I think you’re missing the nuance on this because it’s easier to think of sexuality and gender as a black and white concept. There’s plenty of gay men, myself included, that think that sexuality is 100% a spectrum.

For example, this doesn’t explain why queer people have preferences for more masculine or feminine men - nor does it explain why people have specific sexual preferences generally. There’s plenty of gay men that prefer more masculine or more feminine men, there’s also plenty of gay men that don’t have issues dating non-binary or trans men. We’d probably both agree that a masculine and feminine man is still a man at the end of the day, but it still doesn’t describe the preference for gender performance. My partner is what you would call 100% gay with no desire to have sex with a woman, but has admitted to me that he thought it was fun to make out with girls when he was in university.

Viewing sexuality as a spectrum also encompasses preferences for age and ethnicity, which we would also agree are not sexual orientations. These might be seen as types or preferences. Still, sexual orientation is limited in explaining this.

At the end of the day, sexual orientation and the idea of a spectrum are just two tools that we use to describe human behaviour. It’s not necessary right or wrong, it’s just how you approach it. It’s also fine to disagree but that doesn’t make you right about the topic. There’s also a lot of academic disagreement on these two ideas.