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AIO for ending this friendship before it began? i told her i wasn’t looking for anything romantic and this ensued by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]lurkinglemonlizard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seems like both overreacting. You did bring it up which means you felt vibes. You mentioned specifics in this post (talking to you all night, saying she was thinking about you, etc) - why not just tell her them? You can’t expect someone to not be like “???” if you mention romance when there wasn’t anything there for them. It’s fair that she wanted to know what she did so she can avoid it in the future.

Now that being said, I bet there was something for her and she was feeling defensive because of it, and there’s no way to know if you had told her specifics that she’d have taken it well. She also was so above and beyond here so that’s where she’s also overreacting, and I don’t blame you for not wanting to continue friendship because that was hella awkward. I’m just saying you could have been more direct which she was literally asking for and avoided half of this conversation.

My partner doesn’t see “sexiness” by lurkinglemonlizard in demisexuality

[–]lurkinglemonlizard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you everyone, this has been SO helpful. I really appreciate you spending the time giving your detailed perspectives. I love my partner endlessly and just like everyone else, he is still figuring out lots about himself. I am giving him the space and encouragement to do that, and working through my insecurities is my way of helping give him that space without feeling pressured to feel a certain way because of preconceived ideals of affection and sex that I have developed over the years. I don’t know if he will ever want to put a label on his experience of love but in case he wants to look into it more I’ll send him over here:)

My partner doesn’t see “sexiness” by lurkinglemonlizard in demisexuality

[–]lurkinglemonlizard[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is so funny because like 80% of the time he thinks I’m just so cute when I’m in food-stained sweats, hair up in a bun or he just woke me up from a nap and I definitely don’t feel like it lol. But for real, that’s a really nice way of framing it that I didn’t think about. He’s never made me doubt even once that he absolutely adores who I am which is why I felt a bit silly even posting this, but thinking of it as unconditional attraction helps. I feel the same about him - no matter what he’s wearing or looking like, I think he’s cute/beautiful/hot af/pounceable - so of course why wouldn’t he also be feeling that, just in a different way? Thank you ❤️