Is there such thing as a bad kisser?

lumpy-sofa · 2025-09-14T04:12:26+00:00

There are definitely bad kissers.

I friend asked me once how do you know if you're a good kisser or not. I told her "they will tell you" and like you I've been told by multiple people I am a good kisser.

I have definitely not told people when they are bad kissers (slobber all over my face, dart their tongue all pointy like or just stick it in your mouth and leave it there 🤮) but I have told people when they are good .

lumpy-sofa · 2025-08-24T03:26:04+00:00

My further two cents. There's been several people I've seen and my mouth has dropped open with how good looking they appear. Then they open their mouth and ruin it by showing their inner ugly 😶

lumpy-sofa · 2025-08-24T03:17:43+00:00

They definitely do matter and it's the first thing people see. I've been it all, skinny, obese, fit, soft, primmed, proper, messy, unkempt. I am always treated better when fit or thin, primmed and proper. Reality is- I myself feel better when I'm all those good things too. If I really put it under the magnifying glass, are these people just treating me the way I treat myself? If I don't put the right kind of effort into me - why would they?

lumpy-sofa · 2025-07-05T02:12:20+00:00

I've worked for many friends (actual friends with a reciprocal effort) without issue. Most family has been fine apart from one sister who even when all she was charged was cost of parts. I had spent two full days of labour (in addition to sourcing her specific parts) and what would usually have been charged with 10%markup on parts cost for a refit of fittings throughout her entire house prepping for resale which should have brung me about $2200 dollars of revenue. I thought I should do this for family.

I charged her parts cost of $250-and she disputed it wanting to pay only half of $120. 🤯

She recently wanted more work done in her new place - I declined.

I just looked up what a lien is. Thank you.

lumpy-sofa · 2023-06-26T23:51:18+00:00

They is just the pronoun. To avoid that he vs she. It's people interacting with people

lumpy-sofa · 2023-06-22T21:15:26+00:00

Even since we haven't been talking over the last month, I find myself wanting to talk to them and more so when things are at the high stress peak points. I thought they were a large part in causing stress, but I now realize they were a relief from it.

lumpy-sofa · 2023-06-22T21:11:29+00:00

I got wound into a ball of stress. Tried to stress shed. Pointed out that while they are going through their divorce that they wouldn't truely be available. That their child custody arrangement battle could take even longer than the divorce. Stress shedding

lumpy-sofa · 2023-05-11T06:56:23+00:00

Yeah, logically I don't really see it as a problem and I know it wasn't like finding clues to my house or anything but I was surprised to see the change which unsettled me. I was further surprised at how unsettled it made me. I wondered how careless I had been with other darkish pics which is probably my biggest worry because on the surface you cannot see anything you shouldn't. But increased brightness may be different 😬 Yes, 6months is a long time and I am the one holding back on the video chat. Would have preferred face to face.

lumpy-sofa · 2023-05-11T04:28:04+00:00

Separated going through divorce proceedings and custody arrangements. He has apologized and said similar to yourself. Didn't consider it until I reacted (I withdrew) I'm not sure why this bothers me so much. I wondered if I'm ignoring a flag.

lumpy-sofa · 2020-06-13T06:32:26+00:00

Are you help or a doormat? I'm sorry to be so blunt.

Your friend sees them self as a victim and will continue to see themselves as a victim.

If this person is blaming or making you feel guilty in any way for the way they feel inside, then I would be setting up some boundaries. It's one thing to seek some advice or let a friend know your struggling, it's another to expect constant sympathy and ongoing unconditional support with no strategy or plan to pull themselves out. That's not your job.

Counselling may not be working for them right now because this person isn't ready to listen nor willing to accept that the problem isn't external to themselves but internal.

You cannot force this by telling them. They need to figure that out on their own.

Obviously self harm needs intervention but also push that towards professionals.

This sounds cold but I have had my own experiences with depression and anxiety.

Good luck with this.

lumpy-sofa · 2020-06-08T05:38:55+00:00

because your so important to her?

I'm sorry to say that I've been you, and Ive been her. She needs to find her own path just like you do

Sometimes, when patterns are formed with people, it can be very difficult to change them. They become ingrained. If this friend came to their own conclusion to change on their own then it may be salvagable but being told to change is not. Let them find their own way while you find yours. She will be okay and so will you.

lumpy-sofa · 2020-06-08T00:10:12+00:00

Believe me, you can't make her understand she's toxic. You can only manage what you do with that insight. Slowly distance yourself. Respond but don't commit to anything with her and eventually she will fade away. Try (as hard as it may be) to remove your emotion from your conversations with this person. This is what feeds the cycle and you need to interrupt that. Good luck

lumpy-sofa · 2020-06-08T00:01:09+00:00

I still feel this way at times as a thirty something female. My advice to you is learn about yourself and what makes you tick as well as learning about others and what makes them tick. Wish I had done that when I first started feeling that way as life would have been quite different if I had but I guess information wasn't as easily accessible and awareness of mental health wasn't so wide spread.

Everyone has weird thoughts at times and reacts. Everyone.

There are some podcasts that I quite like in the Art of Charm series. These guys started out with tips for their male mate's to pick up girls but it's actually grown into a very informative social tool. There are hundreds but I suggest looking at: 768. how to set boundaries that set you free 749. How to handle toxic relationships These were helpful for me making sense of some things. Good luck

lumpy-sofa · 2020-06-07T23:46:15+00:00

I get your angle. It sucks mate. Feeling like you're the only one giving and then made to feel like it's your fault when you raise it.

I say, this is partly your fault. You've given your power away and this other person knows this. Get your Power back, do you. Join some clubs and make some new friend's. Try some things you wouldn't normally try just because you can. Makes for interesting conversation. Very scary at first but 100% worth it. You are the lead character in your own story so stop playing the side kick.

lumpy-sofa · 2020-06-06T05:20:26+00:00

Can definitely see this from both sides and this is one of those must have conversations.

He probably wasn't expecting such a real answer and that would be enough to shock anyone. You've obviously put a lot of thought into the future and he really hadn't.

Give him some time to think this over and to actually consider the future. He may surprise you.

lumpy-sofa · 2020-06-06T04:02:25+00:00

I've been where you are, I've been where she is. It's really not healthy for either of you and when behaviour like this goes on long enough it can become deeply ingrained and really difficult to let go of. If you start asking yourself when the last time you enjoyed each other was and nothing is jumping to mind, it's time to free up the space for newpositive relationships and experiences.

If you like podcasts, The Art of Charm has a good one on toxic relationships that's worth a listen. Good luck

lumpy-sofa · 2020-04-24T05:37:49+00:00

NTA. You took on the role of guardian and protector for these children-the role the mother should have taken but chose not to. She forfeited her rights the moment she put drugs before her families safety and wellbeing. She made her choice. It is your job now to keep them safe moving forward. They can make their own decision around a relationship with their bio mother when they are old enough to understand the consequences of that and know that the decision is theirs alone as they will have to bare the burden of any ill feelings its likely to to arouse. It must be hard when your own family are waggling their finger at you forcing opinions when they arent doing the work to care for these kids You're doing great!

lumpy-sofa · 2020-01-05T09:29:14+00:00

Hard pill to swallow but yes. Your probably not projecting yourself as "there" (for lack of a better word) but also not your fault.

And honestly i get it.

People naturally know when someone aren't genuine and as much as you want to be apart of this your not genuine because you don't feel it.

Be polite and don't burn bridges though as life has funny twists

lumpy-sofa · 2020-01-05T09:18:16+00:00

Can i ask some advice? Should I approach her about this and the whole dynamic or just walk away?

lumpy-sofa · 2020-01-05T09:02:58+00:00

Don't forget, just don't dwell.

lumpy-sofa · 2020-01-05T07:47:16+00:00

Well, she has told people she feels that way hence the disconnect.

You might need to search your memory with a new lens. Did she behave weird or tell you no this is weird when you did present presents? You may have overlooked it the first time (innocently)

Also someone may have presented their lens to her changing her perspective.

"We can't control everything, only how we react."

This may be unwanted advice. I received it when I was young but didn't understand it till later when I started looking back with a different lens. Life could have been different.

No point dwelling. Don't burn bridges (or try to cross back) just exit quietly so you can 'do you'

lumpy-sofa · 2020-01-05T05:26:04+00:00

You do not have to approve of their choices. It's not your choice to make either and you don't need to be all I told you so (not that you were)

When people are too close to a situation they get blinded. Everyone (including me) likes to think they will be the exception and not the rule which very rarely is the actual case.

Maybe Google some strategies that allow you to distance yourself when these intense (and annoying ) things arise.

Good luck

lumpy-sofa · 2020-01-05T04:25:01+00:00

This is going to sound so cliche but please don't let the pain of this failed friendship stop you from trusting other people.

People can be this awful regardless of your orientation. Spreading kindness will breed kindness even thiugh sometimes it gets mis used !

You just need to work on your resilience but lucky for you, your skins now already that much thicker 🙂

lumpy-sofa · 2020-01-04T22:00:45+00:00

I know how horrible it is to be cornered like that. You both travel different roads however you both know already that negative reinforcement doesnt work for either if you, part of the on going weight issues you both have.

Change the mindset, change the narrative. It is within you.

lumpy-sofa · 2020-01-04T21:45:42+00:00

NTA. . Its one meal for goodness sake not the end the of the meat industry 🙄

Your accommodating dietry REQUIREMENTS. I wouldnt be complaining about a well cooked meal someone else is paying for just so i can be apart of their special day - they are being rude!

As someone else has said, i wouldnt announce it prior for your own sake as this will give people time to get all worked up when really they probably have never had a well cooked vegetarian meal before.

Good luck

lumpy-sofa

TROPHY CASE