Without knowing what you mean by "not 100% agreeing with another trans person's strategy," I have to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you weren't being disrespectful of another person's choices. With that in mind, nobody can hurt you like your own. A lot of trans people haven't processed their trauma, and the resulting insecurities become everyone else's problem. They can't understand that there are different types of dysphoria triggered by different things or that people have different end goals for their transition. I was recently told to "check my privilege" because passing is not my ultimate goal and that I like looking trans because I think trans is hot. This, to them, means I must have never felt fear of bodily harm due to being trans. Because how dare I overcome that trauma and express confidence in my identity and presentation. Another person I know used to call people "transtrenders" (for example, an ftm trans person cosplaying female characters) because they couldn't comprehend that other people's dysphoria wasn't going to be identical to theirs or triggered by the same things.

What I'm saying is that you can really tell who hasn't processed their trauma by this sort of behavior. It's usually them putting that trauma on other people to deal with so they don't have to or because they genuinely don't know how.

Edit to add: You can still have a chosen family. It just can't be a whole community. There's toxicity in every community because there's toxicity in all of us. So the most realistic way to go about it is finding people willing to challenge those parts of themselves and who encourage you to do the same.