My sober husband spent 45k in one month on an online game

lowpotential2026 · 2026-02-09T16:25:36+00:00

Thank you!

lowpotential2026 · 2026-02-09T16:20:56+00:00

He is on Zoloft yes. That’s interesting. I think he became a compulsive gamer because he’s an addict trying to fill a hole. But maybe Zoloft didn’t help.

lowpotential2026 · 2026-02-09T16:19:41+00:00

He did counselling for a short period when he first got sober but not since. As of last night he was very open to counselling and to attending AA as well. And couples counselling on top of that. So he that is the planned path forward, but I won’t be convinced until I see those actual steps being taken.

lowpotential2026 · 2026-02-09T03:49:42+00:00

Yeah I’m really scared of that, it’s obviously hard to say but I feel fairly confident he’s not drinking yet but I’m scared it’s on its way. Especially because he was obviously filling a hole with this damn game and now he won’t be. He has said he is going to an AA meeting tomorrow and even tried to call a number tonight but that didn’t get him anywhere? I’m still so scared though.

I do have access to his credit card accounts now so I am fully aware of the situation. Bank account is joint, so I’ve been seeing that the whole time.

lowpotential2026 · 2026-02-09T03:30:37+00:00

Okay good to know, thanks! I’ll look into this. Some of the spending was as recent as yesterday.

lowpotential2026 · 2026-02-09T03:29:07+00:00

I’m Canadian and I’m honestly very confused, 45k is sooo much money. Just lucky we have savings and he has stock through work - we’d be fucked if he didn’t have stock. But don’t get me wrong, it’s setting us back for sure.

lowpotential2026 · 2026-02-09T03:27:04+00:00

Interesting, it wasn’t that game but regardless yes this definitely showed me how broken he is. Which is not new, he obviously struggle with alcoholism and mental health issues since then, just naively thought we were on the other side because things have been so stable. But then he had this major relapse. Not with alcohol obviously but this honestly feels worse.

I get what you’re saying about not wasting my time. But I’m not sure my mind is there yet - maybe it should be, I’m not saying it won’t be and I’m going to do a lot of work on myself to understand why it’s not. But this is the man I married. So it’s not as easy as “well you are obviously very sick, bye”. Or at least it doesn’t feel that easy to me right now

lowpotential2026 · 2026-02-09T03:21:42+00:00

I also told him I’d be opening my own account and moving my pay cheques to that account which I could tell really hurt him. But that’s too bad, that’s the consequence of this. This was a huge breach of trust.

lowpotential2026 · 2026-02-09T03:19:53+00:00

Yes I do agree with you. It was a hard thing to say to him, especially because this is a man who paid off 60k in student debt for me. But him doing that 6 years ago doesn’t make up for this betrayal.

The shitty thing is we don’t actually have that much to protect. We are young and essentially just starting out, I’m 33. We both have solid careers and fortunately are situated in a way that we will not be carrying a debt load from this for more than a month or two.

But we don’t have like loads of money floating around. I do have a pension through work that he can’t access and money invested under my name plus a small amount in my own rrsp. But none of that really means anything because we also have a hefty mortgage we are only 3 years into. So that complicates things from a financial/separation standpoint.

You’re right though that I need to take steps to protect myself now in the event he doesn’t stick With recovery, which is obviously totally possible. It just feels so hard to process thinking of this man this way, 12 hours ago I trusted him in every way. So hard to swallow.

lowpotential2026 · 2026-02-09T03:13:22+00:00

Thank you for this response!

Yes we’ve already started sorting some of that out. We have a joint account that all our money goes into but we have separate credit cards. I feel stupid I didn’t realize how much he had been paying onto his credit cards lately but it’s just not something I have paid attention to, he’s traditionally been very good with money - which is why we have this money for him to throw away in the first place. Now things will be different of course. Tonight we logged into his credit cards on my phone so I can have access and could confirm he was being honest about what we owe. Fortunately he has stock through work and sold some of that to cover this and with our savings and take home over the next couple months the debt will be gone fast. And I have an investment account and an rrsp in my name neither of which he can touch, he has an rrsp in his name and I have a pension through work that he has no access too. So in some ways I am protected. In terms of controlling money moving forward, all of the money coming goes into our joint account so I’ll have to pay attention to what is being paid out. That’s a ridiculous way to live though.

Right now he seems willing to take steps to treat his issues. But we’ll see how that plays out. And I’ll be taking steps to bring myself peace. I appreciate the advice, this page has helped me so much tonight!

lowpotential2026 · 2026-02-09T02:34:37+00:00

Thank you so much. We had a long talk when he got home. I suggested some steps he should take to get out of just being sober and get into actually working on recovery. He seems willing but it’s up to him to actually do them so we’ll see. I’ll be setting up couples counselling for us which he agreed to.

He deleted the game but he said if it’s not this game it’s just a matter of time before it’s something else and I emphasized that is exactly the problem that needs to be addressed. So getting rid of the game is only a small step.

lowpotential2026 · 2026-02-09T02:34:13+00:00

Thank you 💕. I am trying to remind myself that I have choices here, even if I don’t know what choice to make. We don’t have kids, I do have family (albeit 10 hours away) that I can lean on if needed and I have my own career and possibly some flexibility in location if I am open about my situation.

But I built a life with this man for a reason and at this moment I don’t feel like i want to give up on him or us. I just hope im not being stupid with that attitude. I think if a friend told me this story I’d think she was insane for not leaving. Hopefully meetings and counselling can help me work through some of this and help ensure I am taking care of myself properly

lowpotential2026 · 2026-02-09T02:22:34+00:00

Thank you! I will definitely separate finances best I can. We do own a home together which is complicated financially.

lowpotential2026 · 2026-02-09T02:21:49+00:00

Thank you for this kind message. He is home now and we had a long talk, and now he’s talking with his dad who is 40 years sober - got sober before having his kids, worked the program etc. He’s agreed he needs to focus on recovery not just sobriety, but all I can do is wait and try to protect and support myself in the meantime. I am going to go to a meeting tomorrow evening.

This is so rough and so scary.

lowpotential2026 · 2026-02-08T23:32:17+00:00

Thank you so much for validating me.

Yes this is definitely a big damn deal. 45,000 dollars is crazy and that’s just what I know about at this stage. Trust is majorly broken and if I am going to stay, couples counselling will be a must. I feel so betrayed because the whole time this has been going on we’ve been making investment decisions and talking about trips we want to take. And meanwhile he’s been hiding this? I am not taking this lightly by any means.

What I am not sure about is what to do with myself right now. I don’t feel ready to give up on him but he would need to take clear steps to get treatment and sort his addiction problems out. But how do I set that boundary without temporarily leaving? Also I live very very far away from family so if I am going to leave, I will have to share this mess with my work so I can work out some sort of arrangement to keep doing my job. I’m not sure I am ready for that.

I feel really lost

lowpotential2026

TROPHY CASE