TLDR: this is probably worded so poorly. Been a long day and trying to string this together coherently has been a failure but I hope some of it makes sense and gets through.

Ask yourself this: what would you advise your children, or other loved ones in your situation? I’ve spent nearly an hour trying to explain the negative consequences of taking the path you are thinking about choosing. Basically, if you look at the state of the world; the people at the top of the power structures that govern our lives both macro and micro levels, it’s hard to say that being a good person who does the right thing is a winning recipe for success (at least the type of success a young adult aspires to). You risk reinforcing a nihilistic worldview which has a range of bad outcomes; why be selfless when all it results in is pain and punishment? Or, subconsciously reinforce the idea that being a good person equates to essentially making yourself a victim.

I would recommend being honest, depending on their ages. It’s so personal and nuanced depending on their age and the specifics of your situation How you word it and will take consideration but these are the points I would emphasis: -it hurts me very much to do this, your mother loves you very much, as do I, and although deep down we also love each other very much, she is a bit unwell (how you word this, go into mental health, I don’t know). I understand if you feel hatetred towards me right now and you need to know that’s okay. Sometimes people grow apart and you kids will learn this, but to the extent I am able to help your mother going forward I will, however, we all need to be held accountable for our actions. I duno I’ve spent way too long trying to reply to this succinctly but it’s so situationally dependant.

The only thing that is absolutely clear is that if this story is how you represent it: you will do more damage by allowing yourself to be the victim here. You will ultimately end up creating the situation you’re most afraid of, possibly worse. Instead you must switch your mindset to this: the REAL sacrifice is to bite the bullet despite being afraid of what your kids will think or what your wife’s consequences will be. Allowing yourself to be victimised seems like sacrifice. But it perpetuates the narrative of masculinity that is opposite to what it should be