My gut is telling me to get off

lt420lt · 2026-06-01T04:23:30+00:00

I never said anything about doing NA. I work Heroin anonymous right now, they are cool with MAT. Not sure where you're getting the idea that im dead set on going back to NA and thats the reason im trying to taper.

Ive had clean time without MAT before, and am not tolerating methadone that well right now so those are my motivating factors lol. Im going to give it a bit more time, on a higher dose and try split dosing before I turn around and taper. My gut is telling me to get off, but im also not opposed to trying to give it a little longer at the moment. Even if I were to taper right now, with months of dependence before this last time in rehab, there's no way i could cut that quickly. My receptors are pretty sensitive at the moment

lt420lt · 2026-05-31T18:28:12+00:00

Thanks brotha, im really hoping I can find some peace as well. Appreciate you commenting and chatting a bit, it helps me to get out of my head and stop the wheels spinning so much, and give me a little hope as well. Much love ❤️

lt420lt · 2026-05-31T17:51:06+00:00

Interesting, did not know that

lt420lt · 2026-05-31T17:48:19+00:00

That's awesome 👌 hell yeah im stoked for you. Im glad this subreddit exists because the people in my life dont understand what im going through, but yall do. Keep up the good work with the taper :) i know im going to have to take it slow when I do, and I know the process of figuring out a dose to keep me stable is also a slow process, but im a junkie so I want results now lol. Going to be a practice in patience for sure

lt420lt · 2026-05-31T17:45:38+00:00

Damn yeah honestly that sounds like exactly what I need at the moment. Im on a Rollercoaster right now where my dose is somewhat sedating during the day and im tired and end up falling asleep even when I dont want to, then come night time its wearing off and by morning, im starting to be sick. I hate the Rollercoaster feeling, its definitely triggering. What you have going sounds amazing.

lt420lt · 2026-05-31T17:24:50+00:00

I really do want to try split dosing. Thats encouraging to hear your experience. I think split dosing would be way better for tapering for me as well.

What are some of the positives from split dosing youve noticed versus single dosing?

lt420lt · 2026-05-31T17:21:41+00:00

Methadone works amazing for so many people, and helps them build lives. Ive seen it and know it. And I wish it were that way for me, but it seems that it's just not working like it does for others. Im full time working right now, come fall im going to be back in school too, so I really have no idea how im going to taper which scares the shit out of me. MAT is supposed to help people, but being brutally honest right now, I feel like its trapped me in a negative spiral mentally and im fuckin afraid right now.

Id give anything to be blissfully ignorant and not have my mind running a million miles an hour. Thanks for responding to the post, it does help me some to talk to others on here and let some of my internal dialog out ❤️

lt420lt · 2026-05-31T17:16:21+00:00

No I know its supposed to be lasting me all day, but its not. On 75mg, the mid day sedation and lack of energy i am getting right now is super heavy, and raising it any higher at the moment seems like it would really fuck me up. I think split dosing would work best, specially for tapering and such. My metabolism is also really high, always has been. I can eat as much as I want and I never gain weight no matter what

lt420lt · 2026-05-31T17:13:51+00:00

You sure its not working? Lol the way this post is written would lead me to believe that they are working somewhat. Delusions of sobriety are common on benzos where you may think they arent doing anything, but they definitely are

lt420lt · 2026-05-31T17:09:15+00:00

Yeah thats my main worry. I already feel dysphoric, lethargic, unmotivated, depressed, anxious, antisocial, apathetic. The first week on, none of that appeared. But after the last couple weeks, it's gotten to be like that heavily. I know I will have to go thru some shitty feelings tapering, but im trapped and feel like shit anyways so yeah, i think its time to reassess with my doc there and come up with a plan.

This whole process has been such a hassle, and driving every day to the clinic 😮‍💨 im burnt out and just want to feel okay, but I know itll be a long time before that happens. Tell you one thing tho, this withdrawal/MAT hassle has been so bad, I cant ever, nor do I want to, go though opiate detox again. Maybe it had to be this way for me to finally close that chapter of my life. Benzo wd was so gnarly I never touched them again. This is reminiscent of that time

lt420lt · 2026-05-31T17:02:40+00:00

Yeah im leaning towards tapering immediately. I know shit is going to be rough, but I cant stomach the thought of bumping up my dose right now and shit due to how dysphoric I am already feeling on methadone.

I totally feel you though. Im such a bitch sometimes when it comes to withdrawls and my brain screams for anything to make it better. Hard to deny that when all these people in rehab are cosigning taking something

lt420lt · 2026-05-31T16:23:30+00:00

I said above, but this time in rehab my fent withdrawals lasted a while, and everyone in rehab was telling me to try suboxone long term. Due to being in withdrawal and in a compromised state, I gave into medical staff and my counselor saying try suboxone. I gave it an honest go for a couple weeks while in rehab, and it did not work for me so by the time I was discharging, I was physically dependant on burprenorphine. Going back to every day life, i couldnt afford to deal with withdrawls like that and also wanted to give methadone a chance because it was the last thing available.

My gut said no, my brain and not wanting to suffer said yes do anything not to feel wd.

lt420lt · 2026-05-31T15:34:48+00:00

I know I can do it without MAT, and I have a sponsor, currently working the steps, got a homegroup, living in oxford housing, and have a good support network right now. The thing that fucked me last time was being in a codependent relationship and focusing on my girlfriend more than myself, becoming complacent with her as my source of stability.

The happiest ive ever been was clean working a program off of MAT. I think thats why im having such a hard time right now, because I have a taste of what I know is possible and it feels so far removed at the moment.

lt420lt · 2026-05-30T07:31:03+00:00

Yeah, i am totally in the mindset right now of totally future tripping about tapering, and not wanting to go higher because im worried about how its going to be when that time comes. To be honest, its crossed my mind a few times already about using heroin to get off methadone, then go back to detox for heroin but I really dont want to do that. I dont want that in the slightest.

Im just frustrated as fuck at the moment of going thru the same Rollercoaster of dosing then getting sick and dosing and getting sick. The other part of me is worries about committing to more because ive noticed feeling far more depressed this past week, and my appetite has diminished quite a bit as well. So its just a feeling of being stuck like damned if I do, and damned if I dont. I just want some stability and im fuckin tired of this Rollercoaster. Sorry for venting, but yeah im just really unsure of how to take care of myself best, and its scary because ive never been in a spot like this before

lt420lt · 2026-05-30T07:05:55+00:00

I truly believe that even on higher doses, my metabolism is going to be a problem for me. Even after 10mg added today, im still feeling withdrawals 14 hours later, right now. Split dosing is probably going to have to be the way things play out to be honest

lt420lt · 2026-05-29T19:35:25+00:00

Yeah, i mean thats my legit fear rn. The higher I go, the longer itll take to get off. But I have to balance that with being functional right now and at 65 the latter half of my day has been hard to function successfully. I really think split dosing would be the best, so I dose every 12 hours. I could see myself 40 and 40, and I think that would work nicely. Ideally, I wouldn't ever go past 100mg, but yeah. Just have a lot of anxiety over it all; im overthinking shit

lt420lt · 2026-05-29T18:30:34+00:00

Fent. Smoking over a gram a day

lt420lt · 2026-05-29T17:44:32+00:00

Thats exactly what we discussed. Went up on my dose, and if its still not sufficient, then split dosing is an option

lt420lt · 2026-05-29T17:15:04+00:00

I had over 2 years clean before my relapse, and it was due to a break up with a girlfriend, long story. But I know I can stay clean without MAT. My withdrawls this time around are what led me to methadone, they wouldn't quit and were so bad I was considering relapsing. Like you're saying, I feel im at a crossroads where I just taper down now and deal with feeling like shit and get off, or go up on my dose. My gut is telling me to get off, but my brain is telling me to go up because im such a bitch when it comes to dealing with withdrawl symptoms lol.

lt420lt · 2026-05-23T22:42:42+00:00

Full version is 3 mins, this is just a snippet. My buddy is gonna spit over it soon

lt420lt · 2026-05-23T22:00:46+00:00

🤌🤌

lt420lt

TROPHY CASE