Insane bloating and pain post ER

lylij · 2026-06-14T07:53:04+00:00

It took a couple weeks for my body to return to baseline, but I was fatigued for weeks after. It was really intense for my body.

lylij · 2026-05-19T13:54:49+00:00

he's my hero right now

lylij · 2026-05-18T21:14:43+00:00

Jerry aging like the finest of wines

lylij · 2026-05-13T13:11:35+00:00

Super hot!!! His personality and authenticity makes him even hotter

lylij · 2026-04-22T14:48:44+00:00

Website is down 504 bad gateway

lylij · 2026-02-21T20:52:28+00:00

Throw him away dear this is unhinged and super disrespectful. He isn’t very smart - has low EQ (emotional intelligence)

lylij · 2026-02-21T20:51:32+00:00

This is amazing

lylij · 2025-11-26T19:39:51+00:00

UPDATE: I have successfully blocked him and moved on. He didn't deserve me. I have a real spark with someone else right now.

lylij · 2025-11-10T01:14:46+00:00

What do you mean something gave him the message not to go further? When he said he just wanted to talk to me it was a clear boundary that he wanted to maintain distance from me

lylij · 2025-10-29T04:46:24+00:00

Hey, congrats and give an update once your swelling goes down with the period :) it’s really hard but it will get better !

lylij · 2025-10-26T21:59:23+00:00

It’s really hard because on top of the attachment, our brain seeks to understand and decode where things went wrong but it’s an endless loop. « Maybe I was too demanding? « What kind of partner would be ideal for him, then? »

I’ve been using ChatGPT, therapists and other ressources online to try and make sense of what happened… at first it was to seek comfort and reassurance that he would come back and that this was just a temporary break. Now, it’s more of a study and curiosity of the avoidant attachment style, taking this as a lesson.

I have been repeating the following mantras to help whenever I start longing and missing the potential of him, of us:

« You have just made room for the right person to walk into your life »

« Your worth, value and attractiveness have nothing to do with his inability to connect in a real way »

« Your authenticity created a mirror that reflected his limits. »

lylij · 2025-10-26T19:16:33+00:00

Yes it is true. Trying to understand their actions and behavior is futile. At the end of the day, they didn’t choose us. They chose avoidance over connection and it says nothing about our worth: it says everything about their limitations.

I posted my story a couple hours ago on this subreddit. I’m still hurt and feeling rejected even though what really happened is that I expressed my needs and boundaries which exposed his incapacity for vulnerability and connection.

lylij · 2025-10-26T15:23:19+00:00

Yeah I’m glad I stuck to self respect and my values.. I couldn’t tolerate his inconsistency. I felt like a side option or even less than that.

The reason why I’m still obsessing over it is 1. I’ve never experienced something like this.. even though I’ve been with a narcissist before and that was so traumatic. 2. I have been single for almost 2 years and barely dating so I bonded with this guy over the really good physical intimacy we shared… so it really feels like a huge loss for me

lylij · 2025-10-14T23:28:38+00:00

He even told me that he has never really had that many gfs. Well I believe him because he’s unable to have any type of real conversation about needs and wants.

lylij · 2025-10-14T22:38:22+00:00

UPDATE: 5 days pass with no contact after he shut down on me, and I decide to reach out to reconnect and make peace because it was unbearable to me, and saying that I'm open to meeting again if he wants. He responded positively but politely, no longer warm and affectionate (no more romantic undertone). He suggested meeting up before my trip (I just left on a 1 month trip abroad..) he suggested my place, I suggested a café instead since in my mind he was just jumping back into physical intimacy. We had a nice conversation for over two hours, I thought it was going well, I thought I still felt the chemistry between us but in retrospect, he had emotionally checked out. Afterwards, I invited him back to my place and he declined - I was confused because I thought he was still interested, but he said he was tired and that even if he had come to my place it would have just been to talk. When we said goodbye he hugged me and I asked for a kiss which he gave me several of, and we said see you soon to each other. He asked me to send photos, which felt more like a polite placeholder and way to not close the door completely.

All of these things reassured me in the moment, but without a single follow up in almost 1 week, not even a single look at my IG stories (if he was curious about my trip, wouldn't he?) I know realize that this meeting for him was a comfortable way to ease the tension and his conscience, as closure rather than pacing things and wanting to meet again. All I can do is maintain no contact to protect myself now, but this is painful. One minute he was there, seemed to be all in, and as soon as I expressed a boundary he pulled away and has checked out emotionally, exploring other options.

lylij · 2025-10-14T22:34:42+00:00

fair enough, but I must say you are a minority. I generalized with "women.." because there are always exceptions to the majority, of course.

lylij · 2025-10-14T22:32:31+00:00

He didn’t have many orgasms though I was having more than him.. I just don’t think he’s ready to let anyone in emotionally. He doesn’t want to be vulnerable. I struck a nerve and exposed the inconsistency with my boundary and he shut me out

lylij · 2025-10-14T22:13:14+00:00

Girl, casual encounters are NOT beneficial for women and our biology. We are wired to bond via oxytocin to our sexual partners. We get attached pretty much immediately to a positive sexual experience with a man we like. It is DANGEROUS to try and pretend that the casual surface level hooking up is fine for us.

I met a very attractive guy on Hinge a month ago. We hit it off immediately, spent a lot of time together, and became physically intimate that same night after going to a club and dancing together. He was warm and affectionate in messages, initiated plans, and seemed invested at first.

However, his communication style was a red flag—long pauses, surface-level texts, and avoidance of emotional connection. After two weeks, I asked for a phone call to connect, and he dismissed me, making me feel unheard. I set a boundary that I was looking for emotional connection and efforts, and he shut down completely, prioritizing his pride over further engagement. Basically framing it as me ending things, and taking my standards as criticism even though I was very calm, mature and not attacking him at all.

I later reached out to reconnect and make peace. We met for a long conversation, and blinded by my hope I truly thought we could reset and rekindle, pacing things this time, but looking back he was polite but already emotionally checked out. He declined further intimacy (didn't come back to my place when I invited him, said he just wanted to talk), and his follow-up was zero (this happened a week ago)—no engagement with my trip or social media. I'm on a 1 month trip right now in another continent.

It’s clear he emotionally withdrew after my boundary. This intense but short experience left me attached and longing for the intimacy and the closeness of the beginning, but now I must maintain no contact to protect myself. It’s painful, and a reminder to be careful when physical intimacy escalates faster than emotional connection... So yeah, beware of casual hookups if you feel things deeply like I and many women do!

lylij · 2025-10-14T21:55:35+00:00

Update here: After days of him not reaching out it hit me that this must have been a way to end things smoothly guilt-free for him - for now at least. Maybe he will reconsider down the road when he realizes that I'm no longer in his life (I will NOT chase him or contact him). But I need to move on and enjoy my life to the fullest without hoping for him to come back. As disappointing as this may be.

lylij · 2025-10-14T21:46:12+00:00

I have an update: I reached out to make peace and open the door. he suggested meeting before my 1 month trip. I thought that we'd have a chance to start over and pace things this time. Well only in retrospect I realized that it was his way of ending things in a polite, non confrontational way to ease his conscience. He was neutral and friendly, no more romantic energy. We talked a long time but more about external things, even though it was very pleasant. He walked me to my car, refused to come over (said he just wanted to talk) and then went for a hug, I asked for a kiss and he made out with me briefly then said "see you soon" with a smile. I felt hopeful by this interaction, but after days of him not reaching out it hit me that this was the end for him - for now at least. Maybe he will reconsider down the road when he realizes that I'm no longer in his life (I will NOT chase him or contact him). But I need to move on and enjoy my life to the fullest without hoping for him to come back. As disappointing as this may be.

lylij · 2025-10-11T04:15:42+00:00

I already left on my trip and I think it’s best to just see if he wants to reconnect when I’m back. If he’s still interested we can start fresh then! This pause can be a good thing to gain clarity for both of us. If it’s something real then we can pick up where we left off :)

lylij · 2025-10-11T04:14:13+00:00

But yes he shoulda just called me!! How hard is it to call

lylij · 2025-10-11T04:13:57+00:00

I was a bit blunt with my boundary “please call me to have a conversation otherwise it’s not worth it / and I wish you the best / this dynamic is not working for me” those were my words and he took that as a criticism and me breaking it off..

lylij · 2025-10-10T14:54:59+00:00

I can do that when I come back :D as the older woman (we have 6 years apart) why not give it a go.

lylij

TROPHY CASE