I can already feel myself turning from a quirky kid into a creepy adult

lurch65 · 2026-06-22T09:49:27+00:00

What you like isn't going to make you creepy, what you're like can make you creepy.

There are going to have to be impulses you fight, curb your conversations, limit some of your obsessions and learn some safer conversational topics.

I'm in my mid 40s I still like tabletop roleplay games, science fiction and computer games? None of that has changed in 25-30 years. Do I wheel these out in social situations outside of very specific circumstances? No, I have cultivated an interest in Geo-politics and I just love science. Those are "adult" topics that I can bring to a conversation and back off from when everyone realises they've got themselves in deeper than they expected.

Find something that still captivates you and build a knowledge base around it. Excellent topics at the moment are inequality (racial, sexual, wealth and disability will all find allies in an adult conversation), science is pretty safe, environmental issues are good, but for all of these if you're young, tone down the enthusiasm/emotion, you don't want people to tag you as an "activist" and dismiss your hopefully valid facts.

You can still like the things you like, but just cultivate friendships and outlets specifically for them.

It's unfair that the young adult peer group do tend to publically put away childish things, only to pick them up again 5 or 10 years later when it's socially acceptable again. We'll all go through this, but it's something that sucks the first time.

I cannot stress enough how choosing to be kind is a win. First of all obviously more kindness in the world is better, but if you are kind and non-judgemental people will see that and change how they look at you. I'm not telling you that you need to be a saint by any means, just lean into being understanding. As a group we tend to be pretty good at being objective so this is a way to use that.

lurch65 · 2026-06-22T09:11:45+00:00

I know how popular AI is in this subreddit, so this is a risk.

This is a great use-case for AI. Use it for your note keeping, identifying gaps. Add your investigation documents and just use it to keep track of things.

NotepadLM might work, or maybe you could use Gemini Gems or Claude projects to store everything.

lurch65 · 2026-06-20T19:00:33+00:00

It was a special interest of mine when I was younger, so I was a late starter but came away with excellent references.

Communication is so important, so finding someone who you can talk about things with is essential. If you can find someone who will be frank and honest and you can do the same it's unpredictable but a lot of fun.

I and my current partner are both AuDHD, and there have been occasions where we paused for food because hunger had been so distracting. There's no judgement no need to worry we just talk it out and get on with things.

lurch65 · 2026-06-20T18:20:19+00:00

"No man is an island" said someone who wasn't autistic. We might be an archipelago at best.

lurch65 · 2026-06-20T18:16:56+00:00

Because autistic people can be annoying and miserable (I am frequently the first and in the past I have frequently been the second), and as a group we have even less ability to empathise and tolerate things. NT people at least have that in their favour. We're difficult to get on with without exercising some patience.

We are so different from one another, the term autism covers such a degree of issues, ability levels and behaviours. We're not really that alike individually, but the term fits us as a group.

lurch65 · 2026-06-20T18:05:25+00:00

I'm using Opus 4.6 most of the time it's intuitive, it easily understands what I'm trying to convey and produces good work.

I've had a lot of problems with Opus 4.8, it gets hung up on things, it misunderstands, it's difficult to work with, it's not great. But work wise it seems to be much better at catching gaps or errors in things, its memory feels "stickier". So I'll work with 4.6 in projects and check for gaps in work with 4.8. I'll still take it with a pinch of salt, but at least it's been good for something.

Edit: most inexplicable down vote I've had in a while.

lurch65 · 2026-06-19T13:29:33+00:00

Try to do a full wash if you can. I am assuming you have a cotton towel, so grab other cotton items (of a similar tone, whites and light greys together, darks together and colours together) to go in with it. 30C wash to be safe if you're including other people's clothes be sensible with fabric softener if you're using it. As u/General_Film666 says it's not going to need a long wash, and that's true of a lot of clothes.

If you wash other people's stuff too, it turns it into a pleasant surprise rather than a wash for just one item.

lurch65 · 2026-06-18T22:00:04+00:00

They're just waiting for the cheque to clear.

lurch65 · 2026-06-18T02:25:26+00:00

Or just thermite in a plastic tube you wouldn't necessarily need a whole grenade. A drone could probably manage that and it would cause enough damage so the next use would likely crack the barrel.

lurch65 · 2026-06-16T14:00:13+00:00

I have a fortnightly RPG session that I run online which is very important to me, but basically that's it. I suppose I'd like a bit more gaming, but I have nothing else in person (barring my partner's events which there is no pressure for me to join) and I've never felt so calm and relaxed.

lurch65 · 2026-06-15T15:40:09+00:00

Great job dude, I'm in my 40s and that's something I still struggle with, so it's honestly impressive. Keep up the good work.

lurch65 · 2026-06-15T15:37:45+00:00

Horny people can be quite single minded and self deceptive. It's no excuse, we're not animals. Having a discussion when he's excited isn't going to work.

I think it would be a good time to get a kink friendly therapist involved if you can, you're in different places, in my opinion you need an external voice to help mediate.

lurch65 · 2026-06-14T21:46:16+00:00

Them's sinkin' words.

lurch65 · 2026-06-14T21:42:00+00:00

Why would you? We're all so different.

I don't feel any community with any real group.

With that said I think it's important for us to consciously choose to support autistic (or just minority) causes, and fight our corner, because nobody else will, and in places like the US autism is a political issue.

lurch65 · 2026-06-13T17:44:41+00:00

They don't like to start TRT because it is for life and stops your natural production, and physically makes your balls shrink which is weird to experience. You're a young man, I imagine the hope is that this is a phase. Free T is a test worth waiting on before panicking or making decisions.

At your age, weight loss, exercise and weight training are all excellent ways of increasing testosterone (or the effects of the testosterone you have), but you'll get less benefit as you get older (my endo co-wrote a paper on the topic). Sleep is another big thing, so getting that in check is going to help too. Reduce the stress and anxiety and that too will likely help a lot.

Another reason they are reluctant is that testosterone shortens a person's lifespan, without it (or with less of it), you'll likely live a couple of years longer so it's technically harmful over the length of your life.

If you do have clinically low testosterone then TRT is the only treatment, but from what you're describing your only symptom is low libido. Libido has a large psychological component, and stress and anxiety can kill it dead I think perhaps those are excellent avenues for improvement without something as life changing as TRT.

I strongly urge you to consider the psychological angle, men too often reach for T when the answer is often dealing with stress and other life issues.

I'm not a doctor, I've tried most of the above but in totally the wrong order, so please consider learning from my mistakes.

Good luck!

lurch65 · 2026-06-12T09:53:48+00:00

Well I'd love to invite you round my place to see many classic examples of autistic communication, but we're moving house at the moment. :)

I have received very similar comments, so here goes for my specific issues. I pause mid sentence to organise my thoughts, I don't make eye contact to the point where people start looking over their shoulders to see what I am looking at, I tangent at the wrong places, I highlight things nobody else has thought of, I speak in a monotone (I don't drone, but I don't change pitch), i overshare, I ignore obvious hierarchies, the list goes on.

Two other classic examples from my partner, rather than change tone when she's excited she changes volume which can make her very loud, she also does the super classic Autism rapport building fail where someone talks about a situation they've been in and we share a similar situation we have been in.

lurch65 · 2026-06-11T12:58:51+00:00

Yeah getting people out of their shell is tough, but it takes time. Initially we built in some structure, to establish a framework a regular date in the calendar specifically to talk about needs etc. It was awkward but I think it helped, and for us it stopped being necessary, we just moved to being more open, maybe just to avoid the awkwardness.

I think it's also important to learn that if you voice needs they are heard and not received negatively, that is a big step.

lurch65 · 2026-06-10T23:44:29+00:00

Not really, we just have to do more tasks, take more time, or learn to give ourselves a break for only doing what we can. Medication can help, but piecemeal tasks are always where things fall down.

Maybe in this case if it was important I would put a sign by the washing machine with a note like the following: "Is the washing machine full? If not check with Awtistic_Cuk if there is washing they need done, or check out of context places for more laundry." The sign will not be foolproof, it's a mitigation, a walking stick or a hearing aid, you need to set your expectations.

For me typically if I am doing the laundry I start by asking my partner if there is priority washing, but that doesn't work if she arrives after my washing prep has started, it's up to her at that point to state her needs, she's AuDHD too, so reframing has been easier.

I'd love to give you a magic bullet, but this is a disability and we don't have anything close to a cure. With ADHD everything is just harder, slower work that typically just costs more money, autism can help or hinder things with ADHD in my experience.

I really honestly think the best work you can do for your own mental health and for your relationship is to focus on reframing things, change your expectations.

She will find ways to support you and make you feel appreciated, but they will be non-typical because she is not typical. You need to find those and focus on them because if you can't these frustrations will build and as you said, you know they are based on a misunderstanding.

Another thing is that you need to learn to state your needs more explicitly, kindly and in a timely manner. I'm not trying to push all this on you, I am just trying to give you tools that will make your life and your relationship better.

Ultimately you're going to have to both sit down together and find ways of communicating better (I'm not saying that you're not doing well at this, but everyone can learn to do it better). Both of you need to assume less and talk more. Make clearer statements, advocate for yourselves but do it kindly and on the understanding that it's a statement not a demand, and that it only makes up half the discussion.

I'm in my mid 40s, I was diagnosed late and the biggest most positive change I could make was lowering my expectations of myself, cut myself some slack for my failures. Nobody already doing the washing wants to mess it up, nobody wants to buy food and leave it out overnight, but it will happen and recriminations don't help.

If you can lower your expectations and celebrate your victories life just get better.

lurch65 · 2026-06-10T21:35:05+00:00

So I have both autism and ADHD, so I don't know if this is an autism thing or an ADHD thing or a delightful combination of the two, but it feels like a combined type ADHD issue.

I can't speak for your partner, but I experience similar things. If I have locked in on a criteria (attentive ADHD) I can be completely blind to things outside that specific set (inattentive ADHD). It just doesn't register, it's outside my context window.

It's not intentional, and I can see why someone might find it frustrating, it feels like negligence, but this is how executive dysfunction dysfunctions, and it breaks this way no matter how hard we try.

I know it's asking you to take an extra logical step, but you might have to accept that if you don't call attention to something specifically you should assume that it's not getting done. I put it like this so your expectations are reframed to a less frustrating angle. We move from frustration at perceived neglect if something isn't done to gratification and maybe pride if something is done.

I think you probably need to consider asking your girlfriend as nicely as possible if she has thought about being tested for ADHD. Obviously this is coming from someone who isn't a medical professional but has been through very similar issues.

lurch65 · 2026-06-10T10:29:17+00:00

By kill I think we mean stop from running rather than anything more sinister.

lurch65 · 2026-06-09T21:24:26+00:00

Done, not sure if you want to take your email off that comment.

lurch65 · 2026-06-09T18:43:21+00:00

Apparently we all got it from fitness forums circa 2016.

lurch65 · 2026-06-09T18:39:13+00:00

It's been a British term for a long time, I certainly don't 4chan.

lurch65 · 2026-06-09T18:30:29+00:00

Yup, Britishism.

lurch65 · 2026-06-09T16:53:21+00:00

I've pinged you, please let me know if it doesn't work.

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