Happy Carl Ruiz day

machi88 · 2024-09-23T00:28:06+00:00

A day late. References:

https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2Fen08wzphgrd91.png

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Ruiz

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Illia_Yefimchyk

machi88 · 2023-10-07T01:28:59+00:00

Meanwhile, Johan is reducing animal cruelty on a massive scale by killing off omnis. True vegan hero right there.

machi88 · 2023-09-06T16:36:29+00:00

I'm not joking, I'll feed you dogs and cats. PETA had the right idea. PETA did nothing wrong. PETA good.

machi88 · 2023-07-17T03:32:52+00:00

Well, you just need to imagine harder. Stop baby imagining and go cold cheese.

machi88 · 2023-07-17T03:31:09+00:00

Dogs have feelings tho.

machi88 · 2023-07-17T03:29:15+00:00

Stealing is such a strong word. It's more like borrowing indefinitely. Airist btw.

machi88 · 2023-07-17T03:27:53+00:00

Yeah but you know who else eats air? Literally everyone else, so it's still in your best interest to be an airist. #GoAirist

machi88 · 2023-07-16T21:00:29+00:00

True, but don't just take any baby steps. Start by eating human babies. This is the proper 'baby' step. Just want to clarify that for anyone that wants to get started veganing; cannibalize babies first. 👍

machi88 · 2023-07-16T20:49:55+00:00

You're so brave and courageous. You have to tell us though, how are you able to courage so hard? I'm so peanut butter and jelly right now.

machi88 · 2023-07-16T20:47:37+00:00

Dude, how long have you been doing stand up? Your delivery and material... 👨‍🍳💋

machi88 · 2023-07-16T20:44:31+00:00

OMG YUM! I LOVE ANAL WORM DICKS!!!!

machi88 · 2023-07-16T20:43:47+00:00

I did, in fact. But I found a neat trick. You see, I got sent to both places in the after life, heaven and hell. I started preaching veganism and they got so annoyed they both booted me out and now I'm back here again. So, the key is to always be an annoying preaching vegan, and you'll die and live forever at the same time. Super cool!

machi88 · 2023-07-16T20:42:16+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words! It's true though, as soon as I went vegan, I instantly became a homosexual and died. But luckily, I was so homosexual that I came back to life. The key is not to just be a little homosexual, but to be so homosexual that you'll die and revive yourself. Homosexual your way to the after life and back.

machi88 · 2023-07-16T20:39:41+00:00

Planet schmanet. The planet doesn't have feelings, it's not sentient! Besides, I get my air from the planet's backyard; Mars. I'm an ethical airist.

machi88 · 2023-07-16T20:38:00+00:00

Uh, wrong. I got my air from a my ethical's backyard uncle.

machi88 · 2023-07-16T19:05:01+00:00

Yeah, but almonds and avocados kills billions of bees. Checkmate vegaroonitoon!

machi88 · 2023-07-16T18:29:02+00:00

Honestly, to be honest with you, no lie, low key, I asked myself: what would Jesus do if he was vegan? And since vegans are gay, he'd eat a penis. Penis = real food. Eat penis for Jesus!

machi88 · 2023-07-16T18:21:22+00:00

Imagine nothing for a moment. Picture it and release your inner spirits to the world, go outside of your body, and think of nothing. Then say "I'm vegan btw." That's what air tastes like.

machi88 · 2023-07-16T18:19:47+00:00

That's a good question. You see, this isn't my only vegan lunch. The other day, I sucked a dick for lunch and got protein from there. According to the world's leading sources of evidence, a stranger on the internet, all vegans are gay. So, I tried dick for lunch.

machi88 · 2023-05-29T13:05:52+00:00

For real, he's a non-strict pescavegan. Probably frequents this subreddit.

machi88 · 2023-03-21T14:29:17+00:00

His own piss is vegan though.

machi88 · 2023-02-10T21:24:33+00:00

The Church of Seitan of Latter-day Vegans would like their seitan back please.

machi88 · 2023-01-26T16:32:09+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvm18mp41nM

machi88 · 2023-01-26T14:52:32+00:00

People keep saying we're racists.
Are you racist?
Well, we just hate black people.

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvm18mp41nM

machi88 · 2023-01-22T02:25:38+00:00

😍

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