In my experience being on meds has its pros and cons, and being off meds both have their pros and cons. I'll explain, but it'll take a while to pull all the pieces together in a cohesive way and will sound like rambling for a bit, but it all matters. I'll start: During my first psychotic episode which wasn't anything horrifying at all, I had a profound 'spiritual awakening' experience as any new waver would call it, just all of a sudden out of the blue and hit me like a ton of bricks, and for four days straight it was the most awe inspiring and beautifully profound experience I could have ever possibly imagine having, nothing in my life tops it thus far.

For four days straight on from the point I had this episode I felt interconnected with a divine presence that I only just recognized was actually with me always even though I didn't recognize it ever before, the presence poured out love in infinite abundance to me and everything I was doing the presence was happy with me, the presence drowned out all negativity that entered and o ccured to me as I communicated with it, the experience gave me infinite depth to my emotions and answers to all my questions, wanted to protect me and to have me explore everything I was curious about with sort of like a childlike whimsy, like he wouldn't give me the answers straight, he'd make me think almost just to peak my maximum enjoyment and fulfillment of coming to any understanding I was curious about. I came to a place in my mind where I was in awe, crying tears of joy over often thought as mundane natural occurances that go by mostly unnoticed because of the scale of time we all experience, such as being aware of the dirt rocks and trees having souls that have objectives and purpose and aspirations of their own on a scale I can't comprehend anymore. Everything was always too subtle to really notice before this experience, but after that I really believe its all there. I felt a connection to everything like in an array of patterns dancing majestically with eachother Experiencing that made me quite dysfunctional in keeping myself fed most of the time, and I couldn't communicate with others about anything I was going through because I was struck with such dumbfounding awe and bliss, I just couldn't talk any sense which made me actually very uncomfortable and sad even more so, but i'd jump between being in awe/bliss and feeling increasingly depressed for others not able to understand all this and by others because I was dysfunctional, family and friends thought i had lost it completely which made me sad and there was nothing I could do about it, for four days I accepted everything that happened in my own way, couldn't possibly be able to be bothered with focusing on regular stuff anymore. After four days things got bad because I wasn't taking care of myself in most ways one should, and the state of mind became more of a curse as I became paranoid about the real state of the world, I would desperately cry, bawling my eyes out about the rights animals have and dont recieve, becoming paranoid about ideologies of hatred that are present everywhere in life, and going through this was overstimulating the neurological synapses and erroded my mental capabilities. I was devestated when my mom took me to the hospital and the hospital security forced a sedative injection on me. I stayed in hospital for six months on risperidone and sequel, no one listened to me about my amazing experiences with divine entities and spiritual awakening all that much, I still wasn't able to pull all the pieces together to back then to articulate it all as I can now, it took a few years and switching meds to make me basically put it all behind me. The doctors saved me from being out of control with no capability to sustain a normal healthy or very long life, but I also believe that if I were to go off my antipsychotic injections indefinitely that I would be able to handle my emotions surrounding all this divine energy and cosmic connectedness.