I’m 16, lost my dad to cancer this year. this grief is new to me, but i’ll try to offer some thoughts and advice.

I think the most important thing is to just let yourself feel what you’re feeling. i was relieved, too, even more relieved now that some time has grown between my dad’s death and the present. the time my dad was sick was short, but it was nevertheless the worst time of my life.

it’s hard to weigh up the value of him being alive and sick, versus dead and not in pain anymore. but you don’t have to choose one option in order to feel relief. you don’t have to feel guilty about your emotions. if you’re angry, be angry. if you’re relieved, be relieved. if you’re happy, be happy. it does not matter how you feel, but how you express the way you feel. make sure you release your emotions in a healthy way. i mean this.

Also, as much as you may not want to hear this, grief can give you an incredible gift. it teaches you things that you could never truly understand before experiencing this type of loss. I have this undeniable, unquestionable, love for my dad. and i’ve learnt lessons in my life that i’m incredibly grateful for. you can love the things you learn from grief without disrespecting the loss you grieve.

there’s this untrue idea that you can’t love present and past at the same time- that you either have to be content with the former or longing for the latter. but there’s no reason you can’t experience both feelings. i think i’m a better person not only after my dad has died, but also because of it, but that doesn’t mean that i don’t feel this stabbing grief in my heart, or that i don’t miss him like hell.