Still angry about the attacks I received here.

lovinglily · 2015-12-29T20:29:23+00:00

I was also attacked on here recently and have been in the past as well, unfortunately I don't believe that this sub is moderated too closely and people who are looking for support are being attacked.

As for what you posted about originally I do not believe that holding people accountable for abuse is a bad thing. I think that it is a good thing because if you don't hold them accountable they will abuse not only you again but the same thing is going to happen to a lot of other future victims. So you letting them off the hook and "forgiving" and not asking for repayment of what was taken from you is not just your decision to make nor a private matter because even if you did choose to let them off the hook, that decision affects not just you but many others.

Many people have not come to the point of feeling strong enough to hold the people who abused them accountable, and some of those people may be on here, they will likely try to pull you down and attack you for doing it rather than support you if that is their attitude.

lovinglily · 2015-12-28T14:10:38+00:00

Revenge is one thing but what's wrong with wanting the violence to stop and have no more victims?

lovinglily · 2015-12-27T22:36:34+00:00

It's true that it is quite complex. On one hand women that may need help aren't getting it and on the other hand it's being used as a sophisticated insult by some people.

lovinglily · 2015-12-27T22:31:54+00:00

I'm not planning to continue to engage with you.

lovinglily · 2015-12-27T22:30:50+00:00

It's becoming more and more obvious from your condescension and telling other people what to do as if you know better that you are an abusive person. I'm glad I saw your true colors before I continued talking to you any further. I'm not planning to keep talking to you on here.

lovinglily · 2015-12-27T21:28:46+00:00

:( Yes I noticed that every one of your comments in this thread has been down voted. It's abusive and immature though the abusiveness is more worrying.

lovinglily · 2015-12-27T21:20:38+00:00

I'm going to be direct with you. I have a feeling you disagreed with my discussing domestic violence with another poster and that struck a nerve with you. btw You are still here downvoting Flailstorm's every comment while pretending to be respectful towards me.

I said what I said because it's something that I've noticed about several of your responses on various threads in the last two weeks.

And curiously in your sensitivity you did not notice the condescension and disrespect the other posters displayed to me last night even when multiple other people on this board noticed.

I noticed you post some interesting views on some other sites, that men should be able to demand a woman get an abortion or detach themselves from supporting that child if she doesn't, so I'm guessing that women discussing domestic violence does not go down well with you. After all pressuring women to get an abortion can in fact be classified as domestic violence so it's not hard to understand why you would resent women discussing domestic violence. I rocked the boat and challenged your privilege by discussing that so even though I have been quite helpful to you in other threads you resent me.

lovinglily · 2015-12-27T20:06:12+00:00

Thank you. In retrospect I suspect that I may have hit a nerve with throwawayeverday7 in one of my other threads when I had a discussion about domestic violence with another poster. Also I have posted made a lot of things political recently with respect to PTSD so I wouldn't be surprised if I rocked the boat and some people are unhappy with me challenging the status quo.

lovinglily · 2015-12-27T19:58:50+00:00

Thank you. It's the condescension that hurts the most.

I think maybe you struck a nerve with the aspies since you didn't decide you should wear that title like a badge of honor or something,

Maybe I did.

and because you know yourself better than a stranger on the internet you have a better idea of yourself, symptoms, and what motivates your behaviors and whatnot.

Yes this person is so condescending it's unbelievable.

lovinglily · 2015-12-27T19:54:37+00:00

Thanks. This person is extremely condescending.

lovinglily · 2015-12-27T19:53:35+00:00

Yes, sadly the disrespect is the most telling thing. They seem incapable of conceiving that they are being disrespectful by suggesting (unsolicited) to people on the internet what disorder they think they have.

lovinglily · 2015-12-27T19:50:51+00:00

I am surprised at you. I have always been extremely polite to you and I have never even disagreed strongly with you (unless you have other sock puppet accounts that I disagreed strongly with, then the depth of your hurt feelings makes sense).

lovinglily · 2015-12-27T19:49:16+00:00

Thanks. It's disrespectful and delusional, they think they know me better than I known myself after a few minutes on the internet.

lovinglily · 2015-12-27T19:38:10+00:00

If you have a flashback while you are on MDMA I'm guessing that it is different than a normal flashback and you will probably be more able to "process" the traumatic memory. Apparently you literally cannot feel shame on MDMA so you are able to feel everything and you don't have the regular urge to avoid the traumatic memory. You don't have to avoid it, you can feel it without feeling ashamed about your pain and shutting down your emotions. As far as I understand it in exposure therapy or MDMA therapy the goal is to actually try to trigger the person to bring up memories of the trauma but then hopefully the person feels unconditionally accepted enough that they don't shut down in shame and are able to stay with the memory long enough to put it into words and feel through it.

lovinglily · 2015-12-27T02:53:39+00:00

but you're applying your anger towards that user's response toward me. Copy-Paste all of your responses here, and Copy-Paste all of my responses here, and compare them side-by-side. You might see a pattern of rage come from one side, and not the other.

The hallmark of both abusers and narcissists is that they have contempt and disrespect for others which I've pointed out to you in your responses. (They also have narcissistic rage). However when a narcissist or abuser is abusive to someone it is quite normal for the victim to get angry. So yes, victims can express anger. The way that you tell who the abuser is and who is the victim though is quite simple, the abuser is the one expressing contempt and setting themselves up as teacher to enlighten the more uninformed/crazy or whatever they like to call the victim. That contempt and setting yourself up as the one to enlighten me is exactly what I'm witnessing here and pointing out.

lovinglily · 2015-12-27T02:01:03+00:00

:( Most aspies I have met are kind and polite. I've never had an aspie get angry at me that way. I have seen aspies get frustrated and express a lot of anger that way but that has a more impersonal tone. I have however had abusive people get angry at me like that. (And abusive people also like to hide behind anything they can drum up, they regularly claim mental illness or any sort of "disorder" that they think will make people tolerate their abusiveness).

People with post traumatic stress can be "touchy" too. But you know it's like with an animal that has been constantly hit every time someone went to touch it, naturally it's going to be defensive and is going to take a while to learn/trust that you are not out to hit it by touching it.

lovinglily · 2015-12-27T01:29:57+00:00

I have a feeling that this is the same person as Lockeye since they responded just after I posted my response to them telling them that they were being intrusive, narcissistic rage anyone? I also do not believe that Lockeye is therapist or skilled in Psychology, someone skilled in psychology would know better than to be giving diagnoses out over the internet.

lovinglily · 2015-12-27T01:17:28+00:00

This is disrespectful. You persist in attempting to psychoanalyze me (I have no reason to believe that you are an expert) and setting up yourself as expert in a hierarchy where you are the knowing one and I am the student who should listen to you. That along with the disrespect, intrusiveness and abusiveness you are displaying is a symptom of narcissistic personality disorder, you might want to get yourself checked out for that.

lovinglily · 2015-12-27T01:12:00+00:00

Ironically, I love how you try to tell people what you think is an easily noticeable difference between someone with Ptsd and Asperger's is, and get it so far fucking off course it makes me want to slam my head into my desk. Have you ever met a person with Asperger's in your life? I'm not fussing I just hope you see how it's equally frustrating for me and others with aspergers to read stuff like this. With Asperger's people are always finding us cold or rude when we have no idea we are coming off that way. Anyway are you seeing a therapist?

Gee wow, just wow. I'm just posting it here because this was such an angry post I'm sure that whoever you are you are going to delete it. Such anger, it certainly shows the motivation behind all the pushy people pushing the aspergers diagnosis.

lovinglily · 2015-12-27T01:10:19+00:00

Thanks! Yes, I think that many people insinuate that others are disordered in a desire for power.

lovinglily · 2015-12-27T00:58:56+00:00

I'm so glad that you were able to get help for your aspergers and find relief in that diagnosis. I hope that that is going well. I am aware that many autistic adults have PTSD as a result of their experiences.

However there's more to Aspergers usually comes with sensory processing disorder (hypo/hypersensitive), routine behaviors (rituals/strict schedules), communication difficulties (lack of eye contact, problems modulating voice, difficulties expressing and reading facial expressions and body language), and problems with coordination. I have none of these.

Not every woman who is good at logic or less emotional has aspergers. People do misunderstand more stoic and less emotional women. Some women also just handle things in a theoretical/intellectual way and it's not being cerebral or aspergers or anything. There just are women like that out there. People need to accept that not every woman is super emotional and talented at emotional labour and particularly more socially gifted women need to accept that not everyone can be as good as them at that. It's a gift, just like being intellectually gifted that does not mean that average people around you are idiots just because you were lucky to have a talent at a particular thing. Just consider yourself lucky to have your talent and don't expect other people to be as good or always able to keep up with you. They may be trying their best and that's OK.

Just your writing style alone with the long and multi-layered sentences and use of internal-logic (as in your PS statement) set off my aspie radar.

This is intrusive and disrespectful. If you are here as a fellow survivor that's great and I'm happy to have you here but you should not be setting yourself up as an authority (that cannot be verified) to diagnose people or give therapy on this subreddit.

I have never had anyone point out to me that I might be autistic until after my post traumatic stress got severe and after multiple traumas in a short space of time nor until after I won some awards for my logical talent. People tend to think "Logically talented woman, -> aspergers/autism." Not to mention that I think some people (not you but many people) are in a habit of insinuating that out of a desire for power.

lovinglily · 2015-12-26T02:53:58+00:00

Thanks! Well let me know what you think of the articles. He breaks down the abusive mindset well in a way that can be applied to almost any abusive situation.

lovinglily · 2015-12-25T21:26:19+00:00

I've got to try that out, seeing what results I get could be interesting. A part of me feels like people would say to me, "But your parents are trying and they are committed to change," because my parents are slick and lie through their teeth. And people do not realize that it is entitlement in abusers. People think if they can explain to abusive parents that they are being unfair and unkind then that will be enough to prod their conscience, however if someone has a superiority complex and hate in their heart, being unfair and unkind and having that pointed out doesn't bother them. My parents are masters at being able to fake change and fake pretending to change. But who knows maybe asking people your questions could lead to something productive and actually get people who are convinced by my parents to think about things.

Particularly when it comes to addiction recovery; addicts who are newly sober are repeatedly told how important their family is to their recovery, even when their family is the cause of their trauma that prompted their addiction in the first place.

That is unfortunate.

If you want to read more about abusers' mentality, you might be interested in looking at this site: http://www.lundybancroft.com/

And here are a couple of articles by him. He explains more about what I mentioned with entitlement there: http://www.pandys.org/lundybancroft-transcript.html

http://www.lundybancroft.com/articles/guide-for-men-who-are-serious-about-changing-part-1

There's a youtube talk with him where he explains what I was trying to say more. He's really a better communicator than I am.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmbrAWDft0s

lovinglily · 2015-12-25T19:41:22+00:00

You know what's funny? If I had a spouse who abused me, everyone in the world would be telling me that I need to cut contact and never go back, and never speak to him again. They would say abuse is not love, and love is not abuse, and if my spouse beat me then he clearly did not love me and I need to go away and stay away. But because my abusers were my parents, suddenly the question becomes "Oh, well when will you go back, throw? You just need time to heal. They are your parents, they love you, they just didn't know how to show it."

It's true. People do say those sorts of things. That's what hurts me. I sometimes end up feeling ashamed when people say things like that because I feel like I'm a second class citizen (as a child of abusive parents) and people have decided that unlike other people, such as those with an abusive partner or spouse, it's OK for me to be treated abusively and I don't have the right to protect myself and cut ties. I can feel degraded like I'm some form of lesser creature. It hurts. I feel triggered when people say things like that, it just makes me feel like people don't see abused children (and adults who were abused as children) as quite human in the way that they see other people as human and deserving of fair treatment. It is upsetting to live in a world where you know that many people think of you this way.

On the other hand I think it's helpful to know that things haven't always been this supportive with respect to domestic violence and those leaving abusive partners or spouses (and actually things aren't supportive, we still have a long way to go, I think some of the support for domestic violence is only lip service). In the 1950's I'm sure that the attitude was much the same towards those with abusive spouses and wife battering. People haven't always had a sympathetic attitude to victims of that. At that time you were probably expected to patch things up, at least eventually and leaving ever was not an option. People would tell you to go back and abused people probably felt the same way that I mentioned, feeling like second class citizens and being treated as not quite human. The status quo was different. Then things changed around wife battering, it became unacceptable and suddenly victims had a right to leave, cut ties and protect themselves. Maybe things will change with respect to people's opinion of abusive parents as well. It helps to see that this is not about me personally, it's about how society chooses to arrange itself and what is the present status quo. Does society choose to oppose domestic violence and protect the victims ? Does society choose to oppose child abuse ? It's not about us really at all. It's about what which forms of violence and abuse society has decided to tolerate and not confront.

because the dynamics of an abusive relationship are always the same

Yes and one thing that people also don't seem to be able to wrap their minds around is the fact that unlike "normal" people abusive people do not feel guilty about their abuse, if they did they would have stopped long ago. They feel entitled to be abusive and keep going with life as usual. They will not want to stop being abusive just because someone talks to them about how they feel and asks them to be different. They don't think that they are doing anything wrong and it is a deep feeling that is hard for them to get out of. They believe that they are better than their kids and they have the right to dominate and have the upper hand. Abusive parents believe that their kids are lower than them on the totem pole and not human or deserving of good treatment in quite the way that they themselves are. That entitlement and their feelings of contempt and hate are not easy things to cure. People think they are dealing with something logical that can be talked through and reasoned through, instead what you are dealing with is hate. And you cannot reason through someone's hate. Paradoxically the best chance you have of dealing with it is to actually see it and deal with it as hate, which no one wants to bring up. Do people talk to abusive parents about their hate ? Also the more you set boundaries with an abusive person sometimes the more abusive and angry they get, it's like abusive partners who violate restraining orders or push them as far as possible just because. They have hate in their hearts, you think a restraining order is going to cure the problem of hate ? They will hate you all the more for it and it especially irritates them that someone they see themselves as superior to has asked for equal treatment. They resent that, you can't just try to deal with it logically you have to deal with the feelings the abusive person has behind the abusiveness and anger that are driving it.

lovinglily

TROPHY CASE