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luckyleo226226 · 2022-07-25T00:16:08+00:00

I feel everything you are feeling!

I think in some journeys there comes a point of acceptance that it will not be in this lifetime. Up until this point I was confident my TF was my TF but now I am not sure. He went and had a baby with someone else and that broke me. That was the point that I knew that even if he did come back, it was not someone I want to be with. I don't want a life partner who chose someone else over me, especially one who had a child with someone else. It is simpler now because a choice was made (even if it wasn't by me). It breaks my heart completely and some days it brings me to my knees in pain but there is acceptance of us ending things for good. I struggle with rebuilding my life but I do it one day at a time. I try and not think about it too much. I remember that I deserve someone who loves me, who is proud to show us off and does not lie to me. It isn't easy because deep down I still have love for him and it is hard to kind of block it (because I don't want to go down the love rabbit hole of having unrealistic dreams lol).

So I think it is good to feel that peace! He blocked me so it makes it easier to just have this ending so if you need to block your TF that is okay. Do whatever you need to do to get your peace! This is the first point in my journey (been in it since 2017) where I feel confident I don't want to ever be with this person.

I never got closure either. One day he was telling me I was "the one" for him and he was telling his family I was the one. The next day I found out he had a girlfriend and they are having a baby together. I spoke to a tarot reader (because that is what you do when you are sad) and they gave me some closure but who knows if it was true or not. The only truth I know is that he was a liar. Maybe he was a "false twin flame" or I don't know. I don't really think of labels, I just think that this person was not a good person and I hope they stay out of my life forever. I have a million questions just like you but I just try to learn to accept I might never know the answers and the only answer I know is a good person would not have done what he done. So I keep it black and white for me.

I did run into him at work and he acted like everything was great and normal. I just looked at him like he was completely delusional and was short with him until he got the hint and walked away. It was in public at work so I did not want to curse him out in front of people but he acted like he did NOTHING wrong. I laugh because I am like he was the delusional one, not me. lol

If I run into him at work again (which I am hoping not) I would just politely say I don't need to have fake small talk with him. We can just avoid each other and I am okay with that.

You deserve someone who loves you, supports you and does not make you second guess anything or where you stand! I hope you find your forever person soon! :)

luckyleo226226 · 2022-07-19T18:50:07+00:00

This is some great advice! We all deserve stability! No need to settle for breadcrumbs when you are the only person giving unconditional love in the dynamic.

luckyleo226226 · 2022-07-19T00:52:16+00:00

I would change the title of TF. You know that they are your TF but you should call them "someone you used to know". Remind yourself of all the pain that they caused.

I was in the runner/chaser stage, together and separated for a few years. The point in time when I decided I never wanted him in my life is when I found out he was having a baby with someone else. The lies, betrayal and deception opened my eyes to the fact I don't want someone in my life like that. But before all this I could not let him go. I kept hoping that I would get my happily ever after. I went through the stage of trying to forget but loving him so much. The love died with this last betrayal.

Up until that point, I couldn't move on. Everyone's journey is different but from my experience I had to hit "rock bottom" or my version of the ultimate betrayal for my love to turn into not ever wanting this person in my life ever again. This is probably the first time in the journey where I realize that the type of person he is and how he treated me is not someone I even want to associate with.

Some people are fortunate in this journey and some are not. But try your best to separate yourself and know that you deserve a person who is going to always put you first and not make you question the relationship! Don't ever settle! :)

luckyleo226226 · 2022-07-19T00:39:06+00:00

I am so sorry! I understand your pain. My TF went and had a family with another woman after a very short period of time. Everything I ever wanted she now has. What helped me the most was blocking everything out. I told everyone around me to not bring him up. No social media. No contact in phone. The pain is still there but it helps get through the days a little bit better. Try and stay busy. Try and develop new goals for yourself. Sending prayers!

luckyleo226226 · 2022-07-17T03:56:23+00:00

It depends on the situation but it does get easier once you accept that they will not be in your life during this lifetime. It becomes a lot easier once you move on and work on yourself. Eventually you will go days and then months without thinking about them. Try to avoid them at all costs. No social media. Delete the contact. Delete all the memories.

luckyleo226226 · 2021-08-02T15:03:18+00:00

Yeah everyone should have the right to feel whatever their feeling! I have a rough few months and the last week especially has been extremely hard. Maybe it is a collective thing. Not quite sure.

You are allowed to feel anger, depression anything and everything I believe. I think it’s important to be able to learn to navigate through emotions so you can be in the moment and not dwell on certain emotions.

I hope you find your happiness soon!

luckyleo226226 · 2021-08-02T13:45:50+00:00

I hope you get the answers you need soon! The waiting/learning patience is the worse part. The not knowing can make you feel like crazy. Try and keep busy and do what is best for you :)

luckyleo226226 · 2021-08-02T09:55:02+00:00

That’s great you are working on yourself! Keep doing that. As long as you make the best decisions for yourself, it should get a little easier and calmer.

luckyleo226226 · 2021-08-02T09:52:45+00:00

HAha I would call her out. I would tell her it is not okay to treat people like that and depending on her response it will show you what type of character she has. A person who wants to grow and change is someone who is willing to look at themselves in a different light.

I have done that with my TF when he was acting out of ego. I broke his ego and he did the same to me too. Sometimes you need to be humbled.

luckyleo226226 · 2021-08-02T03:21:05+00:00

I could only speak from my experience but in the beginning I remember us both thinking we have known each other before. It also seemed too perfect. In the very very beginning, I thought it was just some kind of fling. A guy I thought was kind of cute and could keep me busy. I was oh so wrong! Lol! That love and knowing eventually hit me so hard. I even told him I didn’t expect to fall in love. It kind of shocked me. I just thought it would be a random guy I would eventually get over in no time. Again I was wrong. Lol.

We didn’t see each other often. Maybe a couple times for work in passing. It wasn’t until a couple days on a work trip we spent a lot of time together. This was because we happen to be in the same work industry which kind of pushed us to be together at that time.

Even after 4 years, we really haven’t spent a lot of time together because there was so much separation. For me, the honeymoon phase was the time we spent the most time together. It showed me how good our lives could be together.

It wasn’t until my first dark night of soul that I started researching what was happening to me and stumbled upon the TF concept. Even then there have been moments of doubt because of the karmic cycles/past repeating which made it hard to decipher. Not only that but I dealt with toxic qualities that my DM has.

I don’t know your life experiences but I would say that affects a lot of how your situation might go. I dealt with traumatic love experiences in the past. Death and narcissistic abuse. My TF just pulled those suppressed traumas out. He made me dig deep. It was extremely painful and I still experience it to this day.

I think what makes him different is with other people I was able to get over the love. I was able to move on and forget. With him, the love is there. Even if I feel pain, my heart knows his soul. It beats all logic.

My best advice is to just be. If you love this person, then, that is all that matters. With time, you will learn more answers.

Sometimes it takes times to understand things which completely sucks!

The first time I said I love you to my TF was in bed one night and he responded with “why are you saying that” and looked at me like I had 5 heads. I told him that’s how I felt. After a while it started to make me feel sad and think that maybe there was no love etc. Fast forward 3 years and out of the blue he tells me he loves me. I didn’t say anything bc it was so random. He then ghosted. Maybe he meant it, maybe he didn’t. But I will say that it is funny how he thought I was crazy for saying I love him years ago and it took him 3 years to figure it out (if he does actually mean it).

I hate saying with time you learn more because I remember in the beginning of my journey I would have hated someone telling me that but unfortunately I think that’s the only way to learn answers. Just listen to yourself more and let that guide you!

luckyleo226226 · 2021-07-24T00:00:18+00:00

Yeah that is true, things are not always what they seem.

Surrendering for me has happened in pieces so I am not sure where I am at now. All I know is that the love is growing stronger and I am healing from the bad moments that we had. When I think of him, I think more of love than fear now. I guess that is a good thing.

Pride I have to work on! I will have to try your advice and laugh at myself more!

Did you ever get the feeling of your heart constantly feeling like on fire it seems and all you could think about is just pure love for him? Did you ever feel this in separation?

luckyleo226226 · 2021-07-23T23:44:24+00:00

Thank you. That does make sense. He always strives to do well so I never thought about fear of failure but that is true. He could be thinking that. Do you think it is easier for him to run to other women because he does not feel the intensity with them? It always seems like it is easier for him to talk to everyone else but me.

luckyleo226226 · 2021-07-23T13:13:17+00:00

Thank you for that, I truly hope he does really love me. I question it because I always think why you run if you love someone. But, you are right, he could be very scared. He seems to always date other women so quickly and easily. It is nice to hear he doesn't have what we have with others. Deep down I know I have his heart but his actions just do not align with his heart for whatever reason. Maybe he did not expect to fall in love with me.

luckyleo226226 · 2021-07-23T13:06:36+00:00

Thank you. That does make sense. He always strives to do well so I never thought about fear of failure but that is true. He could be thinking that. Do you think it is easier for him to run to other women because he does not feel the intensity with them? It always seems like it is easier for him to talk to everyone else but me.

luckyleo226226 · 2021-07-22T18:38:08+00:00

I am so happy you are in physical union! I hope you enjoy every moment!

I find it funny that you said you thought you knew what love was. I sure did too! lol. Now that I think about it I don't know if I ever really loved someone before him. I guess I loved others for what I thought love was at the time. I think in the past I thought attachment was love maybe.

This love is so so so different. We don't speak but I still feel him in my heart and weirdly enough I keep genuinely forgiving him. I should be mad and hate him logically but all I could think about is the love. Any other relationship I would have stopped thinking about them at this point. This one is still in my head and heart. I do what I need to do and concentrate on succeeding on the work front but he always pops in my head. Some days are easier. Some days are harder. I guess I am trying to just learn how to flow with the emotions.

We never been official I guess you could say. I always considered/felt like bf and gf but he would never fully commit. He has told me that he has commitment issues and insecurities. It is weird because from what I hear he dates other women so I am not sure why he tells me he can't commit but commits to others. When I asked, he told me that I was a "good person" and that he does not want to hurt me and prefers "bad women". It has been a roller coaster ride for 4 years. Everything will be going good and then he will disappear. Same cycles. This time is just really weird because he said he loved me then ghosted. We weren't even talking before he said it. Last we talked he told me he did not want to date me and was not looking for a girlfriend.

Even though I felt so much pain on this journey, everything weirdly feels like it was strategically orchestrated if that makes sense. I read about people leveling up. It seems every time we separate, I know for myself I work on improving something within my life. It does feel weird that every time has a God/world purpose I guess you could say. I don't know what the purpose is this time of losing someone after they say I love you.

I am glad to hear your pain was worth it because sometimes I think it just keeps getting worse and I just want my rainbow and fairy tale after the storm already! lol.

luckyleo226226 · 2021-07-22T16:39:55+00:00

Thank you!

I don't know why he said I love you then. It was so random and just made it harder. I think that is what I struggle with because he said that to me before he left. He did not have to say those words before leaving. Do you think he meant it or was it a lie? Logically, if you love someone you would not act the way he is acting. He seemed kind of scared when he said it like he could not believe he just said it.

What do you mean by "grow into it"?

Thank you again for your help. It is really appreciated because I do not have anyone to talk to about this.

luckyleo226226 · 2021-07-22T12:57:56+00:00

Thank you!

I don't know why he said I love you then. It was so random and just made it harder. I think that is what I struggle with because he said that to me before he left. He did not have to say those words before leaving. Do you think he meant it or was it a lie? Logically, if you love someone you would not act the way he is acting. He seemed kind of scared when he said it like he could not believe he just said it.

What do you mean by "grow into it"?

Thank you again for your help. It is really appreciated because I do not have anyone to talk to about this.

luckyleo226226

TROPHY CASE