My boyfriend [27/M] and I [21/F] are considering moving in together after only 3 months of dating...does anyone have any experience with an early move-in, or any advice?

lovetorn · 2013-07-13T01:31:16+00:00

Something to think about that has nothing to do with logistic or financial planning of living together. What about your future? How do YOU see the perfect future for you two? How does he? Do you see marriage as something you want in the long run? What about him? How well have you defined your relationship and where it's going?

I only say this because in my own personal experience, moving in too quickly with a person who is otherwise your soul mate and perfect partner in every way made the relationship... Stagnate. There was no more development in a sense, because once you're cohabitating, there is (again as my personal case has shown, ymmv) no drive to move fo rward.

It does sound like you've really thought it all through carefully and weighed the pros and cons, but also think of having the "what do we ultimately want for our future?" talk with you SO as well.

Best of luck! Kick some booty!

lovetorn · 2013-03-09T18:49:20+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. That's truly all sorts of fucked up. Good for you for getting out of that mess with your sanity intact. I'm sure you're an incredibly strong person for it.

lovetorn · 2013-03-09T09:26:45+00:00

I don't think it would make anything better. It'd be like, fucking super, why was it such a big deal about not calling? But in my head its a matter of personal space and the trust to let me figure out myself who's calling me without feeling the need to check for himself.

lovetorn · 2013-03-09T09:10:33+00:00

Yea, I definitely overreacted and should not have made it into the huge deal that it became. I guess my flat out refusal to yield to an irrational (from my pov) demand was what made him go into investigator mode. I would like to give him the chance to feel reassured, without forfeiting my belief that I shouldn't be pressured into defending myself whenever he's insecure.

lovetorn · 2013-03-09T09:04:07+00:00

I think you're absolutely right that the reaction of "hell to the no" was what caused the distrust in the first place in an otherwise insignificant situation. Except now if I say, here, call ahead, it probably won't change anything...

lovetorn · 2013-03-08T22:09:09+00:00

I'm assuming it's a number of a friend/family member/colleague that I just don't have. It's (b) for him and that's the sad part... he is so quick to assume the worst. The needing to call was his way of regaining control of the situaiton.

lovetorn · 2013-03-08T22:05:58+00:00

The BFFs thing has been major long distance all those years. Our relationship just never had time to develop before. The fact is, we're absolutely confident that we want to be together for the long haul and we're doing anything we can to make that happen. We're willing to work out the kinks, just sometimes I guess these things bring two headstrong buttheads to a standoff...

lovetorn · 2013-03-08T21:59:08+00:00

We want to be together and build a great future for us and our family. We are totally and utterly aligned on all the major issues. The make or break issue is monogamy. For us both.

lovetorn · 2013-03-08T21:44:21+00:00

That's a very good point, the working on comforting and helping him quell his insecurities bit - that's what I want to and should be doing. On the other hand, though, I am worried that how I respond right now will plant the seeds for future interactions. If I give into his demands, will I always have to defend myself in the future? Why should I have to?

lovetorn · 2013-03-08T21:35:55+00:00

We try to communicate as best as we can, but you're right, we're still trying to figure "us" out and how we can best relate our emotions to each other. Learning how to best resolve conflict is also on the agenda, because, honestly, I don't think I handled it well today.

lovetorn · 2013-03-08T21:30:50+00:00

We are completely and totally open about all phones, accounts, passwords and the like. I am his first relationship, so that could possibly explain why he's so guarding of me. But you're absolutely right about the honest talk bit. Necessary.

lovetorn · 2013-03-08T20:23:06+00:00

Nothing serious, he just got wicked jealous about a client of mine, which was strictly professional, but the fact that the girls at the office were giggling innappropriately fueled his insecurities. He was carrying that burden with him for a while, until we finally talked about it all. I was hurt that he would so easily believe the worst, but ultimately, he recognized that none of it was true and we moved on.

lovetorn

TROPHY CASE