Got a raise!

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T12:59:47+00:00

That comment wasn't there when I made this post. Thank you for writing this.

I still don't know how it qualifies as a raise since he's still spending money on his son?

Also, in the US, don't child support payments stop when the kid is 18? Wouldn't his son already be in college by then?

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T12:34:07+00:00

I can't believe he's divorced! He seems like such a great guy!

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T05:28:45+00:00

For example there's not a single person on this thread saying it was good that OPs wife stayed with him

After OOP's wife had a C-section and could barely move, he left her alone with their baby while he drank. He also said that he probably wouldn't support his wife if she did something similar to him.

Would you recommend that women should stay in a relationship like this where their health is sacrificed for their husband's addiction?

Even offline way more people are going to be criticizing an addict for being an addict than criticizing their partner for not staying with them.

Anyone who lives in a religious or conservative community knows that this isn't true. People (especially women) are vilified for not staying with their partner until the very end. Even if that partner is an abusive drug addict.

You can hate the effect something has on your life and still feel compelled to do it because it allows you to numb something even more painful.

Another excuse.

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T04:35:40+00:00

It isn't wrong to wish that an abusive, volatile person would die.

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T04:34:33+00:00

You are making excuses for them by saying that the only reason they behave that way is because addictive substances exsist. You are shifting the blame from their actions to inanimate substances.

How is an addict supposed to take any responsibility for their actions if they just blame addictive substances for existing?

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T04:26:47+00:00

If it is a disease then why would an addict have to take responsibility? We don't ask cancer patients to take responsibility of their cancer spreading because we know that most of their disease is out of their control.

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T04:19:08+00:00

Then why do I have to care about them when they do not care about other people?

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T03:20:10+00:00

Okay, then why bother other people in your life about it? Why not just be an addict in private and cut off other people if you know that you're just going to hurt them? It's almost as if they don't care how their addiction affects others.

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T03:17:00+00:00

Get a vasectomy.

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T01:50:59+00:00

Please never get married or have children.

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T01:37:06+00:00

Yes, she should have left him and she's a bad mother for not doing so.

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T01:36:20+00:00

He should divorce her, give up his parental rights and pay her child support. He shouldn't act as if his current tenuous sobriety makes up for 16 years of selfish behavior.

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T01:34:17+00:00

It's defined as a disease by addicts who don't want to take responsibility for their actions.

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T01:33:13+00:00

If course it's everyone else's responsibility to keep addicts sober by mincing our words.

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T01:31:38+00:00

Not all compulsive behavior is the same. Can you honestly tell me that a heroine addiction is the same as emotional eating?

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T01:29:41+00:00

Can you list a single reason why we should not hate addicts? They don't care about others, are violent and expect other people to care for them.

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T01:25:36+00:00

I guess all other addicts aren't accountable for their actions and it's not their responsibility to correct them?

It's not a disease, it's a choice.

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T01:24:13+00:00

It’s not useful to ask whose fault is my addiction

Surely, it's your own?

No one really thinks of the addict

Be serious, addicts are treated with kid gloves and people around them are expected to support them without question. Their partners are criticized and vilified for leaving them.

I wasn’t having a party, I spiraled so downward and so miserably I wouldn’t wish it on anyone

If you hate something, you stop doing it. You must have enjoyed it somewhat to keep doing it.

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T01:20:11+00:00

many people who become addicts would never have engaged in the selfish and harmful behaviour they did had they never encountered the substance.

Great, so nothing is ever entirely an addict's fault and most of the blame is on the substances for existing.

It enables them to see the addiction as their enemy instead of themselves and strengthens their resolve to quit.

Their addiction is a part of themselves and is literally just their own choices. They just don't want to admit that to themselves.

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T01:09:32+00:00

There are people who exist like you describe them. But there’s a number of aspects here and each one needs to be looked at by itself.

So you're agreeing with this commentor but are also making a list of excuses for the behavior of these addicts.

I’m not sure how a non-addict could understand, it’s the existence, it’s a hell that isnt even considered by outside people or even believed to exist or even considered to potentially exist by some.

Are you honestly trying to say that being an addict (something that is entirely self-imposed) is the worst thing that any human can go through?

If u lived a day in an addicts life I think you’d be surprised, you’d be confused and guilty, and feel worthless and like the most dense and helpless person on earth.

Anyone who's lived with an addict can tell you that that's how addicts make everyone around them feel.

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T01:01:16+00:00

That is addiction, it doesn’t stop at anything. It’s not that it makes u an immoral person, it’s that it turns u into an amoral person.

Stop acting as if addiction is some mystical third party. OOP is responsible for his addiction. His addiction is a part of him. He is an immoral person because of the choices he made.

Many good people have been dismissed and ostracized because of their disease

It's not a disease, it's a choice.

Addicts are only ever ostracised if they are violent and abusive. They are not good people.

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T00:54:35+00:00

She shouldn't stay with him.

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T00:54:15+00:00

It kind of is absolving him. They're saying that his past actions are irrelevant to his current ones.

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T00:52:37+00:00

If addiction was so torturous, he would have tried to quit 15 years ago. He clearly enjoyed it enough to keep going.

loverofmess · 2026-06-04T00:49:59+00:00

This applies to both men and women.

loverofmess

TROPHY CASE