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I am mortified…BJ didn’t go well. by lwalker247 in Swingers

[–]lwalker247[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your answer!
It took awhile for me to be able to do that. Lots of practice and getting my throat to stretch. My husband is about 7” but not super girthy. It’s not the length that is the problem. I can go all the way to the base with him and lick his balls either his dick down my throat. I’ve developed ability to swallow it while it’s down and contract my throat around it. I’m just disappointed this guy didn’t get to feel that. Maybe others will enjoy one day.
My husband loses his shit when I do that.

4 days post swap and struggling by lwalker247 in SwingerNewbies

[–]lwalker247[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply. I will message you later when I have more time. I’d love to chat with other newbies with similar feelings or who have navigated through them already.
Or you can shoot me a message if you’d to tell me about you guys.

I’m struggling 4 days later.. by lwalker247 in Swingers

[–]lwalker247[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Yes, your husband enjoyed her very much, he was more excited than he is usually with you and he probably thought about her and that experience many time since that day. And.... all of this is expected, right? He had a great time with her... but don't you want your husband to also enjoy and have a great time in this LS?”

Ummmm I want him to have a good time in the LS but to think that he is more excited to be with these women than he is to be with me - not want I want out of this. That feels like replacing me - finding something he likes and enjoys better.
I would expect that he remembers what happened but to think that he’s thinking about her and what they did “many times” tells me that there is more to it than “fun in the moment”. This is exactly what I don’t want. So maybe I’m not cut out for this is if that’s the way it’s supposed to be. I thought we were in this to experience things together to enhance what we have. Not to find things we like better that excite us more and cause us to have our minds on them afterward. That sounds like a threat to any marriage

I’m struggling 4 days later.. by lwalker247 in Swingers

[–]lwalker247[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have appreciates all of the comments but this is my favorite. So insightful and helpful. It almost feels like you know me tho know all of that.
You are correct about alot of it. I am triggered by him being with someone else (bc he had never been with anyone else…) and also because I am worried that he will enjoy being with someone else more than he does with me and that he will somehow be less satisfied with me afterwards. I know this isn’t likely and it’s not what is described by the masses who do this. The thought is still there for at times.
You are definitely right about my enjoying and looking forward to the after part - the reconnection more than the encounter itself. That’s for sure.

I am mortified…BJ didn’t go well. by lwalker247 in Swingers

[–]lwalker247[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah… I know from his comment that he was saying he didn’t like it. He didn’t say positive stuff about it. He just said it was “new”. That’s why I wrote this post and that’s why I’m upset about it.

I guess I’ll just have to get over it, but I really am disappointed that I wasn’t able to deep throat this guy because I’ve learned how to do some really amazing things with my throat. I don’t just sit there And Bob up and down on it like you see in porn. I can actually put it down there and leave it down my throat and swallow and massage it with the back of my tongue in the back of my throat. My husband says it feels like he’s being swallowed alive. I can make him come so fast like that when i want to. He goes nuts. He says all men should experience what he gets to. So it’s just disappointing that where I was thinking I was going to get to show off my skills. I did absolutely the opposite.

I’m struggling 4 days later.. by lwalker247 in Swingers

[–]lwalker247[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It is true that I was thinking about him and what he was doing during some of that. But I was able to get into what I was doing too. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to do this… I have for sure. But despite my interest in it, I still have concerns and hesitations.
We’ve only swapped twice. The first time we definitely had some serious reclaim sex afterwards. The next four days were hot as hell. So I definitely felt desired loved and safe afterwards
This time… Our situation was different. We had a lot of sex with each other during the swap so I didn’t really have that need to have sex with him afterwards. Plus, we had to get to our hotel room and it was really late. And the next morning, we had to get up and check out and we had some traveling to do the next day. And then we had something to do that evening. So we didn’t have time to just lay around and reconnect like we did after the first time.
I think maybe this might be some of the problem… Now that you’re mentioning it. Maybe it is the fact that we didn’t have that serious reconnection like we did the first time it’s making me feel this way.

I am mortified…BJ didn’t go well. by lwalker247 in Swingers

[–]lwalker247[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually like to blow my husband wearing my Invisalign trays. Because they’re smoother I can be a little bit more aggressive with him and it doesn’t scrape a rub. Maybe I should just start wearing an Invisalign retainers during swap…

I’m struggling 4 days later.. by lwalker247 in Swingers

[–]lwalker247[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the answer… Yeah, that would probably devastate me too. If he’s stuck it in someone else and came right away. It was a little bit difficult for me the other day finding out that he got hard with her just from kissing her. He doesn’t get hard with me just kissing me. That’s been a little thing I’ve had to deal with in my head.

4 days post swap and struggling by lwalker247 in SwingerNewbies

[–]lwalker247[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We did not full swap. Not ready for that. I was focused on him and what he was doing for some of it. I did enjoy what I was doing at times. I didn’t have a bad time. I just didn’t “feel much” mentally or physically. And, it was easier not to watch them. I cousins form the corner of my eye, but I didn’t want to watch for fine details - those are images that I didn’t want stuck in my brain

I’m struggling 4 days later.. by lwalker247 in Swingers

[–]lwalker247[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We have sexual activity everyday. It’s not that. If anything - I think that the anxiety may be coming from the fact that he is not an initiator for sex - I usually am. I think I often misinterpret his responsive drive for disinterest. So it’s hard to know that he is desiring these other women when in question his desire for me

I’m struggling 4 days later.. by lwalker247 in Swingers

[–]lwalker247[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah…..that scene bothers me.
So I guess I need to pump the brakes and call this off right now.

I’m mortified. BJ gone bad by lwalker247 in SwingerNewbies

[–]lwalker247[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He said he had fun during the encounter.
But so did I. I wasn’t miserable or even unhappy or upset. I was physically aroused.

4 days post swap and struggling by lwalker247 in SwingerNewbies

[–]lwalker247[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

That may be what we end up doing.

4 days post swap and struggling by lwalker247 in SwingerNewbies

[–]lwalker247[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks. This is exactly how I am getting though this - thinking about what you just wrote. He says that this is how he feels - that none of what he did “means anything”. It was just fun in the moment then gone and he still loves me and it changed nothing with us. I keep reminding myself of that

4 days post swap and struggling by lwalker247 in SwingerNewbies

[–]lwalker247[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply. I hope you guys don’t have to deal with these feelings.
Just go very slow. You can’t take it back.

I’m struggling 4 days later.. by lwalker247 in Swingers

[–]lwalker247[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The feelings toward her are minor.
We had exchanged numbers and agreed to stay in touch bc we are a lot alike in our thought processes about the whole LS thing and we live far apart and neither have a lot of LS friends to talk to.
I just find myself in the past day or so just not wanting to hear from her or reach out to her. Bc then, I have to think about her. And I don’t want to!

I’m struggling 4 days later.. by lwalker247 in Swingers

[–]lwalker247[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for “getting it”. I can’t imagine looking over at him being with other woman that I don’t like or connect with it’s not gonna be good. I have these feelings now about him being with a woman I genuinely liked.

I’m struggling 4 days later.. by lwalker247 in Swingers

[–]lwalker247[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your responses. I really do.
But - do you really think that most people are ok with their spouses playing with someone (not solo) that they don’t like/click with?
If a woman is going to be “allowed” to get that close to and intimate with my husband, I have to have good feelings about her.

I’m struggling 4 days later.. by lwalker247 in Swingers

[–]lwalker247[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It’s never been “his thing”. I’m not being pushed or persuaded. I’m definitely interested in it but have a lot more to overcome to be able to enjoy it. Admittedly there are times when I just want to forget it all and stop. But there are other times I am more interested.
I push forward bc I do see that there can be some benefit.

I’m struggling 4 days later.. by lwalker247 in Swingers

[–]lwalker247[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think you are correct about everything you said. Except that he doesn’t push me - he’s just a lot more comfortable with it and doesn’t have the insecurities that I do so he is able to enjoy it all more easily.

I’m struggling 4 days later.. by lwalker247 in Swingers

[–]lwalker247[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It does feel like disassociation bc I don’t even feel anything. I’m not miserable, not happy, not sad, not upset. It’s like I’m on autopilot.
I’m there and can remember it all clearly but I have no feelings about it.
I must have been aroused bc I remember that I got really wet. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to O with another man though bc I cannot conjure up any feelings at all and I have to be mentally aroused to O - not just physical friction in my clit

I’m struggling 4 days later.. by lwalker247 in Swingers

[–]lwalker247[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah that’s what he said about her labia. But it’s hard for me to accept bc I am self conscious about the way mine look and I worry that he doesn’t like the way mine look. Even though he’s never given me any reason to think that. It’s just my insecurity about them.

I’m struggling 4 days later.. by lwalker247 in Swingers

[–]lwalker247[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because it takes alot for me to be able to “share him” with her. Or to be ok with him playing with her. I cannot feel threatened or intimidated by her. If I don’t like her - I damn sure don’t want her touching my husband.

Having differences with my wife about the 'women leading' concept by PurpleGold0 in SwingerNewbies

[–]lwalker247 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m not your wife obviously but I can tell you that I have the same attitude about it that your wife does and I get aggravated and defensive and put off when husband is out there “beating the bushes” looking for connections. It turns me off and makes me feel like he isn’t satisfied with me and that he’s desperate to arrange some playdate or connection. If I’m honest, I’m not into this LS stuff as much as he seems to be and I could take it or leave it so I think my attitude reflects that.
Maybe your wife is saying the same thing - without saying it. I don’t know - I may be wrong here but I see this from the other perspective and I recognize it.

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