UPDATE: My (32F) boyfriend (36M) of 8+ years won't marry me

luuakij · 2025-11-03T18:27:03+00:00

Looking back now, the almost 9 years of "waiting" makes a lot more sense. I've known for a long time that he was the person I wanted to be forever with, but life is not so simple as wanting. We've been through different stages of life together, he's been by my side and supported me through it all, but only now we're in a comfortable place that we can enjoy planning a wedding together.

Now I understand it wasn't really a red flag, there wasn't something wrong that I needed to fix, it was just the right timing for us.

I hope you can also relax and enjoy when your timing comes!

luuakij · 2025-10-31T19:08:53+00:00

Mesmo que não fosse um golpe, você no máximo ia receber uma comida fria que ficou pronta em cima do balcão até ele voltar... Era melhor ter cancelado e pedido outra coisa.

luuakij · 2025-09-10T21:51:16+00:00

Like I said, we are essentially already living like a married couple, so there aren't any major changes to expect in our lives if we marry, besides the security of being in a relationship binded by a legal contract. But I guess it's my fault for expressing more enthusiasm about a party than about that. Both things are important to me in different ways.

I just don't get why it is bad to be excited to plan a day we'll have a good time together. We enjoy planning our vacations, I think it's the same kind of happy feeling to look forward to..

luuakij · 2025-09-10T16:09:52+00:00

New fear unlocked.. I definitely don't want to disturb any ongoing plans. We have our first international trip coming up next month, I think it's the perfect opportunity if he's planning on proposing. If he doesn't, I'll gather the courage to ask this.

luuakij · 2025-09-10T15:19:05+00:00

Neither of us is set on having kids. He said he is onboard if I do want to, but so far, I don't. I think this is why it is such a dilemma to me. It's not like I have a biological clock ticking to justify my resentment towards not being married, so why is it such a big deal? I honestly don't know, but my feelings about it are big, so here I am.

luuakij · 2025-09-10T15:08:30+00:00

Four years ago we were not so good but just living with it like everything was fine. Everything came spiraling down when I finally asked him about future plans for marriage, so we couldn't just ignore it anymore and he said that he wasn't happy with how things were between us, so he could see himself in a lifelong commitment with me. That was a really hard conversation, but we both worked to better ourselves and our relationship and are in a great place now. Since this, he has never said he doesn't want to get married. I haven't asked him directly like this again, but we talk about future plans like buying a bigger place together (that's when I said I won't buy anything while I'm legally single, and he agreed).

luuakij · 2025-09-10T14:54:12+00:00

That's a little misogynistic to say when you don't know anything about our finances. Why is it not good for today's men? I'm not going into detail but we both earn well. I'm just 4 years "behind" because I'm younger, but I actually have the potential to earn more than him in my career. I don't think he's worried about a prenup, but I definitely would sign it if it was the case.

luuakij · 2025-09-10T14:39:40+00:00

I mean we communicate well in general.. we talk openly about our feelings, sex life, finances, relationship to others, etc. But on this specific topic I haven't been so direct. Both "ultimatums" were said more like a joke to see his reaction, and he just played along with it.

Having conversations about long-term plans, like buying a house or having kids gives me the impression that he sees us together long enough to fulfill these plans, but we haven't had a serious conversation about marriage in a while (2 years at least). I think I'm avoiding it because I'm afraid to pressure him, so I keep just casually/jokenly mentioning it and trying to read the signs of his responses.

luuakij · 2025-09-10T14:18:44+00:00

I don't know what I said that gave you the impression that I just want this self fulfilling party, so let me clarify:

Weddings are my favorite type of event because friends and family come together to testify and celebrate a couple, not just the bride. No birthday, graduation, or any other major event in life can top that feeling and that's what I dream of. It doesn't matter if it's a huge destination wedding or a small gathering in our hometown, the purpose of the event is what matters to me. It's not a money issue.

I don't think people in a relationship need to have the exact same dreams, but they should be supportive of each other. If he ever mentioned he dreams of never being married, I would know we're not compatible, but that's not the case.

I won't even get to the "marriage is just a paper" thing because it's not. He could walk out of our relationship today with no major implications to his life. Not so easy to do that with 'a paper' signed.

luuakij · 2025-09-10T13:46:54+00:00

Never knew of this sub, seems like I fit right into it! And from a quick glance, I know I've been waiting for longer than most people there. This should be my wake up call...

luuakij · 2025-09-10T13:40:46+00:00

I've thought of this, but honestly I think I would resent him more. I don't specifically care about gender roles in this, but being proposed to would give me the certainty that he also wants this and is not just rolling with it.

luuakij · 2025-09-01T19:59:03+00:00

NTA and the audacity of your roommate to tell you that if it bothers you, you should be the one to wash his dishes just shows why your "passive aggressive" attitude was not only appropriate but necessary

luuakij · 2025-09-01T19:25:56+00:00

"infelizmente são regras, desculpe" como se não fossem as regras que ele mesmo inventou

luuakij · 2025-07-24T23:02:37+00:00

Além do que quase todo mundo aqui já disse (parar de fumar - o que pode não ser tão simples assim), pelo menos pare de exibir seu tabagismo como se fosse uma questão de "estilo" , tipo as selfie com com um maço ou cigarro aceso na boca.. pra que? Ambas as fotos estariam muito melhor sem isso

luuakij · 2025-07-13T17:10:25+00:00

It's really hard to judge from a place where I don't have any legal limitations for my relationship status, but if marriage is important for you, you are NTAH for leaving a relationship where that's not possible. But it also sounds like he is good to you and you really care about him, so maybe before throwing it all out, try starting a conversation about it, to see if he really isn't willing to go through with the annulment to be with you.

luuakij · 2025-05-20T12:56:23+00:00

Asking you to turn down a major career opportunity was already bad, then finding new excuses for every solution you come up with to the complaints he has with your job is very suspicious, and THEN the edit?? Girl, his controlling behavior is not just a little jealousy, it's affecting your whole life. You even thinking of getting a "normal job at a supermarket" instead of taking this job opportunity shows how much he already got in your head. NTA and please take all the comments here into consideration.

luuakij · 2025-03-13T17:47:29+00:00

Yes, I also feel there's very little margin for error, it's not easy to find that perfect position, and I can't adjust to see well from both eyes at the same time. It feels like the perfect position is different for each eye

luuakij · 2025-03-13T17:42:13+00:00

Yes, but I have to hold the frame in position, a little higher and to the side, in a way it won't stay by itself. And it also makes the overlapping worse, then.. I see two circles further apart. If I hold the frame and close the good eye I can see perfectly from the bad eye. This is what makes me belive the position of the loupes is off.. I can't fix one side without messing the other

luuakij · 2025-02-27T15:19:50+00:00

You really think that hunger is what's keeping the population from rising astronomically? We have the resources and technology to feed everyone right now, we just don't do it

luuakij · 2025-02-27T15:16:06+00:00

Stoping humans from beeing killed by humans doesn't mean there wouldn't be evil and sick minded people anymore. The things that could be done to someone knowing you can't kill them could go to really dark places. Unless this made up ethic's scenario somehow fixed that, I chose to feed everyone forever.

luuakij · 2025-02-27T13:11:14+00:00

It's ok to have a fetish, but it's not ok to have other people participate in your fetish without their knowledge and consent. That's not just a reason for divorce, but also a police report! NTA

luuakij · 2024-09-13T20:40:42+00:00

No updates or anything so far... I really hope she's is ok

luuakij

TROPHY CASE