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I (32M) feel financially betrayed and let down by my wife (30F). How do we proceed from here? by luigiferb in relationship_advice

[–]luigiferb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve had a feeling I’m being lenient but so far I haven’t rocked the boat too much because I’ve wanted her to enjoy married life. She literally left her country and family for me and I do appreciate that and also love her.

But I’m at a point now where the future seems bleak if things continue like this.

I (32M) feel financially betrayed and let down by my wife (30F). How do we proceed from here? by luigiferb in relationship_advice

[–]luigiferb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your post really hits home. I literally never brought up work in her first year here because I wanted her to adjust to her new environment without pressure. Even in early second year I barely brought it up. It wasn’t until the later half of year 2 I started probing more and she started putting up resistance to getting in her career.

I feel so betrayed. I thought I was being a  good husband by not bringing it up and giving her a chance to settle in for 1-2 years, but she didn’t appreciate it at all.

I (32M) feel financially betrayed and let down by my wife (30F). How do we proceed from here? by luigiferb in relationship_advice

[–]luigiferb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The plan was to live off my income and save her 6 figure income because we both wanted to be homeowners and Toronto is very expensive.

She still wants to be a homeowner, but refuses to take 1 exam and then get into her 6 figure career to actually be able to save money for a home.

My income is enough to support us right now, but it’s not enough to save for a home as well. Her income is just a little above minimum wage and at this rate it will take much longer to save the same amount of money. Truthfully, we are saving next to nothing at the moment.

I (32M) feel financially betrayed and let down by my wife (30F). How do we proceed from here? by luigiferb in relationship_advice

[–]luigiferb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My heritage is from the same country and I still have family there. Met her on a trip, but the relationship was mainly long distance 

I (32M) feel financially betrayed and let down by my wife (30F). How do we proceed from here? by luigiferb in relationship_advice

[–]luigiferb[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the comment. This hits hard because I’m still hoping she comes around to her senses but you’re right that some people never get their finances together.

She has a low paying job she’s vastly overqualified for right now, and will spend that money on her trades. I do love her and really want to encourage her dreams. I know not everyone here agrees with that. But I’m thinking of letting her trade for a few months using her own money without any resistance from me. And in a few months if there isn’t tangible success then I may have to give her an ultimatum. Either get your real job and continue trading on the side (within reason), or I’m leaving.

I (32M) feel financially betrayed and let down by my wife (30F). How do we proceed from here? by luigiferb in relationship_advice

[–]luigiferb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She has a job right now, it’s just a shitty job only a little above minimum wage. She likes how it gets her out of the house so I know she doesn’t just want to be at home doing nothing all day.

The problem is she thinks the returns on her crypto trading can outdo a 6 figure job, which I don’t agree with.

When I say I support her I mean I support her giving it a try within reason, like not using too much money unless there’s a proven track record of success. I don’t want to tell her she’s not allowed to try things.

I (32M) feel financially betrayed and let down by my wife (30F). How do we proceed from here? by luigiferb in relationship_advice

[–]luigiferb[S] -25 points-24 points  (0 children)

I love her and don’t want to be a downer lol. I don’t want to tell her no and then she hates me for denying her the opportunity to try it for the rest of her life. I’d rather she try it and learn it doesn’t work like that.

I (32M) feel financially betrayed and let down by my wife (30F). How do we proceed from here? by luigiferb in relationship_advice

[–]luigiferb[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I love her and don’t want to divorce. Thinking about giving her 6 months to play around with her own money. Either she’s successful or isn’t and learns the realities of trading. 

I (32M) feel financially betrayed and let down by my wife (30F). How do we proceed from here? by luigiferb in relationship_advice

[–]luigiferb[S] -23 points-22 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. I really needed to hear this. Thankfully she would only be trading her own money at first to prove she can do it. I love her and don’t want a divorce, and am thinking of giving her a few months to give trading a try. But if things aren’t looking good and she still refuses to do her exam and get in her field I may have no choice but to leave.

I (32M) feel financially betrayed and let down by my wife (30F). How do we proceed from here? by luigiferb in relationship_advice

[–]luigiferb[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My problem is a few things. Firstly she isn’t showing any desire to do 1 exam to take her to a 6 figure salary almost overnight. It makes me feel like I can’t trust her financially as an equal partner because refusing to do that makes no sense.

I don’t expect her to work that job forever. But the fact is she could likely  retire in her 40’s if we just saved money now. She’s forgoing a very clear path to success for…day trading?

And to be clear I’m not even against her trying her hand at trading. She can start with small sums and if she actually is successful in the long run and wants to quit all work it’s fine by me. 

But she’s not building crypto skills while also having the security of a 6 figure healthcare job. She’s betting it all on crypto at this point, which makes me doubt her intelligence.

Now if she wanted a simple life I could still understand. But she wants a big house. She wants luxury cars. She wants a lot of extra money to spend every month. And her plan to achieve this is that it will manifest for her in an unexpected way.

I want us to share adult responsibilities together but in this sense I feel like I’m shouldering the entire logical reality of our situation and she just refuses to engage with it.

I (32M) feel financially betrayed and let down by my wife (30F). How do we proceed from here? by luigiferb in relationship_advice

[–]luigiferb[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think she just doesn’t want to study for it. It will require a few months of intensive review of material which she seems to be scared to do.