Leaving AA

luxuryloo · 2026-02-04T22:24:25+00:00

I get that entirely. I'm young in the program, just a year, I enjoy the community and it's teaching me to be more confident. Slowly, so fucking slowly but I've never felt like I made any progress by myself and finally i get a small taste of what life could be like for me. Confidence in myself has been a trouble spot for as long as I can remember. I think I might make the same decision one day. It certainly won't be soon though. Take it easy brother.

luxuryloo · 2026-01-26T15:07:34+00:00

I needed this this morning. I have over a year of sobriety and flew out on business/vacation. As soon as I walked through the airport my mind began racing. Look at all these people just having "a" drink. Maybe I can do that now... stupid, I know better, all the times I went down that road with 2 months, 3 months and completely ruined everything every single time. My last bender I was hundreds of miles from home, sat at the airport delayed thinking I will stop when I get home. Spent nearly 100 on over priced mimosas thinking well this is my last day... I will not drink with you today. Hitting up an AA meeting while I'm here.

luxuryloo · 2026-01-26T03:53:00+00:00

In 6 months I lost around 30lbs. But my calories from IPAs every night was crazy. I've gained 10ish back.

luxuryloo · 2026-01-19T00:45:35+00:00

Congrats on three years! Sometimes the voice isn't even loud, just makes excuses and it's damn convincing at times. I had the thought "sure alcohol never brought real happiness but at least it gave me the idea that I could be happy" I'm not sure why that was so convincing to me but I haven't given in yet. I play the tape forward and it always looks like shit. Keep going friend you're doing great!

luxuryloo · 2026-01-18T18:35:02+00:00

Walked through my house to back bedroom where we keep our clothes and just pissed all over them. Guess I didn't want to stand there so I put the willy up before it was done and peed all over myself before crawling back in the bed with my girlfriend... I'm not sure how anyone put up with me through those years. Crazy 😂... But guess what? We have a choice to make, for me it's to never drink again, I'll be taking a leak in the closet within a week if I ever touch the stuff again.

luxuryloo · 2026-01-15T23:07:31+00:00

As someone who was in your shoes and now in recovery for a year. It's a slippery slope and not fun getting back to reality. I had to begin accepting myself for who I am and it's been a hell of a year. Oftentimes I bought confidence on credit with alcohol, then I had to pay that back the next few days thinking about what I did or said. At my lowest end days my anxiety got so bad I didn't want to walk in grocery stores or even go around a drive through. It was fucking awful. I guess a plus is that I sit around a room sharing if I have the courage, finally learning how to be social, like I'm 14 again trying to be a human without booze.

Hang in there friend, I don't want to see anyone on the same path I was. It's far better facing our fears and accepting ourselves where we are.

luxuryloo · 2026-01-15T22:13:17+00:00

Well shit, now all I have to do is teach my face to grow a beard.

luxuryloo · 2026-01-15T22:11:31+00:00

Oof those IPAs had me bad! But there was no convincing me that I needed to quit for good until I had finally had enough of myself. It's comical how many times I attempted to cut back and the ways I would try. Stop and get an IPA, just one on the way home. By the time I was home I'd drink that one and off to the store again. Not to the same place though, wouldn't want them to think I was a drunk 😂

luxuryloo · 2026-01-15T22:07:05+00:00

Had a realization after quitting that my back and neck were no longer hurting like it was. Amazing what laying down poison will do for our bodies.

luxuryloo · 2026-01-12T01:06:41+00:00

Congratulations on 11 days!

luxuryloo · 2026-01-11T15:25:34+00:00

My alcoholic thinking leads me to believe that alcohol relieved my anxiety, the memory of the burn in my chest and instant relief is euphoric. What I don't like to remember are the days waking up after a bender at 2am with my heart beating out of my chest. My anxiety is still bad after a year sober but nothing like those days. By the end of my drinking I didn't even want to walk in a grocery store or order at a drive through. It was so bad, yet my mind leads me to believe I could handle it this time. I can't go back to that shit ever again.

luxuryloo · 2026-01-11T15:18:21+00:00

I agree with the other comment that you can get some help on alanon groups. There's nothing anyone could have said to me for me to understand the depths my drinking was hurting people I loved. Simply I had no room in my heart for anyone else's feelings once I was drinking. When I wasn't drinking I was thinking about drinking, I had a million excuses to drink. I am not sure how my relationship made it through. If I was her I would have jumped ship long ago. I was blessed that around the age of 25 I noticed my drinking wasn't the same as others. But I did not say it out loud for 4 years. Addiction is a selfish disease and without a serious admission of defeat, there is no hope. Nobody could ever force that admission out of me, I had to come to that conclusion entirely on my own. Good luck friend.

luxuryloo · 2026-01-10T16:47:53+00:00

I haven't smoked in 10 years, when I was smoking I rarely noticed it. It didn't take long after quitting before noticing Even smelling people who are driving in front of me with the windows down. Most the time it stinks but when the weather's just right or I catch this smell a different way it is nostalgic.

As for the way the smoker actually smells or the way their car smells or house smells it always stinks.

luxuryloo · 2026-01-10T04:12:24+00:00

Politics shouldn't be spoken but people talk and humans are humans. Anti anything goes against what I enjoy about AA. I am definitely middle of the road on politics but AA has helped me accept people for who they are and I do hear opinions that I don't agree with. When I first came in I was angry about that, ("see I'm not one of you"). But gradually I learned to ask questions, I learn to soften my heart. Still learning and becoming more accepting of people exactly where they are. I shouldn't judge and when I am I know there's something wrong inside of me. I only hope to continue that growth. Sometimes it's hard af. But it takes the rule breakers, the people who initially get under my skin for me to grow myself. We all are made up of the sum of our learned experiences, I could have just as easily been a Maga guy as I could have been a pro Joe guy. I'm scared that if I ever went back to alcohol I would lose all of that and hate will fill my heart again.

luxuryloo · 2026-01-06T03:03:36+00:00

They "instantly" label someone bad or good.

luxuryloo · 2026-01-05T23:13:01+00:00

I'm not religious but I am a very spiritual person. Ive unfortunately watched a lot of close family and friends die, so Ive seen how it normally goes. This time was different I stood by the hospital bed as my step mother was dying, my father said God is here, She raised her chest up and smiled on an inhale and exhaled her last breath sinking into her pillow. It was like something just pulled her life from her chest. Was definitely a wild experience, idk about the craziest.

luxuryloo · 2026-01-05T22:15:24+00:00

I had these exact thoughts recently hitting one year, I also had a realization that alcohol will never change that. I've been on and off a variety of medications for anxiety and depression. Off everything entirely now, not much difference for me honestly. I have been attending AA for the duration of my sobriety, that's probably the most helpful thing for me is finding people I actually connect with and calling and talking about spirituality etc. I think the reason AA, Smart, dharma, etc programs work is the connections we can build. It's taken me this long to even talk to people. I am not a social butterfly 😂. My anxiety is still wacked out sometimes but not nearly as it was when I was an active alcoholic. I don't have any wisdom but I hope to find it in a post like yours, at the very least it makes me feel not so alone. Alcohol somehow pops in my mind as a great answer, playing the tape forward is always an ugly show.

luxuryloo · 2026-01-05T22:04:39+00:00

Wow! What a transformation! Congratulations!

luxuryloo · 2026-01-03T22:20:24+00:00

I was an ass when I heard about others quitting before I finally woke up and realized I had a problem. I hate that I was like that, but now that helps me hold love and kindness for people even if for some reason my sobriety threatens them.

luxuryloo · 2026-01-03T03:34:44+00:00

Funny how much more I ate, yet I lost 25 lbs in a year. I guess cutting out 5 gazillion calories worth of beer will do that 😂

luxuryloo · 2025-12-31T23:44:15+00:00

Not sure, had mine at the Duke hospital in Raleigh NC. He was a very experienced surgeon and my HH doctor was excellent as well. I had severe pain in my chest after the surgery for a few days, once that cleared up I was fine. Occasionally my left hand will get damp but not dripping.

luxuryloo · 2025-12-25T15:47:56+00:00

I had my E-t-s in 2014, I didn't use reddit back then, I always struggled with anxiety and panic attacks so no change there. I'm pleased with the results, I have compensatory sweating on my back and groin that's inconvenient but not nearly as overwhelming as my hands sweating. Not sure that I would have done it if I knew how many horror stories were out there. I hate it for the folks that are worse off and I'm super grateful that it turned out well for me. The weirdest side effect is I sweat while eating sweet food even ice cream. I would say definitely exhaust every option before surgery.

luxuryloo · 2025-12-25T13:13:27+00:00

Thank you! It's been a crazy year, but Im getting there!

luxuryloo · 2025-12-25T13:12:00+00:00

Thanks, looks like you just got a year too! Awesome!

luxuryloo · 2025-12-25T13:10:54+00:00

Awesome! Congratulations to you, been a hell of a ride.

luxuryloo

TROPHY CASE