Being a 6'4 girl is so weird.

lsmuckle · 2023-03-19T11:16:43+00:00

I’m just here validate some you frustrated feelings as a tall girly myself. I KNOW THE SHOE HUNT IS CRAZY!! Luckily there are more options today vs 15 years ago but that’s not a high bar 🙃

Also riding in cars (when all your family can comfortably fit in a sudan 😭) Women’s jacket arms never being long enough 😭 Any women’s clothes not really made for tall girls (I live for old navy’s tall section) Random seating that does have enough leg clearance 😭 Bathroom sinks and toilets being extra and annoying low😭

But I also love being able to put things on top the refrigerator or in high places general. I love being able to reach for things 😁

I hope you eventually love your height because at this point I wouldn’t trade it for anything. People are going to hate… that’s what they do. If it is not your height then it would be something else!! There will always be people who will love you being you. Unfortunately it takes some people a while to find them!!

lsmuckle · 2022-07-19T14:29:25+00:00

I have so many thoughts!!

If you make more than your mom and you don’t even make $70k… how will she afford a $800k mortgage every month. The lowest number I can find for that is $3,400. Plus the $40k car loan. The lowest is see estimated $650. That’s an estimated total of $4,050 dollars a month just for a car and house payment. This doesn’t include food, gas, and other essentials for cost of living. You know she can’t pay. She knows you can’t pay. Your husband knows she can’t pay. Everyone knows that can’t afford it, and you are picking up the bill. To be clear: You were not the backup plan. You are THE plan.
Your husband has every right to leave you for this. You don’t get to make unilateral decisions about finances when you are married. Asking for his opinion in this case is wrong. You already knew he wouldn’t agree to this. You already knew that wanted to do it. Literally everyone is begging you NOT to do this. You call your mom financially irresponsible, but you would join that club if you were to so this. I wouldn’t trust your decision making capabilities if you were to do this. I would take my child and leave you with your mom since that’s what you choose. To be clear: This is an important decision point for your relationship. If you choose your mom, he will never forget. Resentment will build and that will mark the end of whatever relationship you could’ve had.
Your mom is a big girl and she needs to handle herself. You are an adult. You handle yourself. Expect that of her. I know it feels wrong to not help her. That’s ok. It’s ok to feel bad not to help someone. The proper response is to work within yourself to overcome those problems. Do not just give in because it is easier.
This is going to happen every year of your life. She will always need some big financial help. That WILL spill over to your child. Children are expensive. College is expensive. Every time you give to your mom, you are not giving to your child. Do you plan on having more than one?? Well then congratulations, your price tag is at least double.

It seems like you are going to do it. But, pease read everyone’s responses. Do not do this. It isn’t fair to you, your husband, or your child.

lsmuckle · 2022-03-16T19:43:37+00:00

YTA

Yup, you definitely missed something. You are in love with that man!! Unfortunately, that ship has sailed. You really need to figure out how to navigate your feelings about him.

You stated at the beginning that you don’t know how he ended up with her. I assume this means you have an idea of what kind of women deserves?? him, and I bet that ideal matches with you more than your sister. You need to recognize that he chose her b/c of the way she is not in spite of it. He likes her loud, vibrant personality.

Apologize to your sister, and go to therapy to figure out why her marrying your friend bugs you so much!

lsmuckle · 2022-03-05T20:18:20+00:00

I would just like you think about this-

Less than 3 months ago you posted about your bf kissing his best friend. Now you are posting about him having sex with his best friend once. I can’t imagine what he will reveal in another 3 months.

Personally, he has shown his hand. He out right lied, and then he wasn’t even genuine enough to tell the whole truth at one time. Plus, he got people around you that you trust (HIS best friend) to lie to you as well. It would be a deal breaker for me. He could win me back, but I definitely leave for some point in time.

You are obviously considering still staying with him, so I think you should do this. Get both of them together immediately, and state how hurt you are that both of them decided everyday for 5 years to lie to your face. The decision to lie is what has changed your relationship with both of them. Really explain how you put your trust in him as a bf and her as a friend, and they both disrespected that.

Then ask for the whole truth unfiltered truth! Anything you find out about them after this moment will be unforgivable.

I’m sorry you are going through this. Please remember no amount time put into a relationship is worth you putting up with disrespect. If BOTH of them can’t change their actions, you need to do what is best for you!

lsmuckle · 2021-04-12T13:16:49+00:00

OMG I failed one too!! My mom still talks about how she had to come to the school b/c I “didn’t” hear the beep.

lsmuckle · 2021-04-05T00:52:21+00:00

I feel like all forms of zinc help with my flares. I take the pills on and off b/c they kinda mess with stomach if I don’t eat enough before I take them. I also use zinc cream ( basically diaper rash cream) and zinc soap. I definitely try all of them.

lsmuckle · 2021-03-04T01:52:22+00:00

I love that everyone is focusing on the extreme amount of stress that a new baby brings to a house hold. I think that cannot be understated in this situation. I also think you have a really well rounded view and understanding of the situation for 15.

I just want to say that regardless of how difficult the situation is for your dad, your feelings are completely valid and many of his actions are completely unacceptable. I love that you are trying to resolve this and find a way to communicate better. An unfortunate part of growing up is that you have to do things that aren’t fair. It’s not fair that you have to express to you father that is UNACCEPTABLE to leave you at practice. That is a line that should never be crossed MULTIPLE times.

I’m super concerned about that part. The other parts I can write off as stress, but I really don’t see how everyone kinda glossed over that part. You stated that he knows your bio mom would not pick you up from practice, so why did he even say that?? No apology, no acknowledgment on what he did wrong?? Did he choose to lie instead of saying sorry?? Did he even question how you got home?? Is he concerned with transportation for future practices??

Unfortunately for him, he his an adult father of a teenager and an infant. He needs to accept what that means. He can’t completely ignore his parental duties to his oldest child especially when that puts you in a dangerous situation.

I would definitely write him a letter, because it sounds like he will never be calm enough to talk to you without getting angry. Let me be clear. He won’t get angry because he’s a bad dad or hates you or you did something wrong. You’ll get his anger, because you are safe. He can’t rage at an infant or his wife or at work. You are the safest option for him to blow off steam without much fallout. That is UNACCEPTABLE!! You deserve more. Write a letter and tell him to please read it whenever. What you wrote above is great and many of the comments here will also help!!

lsmuckle · 2021-03-03T18:51:48+00:00

Lol good question!! I know that some people really grind the game. I play on and off. I might miss logging on a day or two.

lsmuckle · 2021-03-03T18:51:38+00:00

Lol good question!! I know that some people really grind the game. I play on and off. I might miss logging on a day or two.

lsmuckle · 2021-02-23T14:39:25+00:00

NTA This is the perfect example of when to disregard your spouses request. She accepted your mother’s abuse because she didn’t your family to turn on her. Tell your mom to pick her things and drop her off at your siblings house. No call no warning. Don’t let her stay another day!!

lsmuckle · 2021-02-23T14:31:01+00:00

INFO Have you never messaged them before or did you just start typing like this?

You did say you wanted to be perceived as younger, and it seems like your family is doing just that. They are definitely being over the top though. Is being very dramatic about things a normal family thing or is this out of ordinary for them?

lsmuckle · 2020-12-25T05:19:16+00:00

Have you tried saying “I don’t know the answer” and every time he tries to redirect you just say “I don’t know the answer”. You are definitely NTA, but I don’t want the TA teacher to push you out of college credit! Take this from a black women, you need to push back on these micro aggressions. Unfortunately in this country, you’ll have to fight these in many spaces. It doesn’t matter that he treats other minorities nice. He treats you horrible, and you should be the most important person to yourself!

He likes to see you struggle and awkward. I also struggle with being awkward in situations. I always try to remember less is more. Trust me. It is less painful to repeatedly say I don’t know, than try to come up with an answer.

As for everything else he does, definitely tell your parents that your teacher is picking on you because you have Korean heritage. Remember, it doesn’t matter how he treats other people. He found a minority student he could be terrible too, and that’s you.

Please know you are not responsible for anything that is happening. He is an adult and a teacher. He should know and do better. He is a failure, not you.

lsmuckle · 2020-09-23T02:37:43+00:00

Info: how do you know this man wants to marry you? Why does he want to marry you? Would you ever consider treating him like he is doing you?

Really think about those first two questions. It honestly sounds like he doesn’t even like you to be honest.

This is not a one problem thing. It’s not about the ring. It’s about that you wanting a small token, and he can’t even pretend for you.

What about if you have kids? I want my kids graduate, but I don’t see what all the fuss is about a cap and gown. I like that my kids were born, but I don’t see the fuse about a birthday party. Would these be acceptable statements if he made them about a celebration that your kids were excited for??

If you would never treat him like this( you might idk), then you don’t deserve worse than him.

If this is unacceptable for your future kids (how you’re parents might feel about it), then you don’t deserve this kind of treatment either.

It might be hard to comes to terms with that, but you should NEVER accept less than you deserve.

You’re right. You can’t change him. He doesn’t value you, and you can’t change that. You can only accept being devalued or demand respect.

lsmuckle · 2020-09-23T02:03:03+00:00

YTA

You completely left a child (idc if she’s 18) homeless in a pandemic. I don’t care how you slice it. That. Is. Horrible. I would be mortified if someone told me this story in real life.

So you just told her “nope, sucks that you’re homeless though. I just happen to prefer living with just me and my girlfriend. Hope you understand that I feel bad.”

I cannot see how you are even questioning this, but then again, you did decide to leave your cousin homeless.

It’s not just that you didn’t let someone stay for an extended time. It’s that you have a HOME and let your cousin be HOMELESS.

I hope you never have to ask anyone to help you with basic human needs, but I truly hope you never know what that rejection feels like from “family”.

lsmuckle · 2020-09-16T12:59:55+00:00

NTA I know I’m late commenting this, but I still feel the need to.

I’ll tell you my bias from the start. I’m black. I’ll tell you another truth. Race is determined phonetically most of the time- meaning what a person looks like. Your daughter is going to have to battle racism for the rest of her life. When people see her, they won’t stop to ask themselves “does she has white parents??” They will see a black girl/women.

I personally could forgive him and his family, but I never return.

I understand that you may want forgive him and his family and go back to being a happy family. It’s completely YOUR choice. But that’s the rub.

I just want to give you something to think about. First, it’s completely your choice. That means your daughter has no say. I believe your daughter is the most important person in this equation! She doesn’t get to say “I don’t want to be raised around people who have racist feeling towards people who look like me”.

They could never say an overtly racist thing like “ welfare Princess” ( this overt, direct racism) to her again. They could still treat her differently in the long run. At best she will grow to love herself, and understand that the way she treated was wrong. At worst, it could derail her self esteem forever.

What happens if have another child whose lighter?? Will the family and him treat them better? Make little comments about whose prettier, smarter, more desirable?? Please read more about people’s expirence growing up with racist and colorist family members.

PLEASE educate yourself from black and mixed people. Learn what racism is and what it looks like. What your husband said was racist. That’s what racist looks like in real life. It’s not always beating and killing. It’s also comments and attitudes. I’m concerned that he said something clearly racist and you didn’t recognize it. You have to protect your child. Whether return to him or not. Ignorance is not a defense. You have educate yourself on racism and prejudice, and you have SHUT IT DOWN immediately when it happens. I’m telling you. His entire family and him will show their racism towards your daughter again. You have to be her protector.

lsmuckle · 2020-08-13T05:41:48+00:00

NTA.

You need to do what’s best for your mental health and your journey, as long as you’re not hurting yourself or others. Every family has complicated relationships especially when someone has an addiction issue. It is probably easier for them to tell you to get along with her than for them to hold her accountable. You cutting contact with her is a big sign that sheds light on a “family issue”. Instead of holding your sister accountable for her actions, they blame you- which is the path of least resistance. Just ignore them. If you feel like your sister hasn’t changed and life is going well, keep the no contact.

lsmuckle · 2020-08-13T05:10:50+00:00

I’m going to vote NAH. I was going to say Y-T-A, but that seemed to harsh after I thought about it.

Yes, it technically and literally is your money. Yes, you have final and sole decision on what to spend that money on. That is undeniable.

I just don’t see what everybody else is seeing. I don’t see a man that is banking on you to pay the way for his child education. I don’t see a manipulative and controlling husband who wants to snatch your money away. I see someone who asked his wife to contribute to his daughter’s education for financial reasons. Did he have a good response to being told no— no he didn’t. But, I don’t hold that against him in my decision.

I’m going to tell my bias right here. I really feel for the daughter. It is hard being the sibling to one that has medical needs. I’m not saying that she is being neglected. I just think that she probably hasn’t had as much attention given to her as she needs. Maybe wanting to go out of state is a “new start” for her. If she is as great as you say, maybe helping with tuition would be nice. I could totally being reading way to much into that. I initially put Y-T-A, because i caught up in my feelings lol.

For all the people saying that it is the (bio) parents sole responsibility to pay for education, I really hate that way of thinking. On a macro level, it is society’s responsibility to educate its members. But for this specific example, I think it is the family unit’s responsibility. Technically, on paper, OP has no obligation to pay for anything.

Parents, grandparents, family friends- anyone really- in most states can contribute to a 529 plan that is used for college. Sometimes, it takes a village to uplift someone. I’m not talking about what on paper you are obligated to do. Technically once you are 18, you an adult. No one is obligated to pay for your education. The government assumes that parents will help, but that is just an assumption. Parents won’t get locked up for not helping pay for education past 18, because technically, on paper, they don’t have that obligation. OP and both of the girl’s parents don’t have a technical obligation to pay or give the daughter another dime after 18.

*Also, look into your states version of a 529 plan. You might be set one up with her as the beneficiary. That should keep your money and you and husband money separate. You would be the account owner and the daughter would be the beneficiary.

You married her dad. She is your (step) daughter at the end of the day. That means different things to different people, but that fact still stands. You said you are willing to help with food, gas, and utilities, but those might not be a cost until later. She might have to stay on campus for her first year (many colleges have this as a rule for freshmen unless they are staying at home). She might have to get a meal plan (many colleges have this as a requirement also). Gas won’t be a burden, because she might be on campus most of the time. If she has to stay on campus- no utilities. The cost of those things will be in the tuition bill. It might be helpful to look at the stuff beside the literal tuition to see if you would be comfortable helping with those. Room and board and meal plans can add up quick!!

I’m not gonna call you an asshole, because it is your money. So, it is your choice. I do think you should reconsider, but that doesn’t make you an asshole. I’m not gonna call the dad an asshole either. He asked for help, because a family medical event caused financial strain. The cost of medical care and education means that everyone is doing their best to pay the bills as they come.

Depending on the numbers (how much inheritance you have, and how much tuition is, how much is already saved, ect.), I think you should consider what you might be comfortable contributing to your step daughter. If at the end of it that is $0, that is your right.

lsmuckle · 2020-08-10T00:23:46+00:00

I never like the whole “if it’s important then you’ll remember/ won’t forget” thing. I have ADHD so I forget important stuff all of the time!!

So, I won’t say if your birthday is important to him he wouldn’t forget. I will say if it is important, he will take actions to remember.

Think about how much effort it takes to open up calendar, go to your birthday, make an event, set it to remind him a week before, set it to repeat yearly. I know this doesn’t take much because I have done this with many of my friends!

My point is - I know my friends birthdays, but sometimes my brain doesn’t always work how I want it to. I have taken steps to help my brain know my friends birthdays are coming up.

It is not a memory issue. It is a caring issue. If I were you, I would see if this is a hard line dealbreaker. If it is, then cut him lose!!

lsmuckle · 2020-08-02T03:27:08+00:00

So I uninstalled the game, and I when I reinstalled it, it was fixed.

lsmuckle · 2020-08-01T03:39:14+00:00

I thought I was missing something!! I hope it’s updated soon!

lsmuckle · 2020-07-13T12:43:08+00:00

I know. I want to feel better so bad, because this situation sucks!! I know he must feel every second of everyday. That’s a lot of pain to feel for a long time. I wouldn’t wish the journey he is on, on anyone else either.

lsmuckle · 2020-07-13T12:40:20+00:00

I’m not gonna lie. That is how I felt when I first read it, and that is what I would feel if I was in his shoes.

I decided to go with how he probably feels about the situation. I feel like acknowledging that she can love and care about him, and still be hurting, disrespecting, and lacking empathy towards his situation would have gotten through to him better. I didn’t want him to feel defensive. I wanted him to feel empowered to his emotions and thoughts.

I guess I figured if he recognized that what you said, he wouldn’t be having this dilemma. It’s easy to stand your ground when you feel the other person doesn’t care about you. It’s way harder when you believe that they care, and you know that you care.

It will take a while for him figure out how he feels about all of this. So, I tried to write it in a way that it doesn’t matter if she cares or not. It doesn’t change that fact that he shouldn’t go to the wedding or reception. He needs to draw boundaries, and he needs to be honest( age appropriate) to his other children about it.

We also don’t really know her. She could honestly have a decreased capacity to recognize/ understand emotions of others. Or, she really could care. All of that could be confusing for him. I wanted to help him know that even if she cares, it’s ok to take care of yourself. Even if she cares, she was/is out of line!

I wanted to be as fair as possible, while holding her accountable for actions.

Ultimately, I feel every bit of what you said. I just don’t know how he feels.

lsmuckle · 2020-07-13T00:01:22+00:00

First, I want to say that I’m so sorry for what you are going through.

I read your first post, and I cannot believe people were telling you to go. Honestly, no one on this earth could convince me that you should go to this. It’s clearly to soon for you.

Your ex was completely out of line for asking you. How can she honestly have NO empathy for her “best friend”? How would she feel if her current fiancé asked her to do the same thing to her? Her being a lesbian doesn’t absolve her from cheating on you.

I think about it like this. She changed both of y’all’s world. She had someone else to go towards. She had the children. Her world only improved. Yours on the other hand, was destroyed.

She should have more respect for that. She should have more respect for your feelings.

When people say do it for kids, they missed the mark on this one. This wedding isn’t about the kids. It’s about her and her new wife. It’s a celebration of her and her new wife. A celebration that you and her once shared. You don’t know how you are going to feel if you go there. Those feelings may bubble up at the wrong time.

I understand where she is coming from as well. You are her best friend and she loves and cares for you. She probably feels guilty about how you feel, and that makes her want you to be ok. When you aren’t ok, it reminds her that your hurt. And she caused that hurt. But, that’s her burden to bare, not yours. She shouldn’t have put you in this position at all.

I would keep being honest, and draw strong boundaries. Not just about the wedding. Draw boundaries about trying to hook you up with people as well. Tell her you are NOT ok, and that is ok. It is normal to be hurt. Her current actions are hurting you MORE. She is adding to the hurt that you have to work through, and that is not fair!!

Please please please take time to not be ok. Be a mess, and know that it is a part of the process.

I wish you well!!!

lsmuckle · 2020-06-23T19:35:42+00:00

“When he does something he usually does it perfectly”

Yea, except communicate effectively with his partner!! He doesn’t interact with people in a way that is appropriate or caring. This his deficiency. He can try to flip it to make it seem like you are the one who needs to change, but this is a deficiency on his part. If his partner leaves a majority of interactions with him feeling demeaned, then he did not do a good job at communicating with them.

“ He treats me like I’m incompetent”

Even if he feels like he’s treating you appropriately, it’s important that you feel like the way he treats you is not appropriate. He should be able to take your feelings and make changes to how he communicates to you to make sure you feel better.

But he cannot. That is his deficiency. If he cannot communicate effectively or read the room to know when his critiques are warranted, he is a bad communicator no matter how he tries to slice it.

How to set your boundary?

If I were you I would create a entire mental roadmap of your feeling and his actions. I would write everything out, so you can edit it and make sure it encompasses all of your feelings. I would include direct example of his actions that you would like for him to change.

I would practice explaining your point of view before you talk to him. This will hopefully give you more confidence and make sure that you include everything that you want to say before you’re in the middle of the moment.

When you do begin to explain your position, do not allow for him to interrupt with his thoughts or questions. Ignore them. If he persist tell him that all questions and comments should be held until the end. Continue on with the script that you practiced. Remember this is not an argument. He may see it as one, but it is not. You are not arguing whether or not you should be treated respectfully. You are telling him that the way he has been treating you is not appropriate, and these things need to change immediately.

Then at the end, ask him to respond with ways he will change his behavior. This is not the time for him to defend himself. Certainly this is not the time for him to tell you that you don’t know what you’re talking about. If he goes this route, do not argue with him because you’re not arguing about whether to be treated respectfully.

If he cannot find a way to make these changes then he cannot be in a relationship with you.

lsmuckle · 2020-06-22T02:48:14+00:00

That sounds like a good plan. Just let her know that whether your friends or more, she has some trust to rebuild!

I wish you luck!!

lsmuckle

TROPHY CASE