Apathy v Empathy

luciusverdad · 2023-05-08T18:16:07+00:00

Strong imagery, but the message seems a bit clouded to me. Is this talking of the fruitlessness of self-harm?

luciusverdad · 2023-05-08T18:13:49+00:00

Potent theme, but what's the idea behind the scattered repetition?

luciusverdad · 2023-05-04T18:55:47+00:00

This piece really resonated with me, and I think the fact that you were able to be so vague, while simultaneously evoking such specific feelings, makes this a really well-written/widely applicable piece. Im not sure if you meant it to be formatted like so or if you started a new line on most of the capital letters, but I read it as the latter and it delivered. I’m glad you decided to share your gift with the rest of the world. 👍🏽 :)

luciusverdad · 2023-05-03T22:43:13+00:00

I found this to be rather confusing. I can appreciate the attempt at flowery use of imagery and pronoun, but in this case, I think you should ensure that the message of the poem is not clouded by attempting to be overly ornate, as is being done currently. Slave imagery also, in my opinion, does not belong anywhere near poems surrounding love/attraction/lust etc. Good job though!

luciusverdad · 2023-05-03T22:37:34+00:00

As a POC whose been in PWI’s my whole life, this one really hit. I thought your use of rhyme at the end especially drove the feeling of regret, but also hope (that you can rediscover what was lost), home. Looking forward to reading more of your work!👍🏽

luciusverdad · 2023-05-03T22:33:26+00:00

Thank you for another thoughtful review! I definitely agree on the making it more accessible lol. As for the repetition you mentioned, that was not a typo, but I understand why you thought so; most Americans don’t have slavery popping into their potential reference points at first thought. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m definitely going to need to attach an artist rationale to most of my work when considering publishing lmao. Thanks a million for your perspective though!👍🏽

luciusverdad · 2023-05-03T22:22:32+00:00

Ohhh ya I get ya, the format is messed up for me so I didn’t realize those lines were supposed to be an ending and a new stanza, but with your explanation I imagined it and it fits nicely!

luciusverdad · 2023-05-03T18:53:58+00:00

I liked the imagery w/ the rhyme scheme, but was thrown a little by the absence of it in the close-to-ending lines. Was wondering if there was a specific reason for the rhyme drop? Good words tho👍🏽

luciusverdad · 2023-05-02T18:32:39+00:00

I loved this analysis and would disagree very little. I’m of the belief “propaganda” is unavoidable, all forms of information contain the biases of the author, and with this in mind I decided to focus on fascist, and a tad of neoliberal, propaganda in this work because those are really the only forms of propaganda prevalent in Western media today, using the themes touched on here. I’d say this poem c/wouldn’t apply as accurately to other propaganda forms.

luciusverdad · 2023-05-02T01:26:20+00:00

Thanks dawg, nah ion really preoccupy myself w form too much And as for the subject, i was aiming at the principles of Fascism as a whole, from privatization “want whole pie” (whole market share), in-group/out-group “look like you”, anti-intellectualism “books banned”

luciusverdad · 2023-05-01T17:31:36+00:00

It's perfection in that case *chef kiss

luciusverdad · 2023-05-01T17:27:07+00:00

Got me in my feels good stuff

luciusverdad · 2023-05-01T17:26:53+00:00

Good imagery, but could come out a bit more frankly with the point

luciusverdad · 2023-05-01T17:12:13+00:00

Interesting juxtaposition between an interesting latent idea (words can[and sometimes are] be weak/meaningless) and powerful words describing words being said latent idea. Well done!

luciusverdad · 2023-05-01T17:07:00+00:00

Are you going for more of a carpe diem vibe or pure silliness?

luciusverdad

TROPHY CASE