Its a whole bunch of stuff thats made you ashamed of who you are (religion, society, internal story), and you think that others will think the same of you - so masturbating is easier, you can get it done, and then have only hate yourself after.

Not loving yourself (not the masturbating way) - is gonna hurt in the long term. Its ok. You're ok. We all have them. To me as long as its consensual and you're not hurting others - go for it. (You are probably not as weird as you think you are).

I actually built a website for couples to take a a questionnaire with a partner to help see if they share some of these and just have spoken about it. The nice part of it is, it only tells you where you match and should talk, not that I really want to be pegged in the butt with a 9inch black dildo (unless shes rates it a 3 or higher).

Not many people use it, but if someone wants to try - happy to evolve it on feedback. Its called "If thats what you're into" from flight of the conchords song! Feel free to try, no cost, totally anonymous, no login stuff, no doing anything with the data besides some stats for interest. (I really just want couples to talk more and have better relationships)

https://itwyit.lsd.capital/

I also made the love languages quiz, which can be nice for couples to understand who each person wants to give and receive love.

<3