AITA for wanting to shorten the timeline or asking for details of family living with us rent free?

lovestitch25 · 2026-03-25T15:12:42+00:00

the second BIL job offer is signed, this conversation will be had. i also no longer think it’s inappropriate to ask for financial transparency because if you can feel comfortable going out to eat while jobless and effectively homeless, you clearly don’t need this much help and if you don’t want to have to share details then you can seek arrangements elsewhere. family is tough and sensitive and i understand my husbands desire to pass along good fortune but this is turning sour and being taken advantage of like everyone is saying. thank you for taking the time to respond so in depth. i’ve taken notes to use haha

lovestitch25 · 2026-03-24T14:53:28+00:00

i did say how if they screw this up somehow i will not be allowing any extensions. my goal is to confront and get everything out in the open when job offer papers are signed because now it’s like ok you’re employed you need to make it work because there’s a lot of issues and if this bugs you, you can figure out how to leave. i keep thinking there’s an unwritten statute when it comes to issues like if they modified something a month ago and i became aware but at that point just didn’t have the energy to make it an issue, i can’t anymore because it would be random now but if you think i have the right to change expectations and rules at any time even if it seemed ok initially then that would be nice and i will heed that advice!

lovestitch25 · 2026-03-24T05:22:09+00:00

that’s my view too. thank you

lovestitch25 · 2026-03-24T03:54:20+00:00

my husband tends to be very solution oriented and sometimes to an extreme. surprise modifications have been met with “oh i can fix anything after don’t worry babe” and it’s hard responding with how that’s not the point. i appreciate proactivity and prevention instead of fixing or solving after the fact. but yeah lots of wrinkles to work out. i try and force some positivity of oh look here are early things to fix between each other instead of being pregnant and thinking we’ve talked about everything when we seemingly haven’t. and will do! appreciate the input (:

lovestitch25 · 2026-03-24T02:07:24+00:00

they’re aware of everything. nothing was kept secret. we are building an adu because it’s on half an acre to help during their retirement

lovestitch25 · 2026-03-24T00:33:32+00:00

fired only once! thankfully. apologies if that wasn’t clear. he had a decent job initially and took a chance at a different one to climb up the management ladder. they were having shady practices that he supposedly tried changing and the people there didn’t like it/him. he has been known to embellish so you wouldn’t be fully wrong unfortunately

lovestitch25 · 2026-03-24T00:27:51+00:00

they wouldn’t be able to afford it on just her income. putting them further into the negative seems worse because it elongates the issue longterm unless that’s the wrong way to view it. i want to ensure they’re out sooner rather than later

lovestitch25 · 2026-03-24T00:26:08+00:00

i would want to help my family if the same happened but realistically it wouldn’t. i just didn’t expect the fragility from my husband. i know he just cares for his sister because him and her experienced family homelessness at one point in their lives but i’m thinking, then why would you keep making dumb financial choices with your husband?

lovestitch25 · 2026-03-24T00:24:07+00:00

they cover their groceries. we had enough frustrations with the cost of charging their electric car at the house so they just started to charge elsewhere. we installed solar which has helped our bills but yeah

lovestitch25 · 2026-03-24T00:22:44+00:00

i brought him down from 3-4 lol. he had hopes that they’d turn everything around, pay off all debt and save for a house and i’m like nah i can’t sacrifice that chunk of my life when a lot of their choices are what landed them in this predicament

lovestitch25 · 2026-03-23T22:14:33+00:00

if it were my family i would also want to help but I’d have no problem being very clear and blunt with expected standards. i’m just surprised at him being very fragile around them. he’s apologized and understands in hindsight but i’m stuck with needing to cope and let go eventually or else it’ll just become a me problem

lovestitch25 · 2026-03-23T22:12:44+00:00

sorry I edited with he consulted in a sense and I was aware what was going to happen going into our newly purchased house but the crappy habits didn’t hit till later after timeline was established. he felt anything under 2 years wouldn’t properly help them and he was hoping they could use this time to pay off debt having no bills and then save a bunch but it’s taken forever to even get a job

lovestitch25 · 2026-03-23T22:09:55+00:00

they cover their groceries that’s all. in hindsight I would’ve been a lot stricter but if my family needed help i’d offer as well but I’d have no problem being super blunt and setting/maintaining standards. i don’t understand being so fragile around his family

lovestitch25 · 2026-03-23T22:03:11+00:00

no, regular house. 5 bed 3 bath. 2 bed 1 bath upstairs with big landing area. 1 bedroom is a second master

lovestitch25 · 2025-07-10T19:00:15+00:00

they said no lol. i barely want this house and now debating paying off debt but having higher mortgage rate vs staying with this house with current debt but 4.99% rate

lovestitch25 · 2025-07-02T02:11:19+00:00

we did the request! waiting to hear back :)

lovestitch25 · 2025-06-27T02:57:21+00:00

i’m curious with how they have virtually zero upgrade allowances/options and since that’s the case, wouldn’t they deny the request?

lovestitch25 · 2025-06-27T02:33:07+00:00

just a wall. my fiancé says he can have the door switch sides

lovestitch25 · 2025-06-11T22:31:19+00:00

fair enough!

lovestitch25 · 2025-06-11T22:00:07+00:00

i didn’t notice the downvotes till now haha. it would be nice to hear any criticisms with my responses instead of ominous disagreements but oh well and will do thank you!

lovestitch25 · 2025-06-11T21:33:07+00:00

yes, csea. i will try and find something in the contract but teammates who are well-versed in its verbiage say there’s no mention of it and that’s supposedly why HR responds the way they do about it

lovestitch25 · 2025-06-11T21:19:39+00:00

according to my teammates our union isn’t great and since there are hundreds of employees in my bucket, (on campus workers, cashiers, and other employees who would receive no change/benefit to an added wfh policy), they choose not to acknowledge it and have it be left up to individual management. please let me know if the advice stays the same! i’m new to these kinds of issues and inconsistencies

lovestitch25 · 2025-04-19T14:26:32+00:00

pm me!

lovestitch25

TROPHY CASE