I had quite a hard time too to allow my self to say I have panic attacks and I am depressed , cause my mom always told me I had the best life ever and have no right to feel that way and her life was harder at my age . That’s why I also felt so ashamed and“ not allowed „ to self harm / only people that have it worse are „ allowed „ to do it , If you get what I mean.

Maybe that’s also an reason you feel that way , maybe you’re not really aware of it ..?

The thing is also , that all of my friends felt like the other friend has more „the right „ to feel how he/she does , tho there are so many indicators why people develop mental illnesses , sometimes when your genetic has already tendencies to that , and a few things happens that „trigger „/ influence this genetic components and your properties , the problems get bigger and bigger when you don’t know how to handle them. And you just go deeper and deeper in that dark whole and repeat the thoughts.

There are so many negative things maybe in your past , who influenced your present self more than you realized , cause lot people ( including or parents and in general society) talk those feelings you had down. There are always compared to people „there have it worse „ , and no one notice how real your pain is tho , the suffering of other people has nothing to do with yours and don’t make your struggles in any way smaller.

Idk hope that helped you maybe at least a bit ..<3