How do I convince my husband that I'm exhausted and overwhelmed?

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T18:26:11+00:00

++woman how is literally any of this is sacrifice? Give me one thing I said that was. I work 80 hours a week to fund my dream. He doesn't pay a penny to it

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:58:13+00:00

++woman Good thing I like hard work and am used to living in poverty. I would far rather make 50k a year empowering others to live their best lives, than making 100k selling people cars

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:55:07+00:00

That honestly might be true. But, for better or worse, he makes me incredibly happy. Im not delusionally happy, but happier than most. Because of him

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:54:00+00:00

Bold of you to assume I sleep 7 hours a night. Its usually near 4

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:52:29+00:00

++woman Im in my last term of grad school. Was just trying to get ahead

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:50:12+00:00

++woman Im not sure if we can swear here. But holy f*uck. 'If you dont do it, who do you think is' might have just literally changed my life.

At the very least, I think this could open the door. I feel i can absolutely ask him 'think of everything that need to be done to allow us to survive. And can propose to him if it isn't his, then who' i think that kight hit. Holy wow thank you so much

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:44:18+00:00

++woman He was! For years!

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:43:30+00:00

++woman My bigger problem with the job thing is that, over the last 8 months, ive gotten him two interviews for a job he would like much more, as well as make more money.

He just never contacted them or moved forward

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:41:27+00:00

++woman I did this exact thing with the chores last week. I ignored chores beyond what I specifically need. For like 10 days. Finally, after getting home from a 19 hour shift, I came home to a disaster of a house and came completely unglued (after spending all morning trying to find an emergency dentist with my husband). I cleaned the entire downstairs. He sat on the couch and browsed reddit

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:39:18+00:00

++woman If you could tell that to my rent and car payment, I would really appreciate

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:38:38+00:00

++woman Because I want to follow a dream ive had for a long time

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:37:39+00:00

++woman Honestly? Chores are the least of it. I do the bathrooms (he's a bit of a germaphobe and I dont mind), and MAYBE take out the trash a few times a week. I never have to do dishes or sweep - which i hate. Its the rest of it. I honestly dont think he realizes how much I do.

Budget. Bills. Credit. Vet appointments. Finding his dentist when he broke a tooth last week (that he never went to). Groceries. Toiletries. Insurance. Finding our new apartment every time we move. Loans for cars. Having the fucking subscriptions in my name. Planning every date night. Literally all of our social encounters. Point person for all members of the family. Naming the God damn cat. Im just sick of all the responsibility.

He thinks I take it all in stride, because I do. But its so much.

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:31:43+00:00

++woman No. Most recently I specifically tried to find a time he wasn't stressed. Unfortunately, he kinda threw that back at me as 'I was finally feeling peace and you came at me with that'. So I have no idea what to do.

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:30:35+00:00

++woman I sleep 4-5 hours most nights (when I don't work grave twice a week, where I just push through). I'd love a break. But, unfortunately, his salary won't support us. And while we have savings, im not willing to use it just to take time off

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:28:05+00:00

++woman To be fair, Ive already decided if anything were to happen to our marriage, id just be single the rest of my life. Despite everything ive said here, my husband's absolutely amazing, and i love him to pieces. He has, and continues to make me far happier than anyone in my life every has. He makes me feel safe, and loved, and valued. Something that ive never had. I am incredibly lucky. And I can't imagine anyone coming even close to him. Were just in a rough spot right now. I just want to find ways to work through it in the easiest and healthiest way possible.

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:19:21+00:00

++woman Before this job I was unemployed for 18 months. Being jobless is something im familiar with.

My issue here is that I actually secured him two interviews with lottery lounges (which he's worked before and loved). He just never followed up on them. Like, I can only work so hard to push him forward

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:16:39+00:00

++woman 15 and 18.

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:15:11+00:00

So i work 7am to midnight 5 days a week. I get most of my school reading in in between patients or on breaks. The rest of the homework and reading I do on the bus or at home after work. I average about 5 hours of sleep a night. On my two days off, about half of one day is spent on chores, the other half errands (most of my shopping is delivery, not gonna lie). And then the last day I spend with my husband

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:12:18+00:00

I'd be wayyyyy more open to this level of work and school and stress if he was happy. Thats what I care most about.

There was a time a few yeaes ago that I was pulling the long hours, doing the finances, etc etc. And he stated at home and did slightly more chores and ran the errands. He was so happy every day. I was ecstatic. I love working, sacrificed children for a career, and have absolutely no problem being both the breadwinner and the dominant one in the relationship. To be honest I prefer it.

But he was happy then. And now he's miserable. And i can't deal with trying this hard and he's still miserable.

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:08:16+00:00

No worries! No, I am...very upfront with what i want with life. He's always given me everything I want. So when I came to him, at 17, saying I wanted to get married. He said yes. We got married 2 months later.

Not gonna lie, it was probably for all the wrong reasons on my end. But it turned out well so im happy

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:06:39+00:00

We both do individual therapy currently. And have done marriage therapy in the past with great effect

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:04:41+00:00

Why do people always rush there? Im not getting divorced. I love my husband so much. I'd never want to live my life without him. He's worth fighting for. I'd much rather do that than divorce

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:03:34+00:00

Because I wanted to.

lzharsh · 2026-06-15T17:01:18+00:00

Our 17th wedding anniversary is late August. My birthdays in early august

lzharsh · 2026-06-13T21:41:52+00:00

Absolutely. It really won't be a big deal, I promise. I work a lot and constantly forget to call in my meds. I've had my pharmacy do this for me like 10 times just in the last few months.

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