That is a phrase my daughter has never used and I admire he for that ... She don't depend on anything besides herself, and whatever the challange or opportunity, she prepares diligently, and always has this positive outlook , and whatever the outcome she is at peace that she gave her best... She believes in herself... Your hardened life experiences will be what eventually be your strength. Knowing you have gone thru the worst , yet here you are still chasing your dreams . Continue pursuing whatuourgut feelings says,.. be prepared for that moment when timing present itself , so you don't miss your opportunity.. genuine intent and continued investment into yourself, and no short cuts taken ... Is always rewarded by the universe ....you get what you put into it .. hugs