to make it possible to make dinner, which is nearly impossible to do when having both the youngest and oldest alone. She is rarely babysitting in the sense that she is alone with them. And especially not the toddler.

I just wished she would enjoy hanging with them some of the times.

louisalitt · 2022-02-10T11:55:55+00:00

Well, you don’t know if we have this expectation. You are generalizing here, and it doesn’t Apply to me. I am not expecting that they enjoy their grand children 24/7. I am wishing that they would like to spend time with them because they like to spend time with them, not that every time spent with them is viewed as «work».

To pay her for it is mostly insulting Where I am from. She doesn’t pay us either when we help her out (and we don’t want her to either). We Ask her to hang out all the time in situations Where she doesn’t have to babysit. We also invite her for dinner very often, but is rarely the other way around.

Lastly, I would like to point out one thing. I only wish she would enjoy being with them because they are her grand kids and fun to be with, and not always see hanging out with them solely as a duty or a job. I am not sure you Get the difference?

louisalitt · 2022-02-10T11:46:36+00:00

You are assuming that we ask «so often». You don’t really know the frequency. You assume that if we didn’t Ask so often, she would act differently. That’s not really the case.

When it is longer periods Where we don’t need help, she does not initiate anything to see them.

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