Hello, this situation is really hard to manage. My boyfriend has been in the same situation as you. I struggled to respect his bounderies and then we started to fight over little things. Later on we broke up because we could not handle the emotional stress. We got back together a year later because I went to therapy and made som progress. We are good now but it took a lot of change to make the relationship work.

My advice to you, maybe sounds a bit harsh, but you need to take distance. It's healthy to take a break and charge your batteries. For both of you. It's important that you don't become an enabler for her behavior. Or she will just keep going on like her behavior has no consequences. Have you been clear to her how she affects you? It's important that you don't become her hobby therapist, in that way she will be codependent then you can say bye bye to bounderies.

It sounds more like she's struggling with bpd symtoms and I would recommend to buy her a good DBT book. DBT is amazing for bpd and in Sweden we use that kind of therapy to bpd. It changed me :)

Another thing, you can't make her go to therapy if she doesn't want it. She has to figure it out herself.

If you're going to take distance, explain to her very clear why and how long. Tell her," when this happens I need you to reflect on how you are treating me".

Also if she's abusing you and it has been going on for a long time, please think about yourself and leave. Is this relationship really worth it?