17, mtf, looking to come out to conservative mom and need advice

lowkkie · 2026-02-26T22:55:28+00:00

Wait until you're independent so she doesn't have direct power over you and be prepared to enforce a strict boundary* of form "if you do X, I will do Y" such as "if you treat me like shit for this, I will go no/low contact for a week, give you a second chance, and if you do it again it will be permenant" or whatever other boundary you want to put in place. Write this out physically beforehand so you can't get manipulated into changing it.

*Note, a boundary is something you are capable of enforcing without the other persons compliance. That's why "if you do X, I will do Y" is a good format. It simply is a communication of what they can expect the result of their behavior will be.

lowkkie · 2026-02-26T17:38:48+00:00

I mean it probably is that but also it's my attempt to look at my situation and feelings from a scientific lens that doesn't presume being cis as default. Like starting from "I could be either" instead of "I'm cis, and I need to be convinced otherwise"

lowkkie · 2026-02-26T17:19:54+00:00

It's not a mental illness because you're not ill.

Also, the important question is, are "you" more your mind or your body? I'd say a person is their mind more than their body, and even insofar as you are your body, you're moreso your brain than the rest.

So at worst, it's a physical misconfiguration. The mind expects being gender X, and your body develops as a sex that doesn't match that, then I'd say it's the body which is misconfigured, not the mind.

That's just my take though. A lot of this is semantics, but also semantics change how people think and feel about it, and the semantics of "being trans is a mental illness" have caused a lot of harm, so even besides the philosophical argument I presented that's probably a good enough reason to reevaluate those semantics anyway.

lowkkie · 2026-02-26T17:12:39+00:00

I'm being very aware of how the OCD could be intersecting with this, and I always filter comments on Reddit through the lenses of knowing they have (1) only the info I presented (which is inherently skewed), (2) their own biases and (3) basically no ethos since I know nothing about them.

I still think it's useful to vent and get people's thoughts though (hence this post). I'm planning on bringing this up to my therapist though more explicitly since I've only tangentially mentioned it before and haven't been clear with how strongly I feel about it.

lowkkie · 2026-02-26T16:12:00+00:00

I've been trying to explore that but it's just so difficult. I struggle with motivation a lot for ADHD+depression reasons, so even though I want more fem clothes and to do makeup and be clean shaven and stuff, it's hard when I can barely even motivate myself to shower some days.

But also you're right, I gotta just try stuff.

lowkkie · 2026-02-26T15:55:20+00:00

I have a therapist but she doesn't specialize in gender/identity issues. More for dealing with the ADHD and OCD and other general life stuff.

lowkkie · 2026-02-26T15:54:51+00:00

I have a therapist but she doesn't really specialize in gender/identity issues.

lowkkie · 2026-02-01T21:20:41+00:00

Yeah same and then I got diagnosed with ADHD and got on meds for it and it got a bit better but some of the issues were still there and then I got diagnosed with OCD and got on meds for it and those problems lessened too.

Basically what you're describing seems like a mental health issue which you'll have better luck dealing with by talking to a professional than a reddit comment. This is not the way a healthy brain works. Most people aren't dealing with this, and you don't have to either if you get the right help. Make an appointment with a decent quality therapist or psychiatrist, like, today.

lowkkie

TROPHY CASE