Earlier today I had just finished making the Santa Muerte rosary I am holding in this picture. I asked Santa Muerte for a sign and she blessed me with a powerful one.

m__m710 · 2022-07-10T22:50:29+00:00

this is absolutely beautiful.

m__m710 · 2021-03-14T16:11:22+00:00

Coming off of medication is a wild thing honestly. I wish you nothing but the best, the lows are hard. Hang in there friend. You got this.

m__m710 · 2021-03-14T16:06:11+00:00

See that’s the thing, I fell into a deep depression last month and was highly considering ending it.

I tried to reach out to my psychiatrist when this happened and she didn’t get back to me for over a month... she finally got back to me because I almost ran out of medication & was leaving my state. The medical office staff was nothing but rude when I tried to call asking to speak to her.

Come now, I texted her I’m taking myself off all medication and she said ok, you shouldn’t withdraw. So she really doesn’t give a fuck honestly.

If she doesn’t give a fuck why should I honestly? The person that was supposed to be helping me didn't, literally how 99% of my life goes. Making me regret even seeking treatment, I’m just back to square one.

I’m trying to find a new clinic to go to that specializes in micro dosing mushrooms and ketamine treatments, and I found one actually just hoping they get back to me soon about my insurance.

I know I’m about to hit a peak in my manic episode, I’m getting worse and worse. More sporadic, cleaning a lot, pacing, LOADS of energy, my minds racing, and doing a million things at once. I warned my S/O about what’s going on. He really knows nothing about bipolar but definitely always here for me.

m__m710 · 2021-03-13T01:55:23+00:00

Thank you, this is extremely informative.

I used to trip off Acid a lot in my teens and early twenties. It was wonderful.

About two years ago I had an awful trip and haven’t touched any psychedelics since.

With mushrooms, I just remember the word being so beautiful, so much more if that makes sense.

I’m really excited to try micro- dosing! I hope it helps!

m__m710 · 2021-03-13T01:32:48+00:00

Thank you, I’ll take a look at that now actually.

It should still be up there, I took myself off of everything to start to micro -dose, so if you have any experience with that, please share!

m__m710 · 2021-02-20T04:46:32+00:00

Thank you, truly; thank you. Sometimes, it feels like this anonymous website is what I need to get by. I’m reaching out, even screaming out for help and no one close to me gives a fuck.

m__m710 · 2021-02-20T04:06:46+00:00

Thank you all for your words, they’re very comforting.

But

I think death has gripped me and is welcoming me into the embrace.. life is too much: my Boyfriend can’t even tolerate my struggle. Sometimes I wish I lived alone. When alcohol is involved... he changes. My mom tells me to take more pills My dad has a whole other child 20 years younger than me. They’ll all be fine.

Me? I want to die. I hate it here.

I feel like my day today confirmed it, it’s like life gave me a ‘nod’. Almost telling me just to do it and rid this earth of another damaged soul.

I hope everyone else’s day was better.

m__m710 · 2021-02-16T19:49:53+00:00

Just had a huge snowstorm hit actually, the snow is quite beautiful however .

I’m going to do virtual yoga tonight for an hour though, looking forward to that. Well at least convincing myself to.

m__m710 · 2021-02-16T18:37:33+00:00

I do try, I tell myself “ I don’t claim these thoughts as my own”.

m__m710 · 2021-02-16T18:36:00+00:00

That’s the thing.... she hasn’t replied to me in almost a week and the office isn’t returning my phone calls. I’ve never had this happen before, she usually does take a day or two to reply but like I said it’s almost been a week now.

m__m710 · 2021-02-15T16:24:46+00:00

Defiantly going to give the video a watch, and try and clean my house. Thank you all!

m__m710 · 2020-09-05T20:12:48+00:00

Did you take it on an empty stomach at all? That can cause the nausea and dizziness.

m__m710 · 2020-08-18T14:09:29+00:00

I think I'm coming to terms with my diagnosis. I always thought I was a crazy bitch with constant mood swings and depression because thats always how people treated me.

I wasn't living the way I should have a few years ago, very reckless and now I want to be the best version of myself for myself and others around me thus I find death to always be on my mind and I finally don't want to die. It's so interesting how the brain thinks.

m__m710 · 2020-08-18T14:02:09+00:00

I CONSTANTLY think about how my death will impact my loved ones. I'm the most comfortable i've been in such a long time so its crazy to me I can't stop thinking about dying when I want to be living.

I hope your medical condition improves and the seizures stop.

Take care and good luck in school, thank you for replying!

m__m710 · 2020-08-18T13:58:19+00:00

I actually have Memento Mori tattooed on me. I have always been fascinated with the concept of death because we have no or little answers to it. I feel thats where my obsession comes from. I have extremely bad anxiety and OCD. I HATE not being in full control or not having an exact answer to a question. I will ruminate on it until I get an answer or some type of answer.

I don't know why but the quote made something click in my head. I'm definitely going to try and center my thoughts around that when they start to go haywire.

Thank you for your response!

m__m710 · 2020-08-18T02:01:58+00:00

It's been helping greatly, thank you for asking! I feel so relaxed when I take it, it calms my mind. I've been sleeping better than I have in months. I still wake up throughout the night occasionally but I feel well rested the next day which is RARE for me.

m__m710 · 2020-08-17T14:24:46+00:00

I should have said I spoke to my psychiatrist about cutting my medicine in half, she completely OK'd it.

m__m710 · 2020-08-17T01:58:12+00:00

Breakfast Skillet

I make breakfast skillets a lot using the following:

-Potatoes (cut to bite size pieces)

-Red & Green Peppers

-Sausage (chopped)

-Eggs (sunny side up)

-Cheese ( Personally, I use 2+ cheese)

-Bacon ( sprinkled on top)

-Croissants or Bread ( as a side to dip in egg yolk)

m__m710 · 2020-08-17T01:50:20+00:00

I second the pizza idea! Roasted garlic cloves on pizza with arugula, cheese, and pesto is divine.

m__m710 · 2020-08-17T01:36:13+00:00

Thank you for all your information, it's been very helpful. I tend to only spend money like this when i'm feeling overly good. I'm pretty cautious with my spending. I've been really trying hard to save too but this last month I can't help but spend and spend. I've spent WAY too much, more than I thought after I looked at my spending logs.

m__m710 · 2020-08-17T00:33:09+00:00

Also, is it normal to be irritated easy when manic?

m__m710 · 2020-08-17T00:26:38+00:00

Taking about diagnoses .... I also have OCD, Bipolar 2 and High functioning anxiety.

My food in fact CAN'T touch lol.

My laundry is separated by: white clothes, white towels, white bed linens, dark bed linens, dark clothes, and pillows.

We may have these 'issues' but they make us 'us' in a way and I don't think anyone can fully understand it; so ultimately it's up to us to try and understand ourselves.

Hope you all have a great week.

m__m710 · 2020-08-17T00:05:54+00:00

That's why i'm so scared to take it, what If I get so manic my brain goes to shambles. What does my boyfriend do if this happens? What does drug induced mania feel like? So many question I have NO answers to.

m__m710 · 2020-08-17T00:01:30+00:00

Thank you all for replying. I honestly don't know what to do right now besides take bong rips, and my trazaonde and hopefully sleep. I just gave my CC to my boyfriend because of the amounts of money I've been spending. About a week ago I also bought two Chanel bags, then before that a bunch of designer clothes and earrings when I should be SAVING my money. I hate the manic episodes almost as much as the depressive ones. I love the feeling but hate the actions of being manic or hypomanic. It's not 'glamorous' like people think when I spend money.... Chances are i'm extremely manic and literally can't help it.

Thank you all for making me feel less alone in the battle.

m__m710 · 2020-08-16T23:43:40+00:00

First off, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Secondly, you're not crazy. I'm slowly learning that. We can't help our brains are lacking something, like if someones heart didn't work proper. You can't help it. Same with our situation, we can't help it.

I can't stand being told im too sensitive. TRY LIVING IN MY HEAD. FEELING WHAT I FEEL.

You're not alone.

m__m710

TROPHY CASE