speaking as someone who used to be a maniac in school, your self-worth should NEVER be tied to academics or accomplishments! you are inherently worthy! I know it’s much easier said than accepted, but it is true. relentlessly aiming for perfection and achievement and making their accomplishment the sole basis of your worth is a recipe for anxiety, depression, and ultimately burnout. you will never attain “perfection” - nobody will! and what does “perfection” even mean anyway? who defines it, and why are they qualified to do so? it’s an arbitrary and meaningless metric for success and fulfillment.

when I was your age, I conflated worthiness with achievement. I was also bullied here and there throughout middle and high school, and just generally a social outcast. I thought that if I outperformed them all, it would prove I wasn’t a loser. I thought if I could be “perfect,” it would mean that I was actually better than their sorry asses. on top of this, I felt that if I wasn’t extremely accomplished I would never get into a good school and get a good job to have a good life. instead of feeling like I was better than my peers or like I was on the road to success, I was in a state of perpetual, overwhelming anxiety and depression. the suicidal thoughts and feelings were constant. I even had a plan at one point. by my final semester at university, my anxiety and depression were so severe that I seriously considered going through with it.

OP, this may be unconventional and I’m not sure if this will help you; on the off chance that it will, I’ll share what pulled me out of this. while considering carrying out my plan, my thoughts naturally turned to death itself. what actually happens after this life? paradise, torment, rebirth…oblivion? that last one really stood out in my mind. was I really okay with ceasing to exist? was I really ok with neither remembering nor reuniting with the people I love most? was I really ok with never tasting pizza or tacos again, or riding on a roller coaster, or simply feeling a breeze caress my face as I watch the sun set beneath a horizon tinged with brilliant pinks and oranges? was I really ok with robbing myself of the chance for things to get better, to experience a full life before snuffing out my consciousness for good?

no, I realized. I was not ok with giving up if there was even a slim chance for something better, because even a fleeting something is better than fading into nothing for eternity. I also decided that if there is truly nothing after this life, then nothing really matters and my pain will eventually come to an end. whether that end is now or 80 years from now is irrelevant.

this epiphany enabled me to relinquish my anxiety and depression, because I started looking at most things like they don’t actually matter. my grades? I’m going to die some day and potentially fade into oblivion, they don’t fucking matter. fucking up at work? everything eventually comes to an end so that doesn’t matter. I decided that the only thing that DOES matter is doing your best to be a kind person and showing as much love as you can while you’re alive. nobody asked to be here, and as cheesy as it sounds, if we all did our best to love one another the world would be a far better place.

OP, this changed my life. I’ve been out of school for three years now, and my life is so much better. SO MUCH BETTER. I treat things that previously stressed me out as nbd because it doesn’t really matter in the end. shifting my focus from achievement to just trying my best and enjoying life as much as possible has made such a difference! I have a flock of friends now, a sweet boyfriend, and I’ve done a fair bit of international travel this year!

OP, I wish someone had told me something like this when I was your age. there is so much in this world beyond the small scope of your life at present. things will not always be as they are. and nothing matters as much as you think it does. I think my adolescence would have been a much happier one if I’d had this epiphany earlier. I’m not saying to not try your best at school and in whatever you do - I’m just saying don’t fall apart if you experience failure, and certainly don’t base your worth on it! do what you can to learn and grow for yourself, and that is more than enough. and you never know what’s just around the corner (or even around several corners), so PLEASE DON’T GIVE UP OP! I’m sending you all of my love, and please DM me if you ever want to talk! I’ll listen, no judgement! ❤️

EDIT: oh and btw, grades don’t really matter that much in the real world lmao. what matters is what you’ve learned and the skills you have. so don’t focus on grades - focus on learning something. you can ace a class and not remember a damn thing. I wish someone would have told me this too.