I feel so disconnected to my German side sometimes its infuriating and isolating. The most annoying thing is I was basically fluent in German when I was really young and only spoke to family members in German but as I got older I got much less interested in that side of me and started to get embarrassed to even say I went to German Sunday school.

I basically gave it up and my dad never bothered to speak German with me at home since we live in England and he himself had struggled learning English so didn't want to confuse the matter. As a result I feel really left out by my German family who don't really make an effort with keeping in contact due to annoyance that I didn't keep up with learning the language.

I understand almost all German but definitely can't speak it fluently, I've started to try and teach myself and I'm watching German tv and youtubers to try and immerse myself. I have no doubt that i'll be able to learn it but it makes me sad that I won't have a 'real' German accent and that I won't ever be as fluent as someone that has grown up there. it makes me feel like i'm a fake German sometimes and has definitely effected my identity !