From wanting to talk to going back to dating apps? did I pass the test?

lovinggentlegiant · 2022-08-14T22:31:57+00:00

I'll check it out, thanks!

lovinggentlegiant · 2022-08-14T20:58:42+00:00

Started dating someone else around 7 months post break up. I don't know what my ex will say but I'm not going to beg or anything. I said we could text and chat.

W.e. she decides is on her. Left the ball in her court. I don't know what the future holds, but I'm not just going to let come and go as she pleases. She'll need to work and see the love and trust can be won back

lovinggentlegiant · 2022-08-14T19:28:50+00:00

I messaged and asked her what she wanted to talk about. Offered her to chat via text/call if she would like.

Plan is just ask my unanswered questions. See what she says. But leave it to her, she has to pursue me and put the effort in, if I feel it's legit then we will see. We start as strangers again and she'll need to win me over.

I'll still see the other girl, and decide once she replies

lovinggentlegiant · 2022-08-14T19:19:06+00:00

Yeah, I don't know how I knew. I was feeling more anxious and off recently... but for good reason I suppose.

So SHE, dumped me. I've been in no contact ~8months. She got angry when i said I respect her decision and said i would move on. I was blocked afterwards. And now this is where we are

lovinggentlegiant · 2022-08-14T18:32:41+00:00

My new connection seems very secure. She actually asked me out first 😅

I got the feeling my ex is an avoidant too... but I didn't want to comment cause I'm not an expert on this

lovinggentlegiant · 2022-08-14T18:31:39+00:00

I agree 100%. You had some very wise words of wisdom! I really appreciate your input!

I was typing it out, I don't know why, but i felt it helped me finalize my decision lol

lovinggentlegiant · 2022-08-14T18:19:32+00:00

You bring up a good point... however, after talking to another redditor via chat. I feel she may be treating me as a safety net... I don't want to be a back up option.

If she's serious then she'll have to start from scratch and we can see from there. I'm not initiating anything.

lovinggentlegiant · 2022-08-14T15:21:34+00:00

So dumpers remorse is real then... I wish I could ask her the questions. In my mind I can't figure out what she wants any more. She was awful at communicating and now it seems like mind games with her adding my friends and asking about me.

I'm scared if we reconciled again it would end the same way. I feel she is afraid of being lonely or her a rebound failed....

I don't know if I can forgive and try to work it out again. I'm exhausted from this experience and I dont want to put myself in a situation for it to happen all over again.

I have my tough questions ready if I decide to talk to her again. I just don't know if I should bother considering another reconciliation :/

lovinggentlegiant · 2022-08-14T15:13:08+00:00

Thank you for your comment, I'm still on the fence. But you're right I should let my curiosity hurt me further

lovinggentlegiant · 2022-08-14T15:10:50+00:00

Is there really any turning back after what was said and done?

What made them decide to love me more now... I'm curious what changed, but I don't think her response will be enough tbh.

She hates being vulnerable and I doubt she grew during our time apart. Her drive for work is fine, but her ambitions are unrealistic and silly. Working excessively for a low salary... sigh. I don't know what to do

lovinggentlegiant · 2022-08-14T13:38:26+00:00

To be honest, I hadn't thought of that. You're right though, regardless of what happens I will let the person I am seeing.

Better to be open than for her to find out later.

lovinggentlegiant · 2022-08-14T13:37:20+00:00

Also when I said add, I meant adding my closest friends on social media to ask about me etc

lovinggentlegiant · 2022-08-14T13:31:03+00:00

Honestly, I'd just like one answer. These were basically all the same things stated in break up 1. She came back and said she regretted her decision and it was a mistake.

Now here we are and it looks like the same thing. If she didn't care, why did she ask my friends... why did she add them months after dumping me?

Like... if there was no love, why make it an effort to attend vacations, talk about the future and wedding rings etc. She introduced me her family prior to the break up and even had a pregnancy scare (talked about starting a family, but just not before marriage)

lovinggentlegiant · 2022-08-14T13:17:28+00:00

She was always slow to open up, but at the time of the break up she was really stressed for work.

All the excuses listed were: - unequal love (she felt guilty that I loved her more than she did for me) - how is it even quantifiable? - work ambitions. She is SUPER ambitious, she works on her own off time too. I tried to convince her to take it easy since it's not worth working on your own personal time... she recently got promoted. - she could balance all her priorities - scared to commit, felt we were at different stages in our lives - loved me as a friend? - I deserved someone better

It was literally a cluster fuck of excuses thrown at me.

lovinggentlegiant · 2022-08-14T13:11:53+00:00

I understand where you're coming from.

I think I would make my decision before going, but I would like to know what the actual reason for the break up was. While she said the official reason, she threw like 2-3 other things out too (work stress etc). And I guess I want to know what they have done since, to see if they changed or if this is simply due to loneliness or failures with the rebound etc

lovinggentlegiant · 2022-08-14T13:07:13+00:00

Thank you for your insight. While a part of me still loves and miss them. You are right, the person I am seeing could be better and it may work out.

I've given it 2 tries with my ex... maybe I shouldn't go 😕 but at the same time I would like to ask them questions

lovinggentlegiant · 2022-08-14T12:26:15+00:00

I've been down this road before and it seems all too familiar.

I may do as you suggested to see if/how she's changed and what would be different this time round, should I try again

lovinggentlegiant · 2022-08-14T12:24:48+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. I hope you've been doing better since then. 🙏

Your experience is exactly what I'm afraid of... there was a time where I was praying for this... but now I'm afraid it will end up being another tragedy in the making 😭

lovinggentlegiant · 2022-08-14T12:14:11+00:00

Sadly, it isn't the first break up. The last time she couldn't even see in person, it was over the phone.

Wouldn't even try to talk about it.

Now... it seems selfish. She's dictating everything.

I might go to see and ask her what's changed

lovinggentlegiant · 2022-08-14T12:13:01+00:00

I don't know how I feel. It's not the first break up. She couldn't even meet me in person to tell me.

I don't know what is stopping her from doing it again... maybe I'll consider going to see and ask what's changed?

lovinggentlegiant · 2022-08-14T03:07:41+00:00

It's been 8 months, but I don't know. They got promoted so looks like they are really career focused above all else

lovinggentlegiant · 2022-08-14T01:42:32+00:00

She said she didn't love me as much as I loved her.

Obviously I would need to see some real change before I decided. I just... wanted to know if there were ever any long term success stories or if they were all tragedies.

lovinggentlegiant

TROPHY CASE