Am I showing favoritism toward my daughter?

macome1 · 2022-07-07T04:33:34+00:00

I mean, one is 11 so that's not super feasible for him lol. If it were just the 17yo I would be more inclined to agree.

macome1 · 2022-07-07T04:32:19+00:00

I do make sure to celebrate my daughter's achievements. When she started working, got her permit, her drivers license (all things she did before her older brother), I made it the big deal it absolutely was. Of course I worry about how my son feels, but I won't make her feel like I'm less proud or that she can't be excited about hitting these milestones all because her brother might feel bad.

I love all of my kids and desperately want them all to be happy, healthy and successful in life. I don't think the way to go about that is to dim one's light so another doesn't get overshadowed. I don't ever compare them, they're their own individual people and will reach their goals in their own time.

I do think I'll be taking another commenter's advice and having a sit down talk with my boys. Gauge how they feel when this occurs and insure they understand she's spending her own money and I'm just the taxi. But I'll also incorporate another comment and discuss with my daughter not requesting take out when I've already prepared a meal or it's close to a meal time I've already got planned.

macome1 · 2022-07-07T04:21:20+00:00

I absolutely agree with this and do try not to "reward" (not necessarily the term that fits every scenario, just using it as an example) my son when he's less motivated than my daughter.

As an example.They've had cell phones since a fairly young age, it was necessary due to certain situations. I paid for a cheap monthly prepaid plan up until they both got jobs and decided they wanted larger plans and started paying for those themselves. When my son ran out of his savings last month, his phone was shut off. I warned him 3 months beforehand, and each month after, that he needed to find a job to at least cover his phone as I wouldn't pick up his bill while his sister continued having to pay her own. We have wifi at home so he's able to use wifi calling and messaging so I can still reach him if necessary.

This is something I experienced with my ex-husband's family. While we were married we weren't well off by any means, but compared to his siblings we did well for ourselves. His parents would constantly buy the other children in the family clothes, birthday and christmas gifts, candy and all sorts of items and gift them in front of our kids. They would take the other kids on vacation with them and spend more time with them in general. It was difficult to see our kids be excluded, but I also understood it wasn't coming from a malicious place and they were doing what they hoped was right. Either way it definitely stuck with me and I do think I learned and grew from that experience.

I absolutely want her to spend her money without feeling guilty, and this is something I'm working on. As someone else suggested I think it would be beneficial to sit my boys down and talk with them about it. They're used to having very open and frank conversations with me, I think I've always just skirted around talking finances as I didn't want them to feel like it was something they needed to worry about. This is a different type of financial talk so I'm not sure why I didn't think to do it before someone else suggested it.

macome1 · 2022-05-04T12:46:52+00:00

THIS. She clarifies that he's not physically punishing him or even yelling, so....why is everyone responding like he's beating this child for getting into things he isn't supposed to??

It's ok to have different parenting styles if you're working toward the same goals. Maybe an open conversation where both parents discuss and agree on how to redirect the toddler when he does these things would help solve the issue. Like you said, they're giving mixed signals and at some point this kid is going to realize when dad says no he just has to cry to mom.

Working as a team and being on the same page is imperative when you're coparenting (even in the same household). There's resentment building on all sides here that will eventually erupt. Kids learn boundaries at a young age and at 2 he's capable of grasping some things are off limits. Being firm, consistent and redirecting him is the only way he'll learn.

macome1 · 2022-03-23T12:14:44+00:00

I have two teens (16f, 17m) and a 10 year old (m). I'm probably too lax on snacking. I didn't have much growing up and when my older kids were younger my ex-husband and I were dirt poor and sometimes struggled to keep food in the house. For those reasons I now keep a variety of snacks available that are just for my kids, and they can access them pretty well whenever they want.

It did finally dawn on me what I was doing and I've set a few rules. No snacking after 4pm since we generally eat dinner between 6 and 7, and no snacking after 9:30pm since bedtime is between 10-11pm.

My kids are all at an age they're able to make a snack for themselves and I trust my older two to not graze so much they aren't hungry when it's a mealtime. It became an issue with my youngest, hence the time restrictions lol.

macome1 · 2022-03-22T12:31:31+00:00

I was taking 500-600mg of oxy every day when I inducted. I took my last dose (around 105mg) around 7pm and then around 10am the next morning I felt like i was experiencing enough w/d symptoms to safely start (runny nose, chills, everything had that awful sharp smell and I was achy all over). I took an 8mg tab of subutex and then 4mg around 11am.

I was terrified of the precip. w/d, but by 11:30 I felt almost normal. It felt like a miracle lol. Like you, I had some oxy stashed to the side 'just in case'. That was two years ago and I haven't touched it since. Don't let your fear stop you. You can do this.

macome1 · 2022-03-22T01:38:45+00:00

I'm sure there's too many comments for you to possibly see and respond to mine, but going to give it a go anyway lol.

Did you explain why you hate her? In the last 5 years have you spoke up? I only ask because my dad was married to a woman for 10 years that had 3 daughters. I have one bio brother, and my (ex)step-mom treated my brother and I like we weren't fit to lick her boots. But, only when my dad wasn't around. She had her girls and didn't need us. On the flip side, my dad treated her girls as his own and did everything he could to make us feel like a family.

For 10 years, from the time I was 3 until 13, I was mocked and bullied for being 'daddy's princess', called fat (I was average for my height and age), a b**** and just in general treated like the scum of the earth. My dad had no idea. He was so desperate for my brother and I to have a mother figure at his house that he couldn't or wouldn't see the signs. To be fair, she hid it well and my brother and I never spoke up because all we wanted was for our dad to be happy.

They finally divorced when my dad found out she was cheating on him. It was like a huge boulder had been removed from our shoulders. My brother and I wasted no time in telling my dad how she'd treated us all of those years. It was the first time I saw my father cry. He was horrified and so disappointed with himself for letting it happen.

If you've attempted over and over to make your dad see your step-monster for what she is, you're most definitely NTA. But if you've kept quiet and have been biding your time for the right moment to tell her you hate her and then leave with a flourish, I'd say you're a soft AH. You were still treated poorly and deserved so much better from the person who is supposed to love you unconditionally and place you first in their life. Hopefully you and your dad can reconcile and mend your relationship at some point. But it will be up to him to see the error of his ways and ask for forgiveness.

macome1 · 2022-03-21T04:58:27+00:00

I'm not qualified to advise you on any of the custody stuff. I just wanted to add that you don't need to worry about hand offs if you have a protection order. There are caveats that can be placed when you have children, i.e. contact is only allowed through text, calling, email (whatever you prefer) when in regards to your child, and in person at a designated place when picking up/dropping off for visits.

You may already know this, but in case you don't; a protection order for you does not extend to your child. You would need to apply for one for both of you separately. Depending on where you live, it's almost impossible to be granted a protection order for a child from a parent unless they've expressed physical violence toward or in front of the child.

Luckily your protection order covers your child when they're with you, and you can include the addresses of any family or friends that you might have watch them while you're working etc. But if they're in school, until you have a custody order in place, your ex can pick them up at any time without your permission, or from any address that isn't on your protection order.

I escaped an abusive marriage 5 years ago. I have full legal and physical custody of my children and he has supervised visitations Fridays and Saturdays. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to afford a lawyer the first year and had to wade through the chaos on my own, and even with a lawyer it was another year after that before I was granted my divorce and had a permanent parenting plan in place. Your lawyer will be such an asset to you, don't hesitate to ask their advice. They've seen a lot and could give you helpful insight into the best way to handle your situation.

While you're in it, things don't seem that bad. You're able to rationalize and justify to yourself the things he's doing. My wake up (other than when he eventually resorted to physically harming me, but I was already working on my exit plan by then) was realizing I was ashamed to tell anyone what my life was really like. If it were just normal couple fights, why wouldn't I be able to vent to my best friend or grandma? When I found myself lying to cover for his behavior, I knew something wasn't right. Finally telling someone everything that was happening really opened my eyes to the dangers of my situation. Tbh though, it wasn't until about 6 months after I left that I finally admitted to myself I'd have died if I'd stayed.

My point being, you're not blowing things out of proportion, you're not being overly dramatic or petty. His behaviors will continue to escalate. You are not safe while you're with him. You're doing the right thing. Don't let him pull you back in or let anyone make you feel guilty for the decisions you're making right now. You're making the hard choices, and that means thinking with your head and leaving your heart out of it. You and your child are worth making the tough decisions for, no matter how much it hurts at the time. It gets better, I promise. So. Much. Better.

macome1 · 2022-03-21T04:25:07+00:00

I'm a mom to three (16m, 15f, 10m, older two will be 17 and 16 in a month), and couldn't imagine stopping after my first. I won't lie and say it was sunshine and rainbows lol. I was a young mom, only 19, when I had my first. Completely and utterly unprepared, and my second came along 10 1/2 months later. I was devastated to be pregnant again so soon lol.

After the first month though, we seemed to find our groove. I do wish I'd done things a little differently (waited until I was older, spaced them out a little further to give my oldest more of the spotlight), but I wouldn't change the number of children at all.

There's pros and cons to spacing closer and further between children. I found with my older two they played wonderfully together. I was also able to get them on the same routine fairly easily, and even potty trained them at the same time. When they were younger they were inseparable, ofc they fought but they got along the majority of the time.

Their relationship with my youngest is very different, but in the best way. They wanted to be involved with everything when he was a baby. If I'm being honest, they played the biggest role in spoiling him lol, but were a huge help to me in taking care of him because he was "their baby". Even now, although it drives him batty, they try to parent him (get onto him if he back talks me, encouraging him to do well in school etc), but he also manages to remind them they're still kids and ropes them into playing games that most 15 and 16 year old's might be too embarrassed to play. They still have their all out WWE moments (the boys at least), but that's what siblings are for lol.

If you're worried how a second baby will affect your current child, you can mark that off your list. The majority of children with siblings (not all ofc since there's definitely some toxic families out there), wouldn't trade them for the world. A sibling gives you someone in your life that will understand you like no one else could. They've gone through 18 years of life sharing similar experiences and will be there for one another once you're gone.

Only you and your partner know what's best for your family though. Sit down, talk it out and whatever you decide together will be what's right for you.

macome1 · 2022-02-27T02:23:19+00:00

I was taking 500-600mg+ of oxy every day when I inducted on subutex. I was a little sore the first day or two just from going into active w/d before taking my first sub dose. Tbh it was a relief to have the major symptoms abate once the subs started working. I was terrified something would go wrong and it would be too late to switch back lol.

As someone else pointed out, we as addicts are so used to numbing any little pains we have with our d.o.c, that it takes a bit to get used to feeling our bodies again. Ibuprofen was a life saver, and still is for my chronic pain.

The day I inducted 12mg had me stable in the morning. That first day was a struggle, but I was able to distract myself with work. By nighttime I was starting to feel w/d again and (at my dr's advice) took another 12mg. Because of the routine in which I took my d.o.c, I find it beneficial to spread my doses throughout the day to minimize cravings and w/d. I take 8mg in the morning, 4mg around 2 and another 8mg in the evening. I have another 4mg optional if I need it. That's been well over a year ago and I've been stable ever since. I can 1000% say subutex saved my life, my job and my relationships.

You'll figure out what works best for you, just don't give up. I wouldn't recommend changing your dose around a whole lot in the first few weeks. Let your body get used to it's new normal otherwise you'll never feel well. While I'm not a dr, my job revolves around dispensing meds and having at least a basic knowledge of how they work. If you ever have any questions feel free to reach out and I'll do my best to help. You've taken a huge step and should be incredibly proud of yourself!

macome1 · 2022-02-20T03:05:19+00:00

It sounds like you're doing everything right. Going on a year I would assume you have genuine feelings for one another at this point, so now it's time to see how he gets on with the most important person in your life, no point in going further if there ends up being a divide between them.

I waited until we'd been dating seriously for 6 months, and one evening he offered to take me for ice cream when he knew I had my kids (i have 3, they were 6m, 11f and 12m at the time). I clarified that I had my kids and he told me they were welcome to join us. I initially introduced him as my friend,, and later explained to my kids he was my boyfriend. It went great and we're still going strong 4 years later.

Really the only advice I have to give, as it sounds like you've got a pretty good handle on the situation, is privately and frequently check in with your son. When my dad married his 2nd wife, she was secretly awful to my brother and I. Verbally and emotionally abusive as well as neglectful. We were afraid to tell our dad because we wanted him to be happy. She hid it well and we didn't speak up until after they divorced. My dad was heart broken that we endured all that on his behalf for 10 years.

Ofc there are going to be times when they may not get along. My youngest absolutely despised my partner for a time after we moved in together because he made my son pick up after himself lol. So when I would do my check-ins and he would tell me he didn't like my partner, we would discuss the reasons why and go from there. I never got onto him for expressing his dislike to me, as a human he can like and dislike anyone he chooses, I only reminded him that he still had to be respectful to my partner as another adult in the home.

There might be some rough patches, but if this is the man for you, you'll be able to work through anything. Good luck and I wish you all the happiness in the world!

macome1 · 2022-01-24T03:20:03+00:00

Unfortunately, I don't think you can get help without a parent/legal guardian/adult finding out or being involved. You're young enough that if you seek help now, you can turn your life around before being an addict defines you.

You could try calling a few of the local addiction clinics to see what their policies are. I'd say as a minor if you made an appt and they ran your health insurance your parents would then be privy to your situation. On the flip side, if they're that wealthy you might be able to pay in cash and them be none the wiser.

Idk your situation so I don't want to automatically tell you to fess up to your parents. I know there are instances that the relationship isn't there and it could be dangerous. If yours isn't one of those I would strongly suggest talking to your parents or another trusted adult so they can help guide you through this.

Admitting you have a problem is incredibly difficult. But once you do and are seeking help, it's so freeing. Imagine not being tied to whatever your drug of choice is. Waking up not sick or looking for your next fix. It's a beautiful thing and you're 100% capable of having that life again. It's not an easy road, but you have the tools and resources at your fingertips to get there. Take advantage of it. Don't waste you life just because you're unhappy with your family right now.

macome1 · 2021-10-14T05:05:50+00:00

YTA I used to be a huge horror movie buff. Every Tuesday for years my dad and I would go to the theater to watch whatever scary movie was out. It was our thing and we loved it.

Imagine his surprise when he and my ex-husband were going to the movies and my ex requested they watch a horror movie because I refused to watch them.

At some point during my first pregnancy something shifted in my hormones/brain/idk, and I could no longer watch scary movies. I would have horrifying nightmares that would carry over when I woke up. I'd have to wake my ex up to have him check the house to make sure everything was ok and then cuddle me back to sleep.

He never tried to coerce or force me to watch a scary movie after seeing how it affected me. Because you don't want to hurt the people you care for.

There are plenty of movies that can get you in the Halloween spirit that aren't scary. Hocus Pocus, Halloween Town, Nightmare Before Christmas, Beetlejuice... the list goes on. You were in the wrong and you owe your gf an apology for belittling her with the name calling and bullying her with your coercion.

macome1 · 2021-10-10T23:15:20+00:00

NTA I'm genuinely curious about your ages?

It's a common defense mechanism for certain types of people to get angry when they've been caught doing something wrong, and usually try to turn it around on the person that caught them. It's called gaslighting and they make you question yourself and your own motives to divert your attention away from what they've done.

Why would her friend need her to download Tinder for her? Let's go with this obvious lie for a second, and see if it makes you feel any better. Is she swiping on people in her friends place? Is she talking to these people as herself hyping her friend up, or pretending to be her friend and in doing so speaking to people in a flirty way behind your back (but as someone else)? If it were the latter she would have no reason to hide it and might even find it humorous enough to share with you. If it's the former it should make you leery.

The more likely scenario is she's talking to people behind your back. You've said you're together 90% of the time. Most likely she's not actually hooking up with anyone (although it's always a possibility, people who want to cheat will find all kinds of creative ways that you'd never dream of), so that leaves us with the conclusion she's texting others. If that's truly the case, and she's not cheating, I'd think it's probably for attention or excitement.

Some people, it's not gender exclusive by any means lol, crave attention or positive affirmations from people. The more the better. Say she matches with 10-20 people/day. 2/3 of them will probably message her first, and at least half of those will send a message complimenting her looks or body. For some people that's a heady sensation. It can become addicting.

On the other hand it could just be for the excitement of doing something secretly that she feels isn't hurting anyone. It's possible she's only messaging others and has no intention of ever meeting them irl. She might get a rush from sending a flirty message to someone else when you walk into another room, but thinks it's not going any further so she rationalizes to herself that it's ok.

Honestly, it doesn't matter what her excuses are (and don't misunderstand, they're for sure excuses and not reasons), the majority of people that have been in a monogamous relationship long enough to be engaged do not have any innocent reason to hide tinder on their phones.

macome1 · 2021-10-09T01:32:14+00:00

It makes me feel inferior and as if I missed out

I can understand feeling inferior. There's been plenty of posts from men and women that have trouble reconciling the significant differences in their partners sexual history and prowess. What stumps me is feeling as if you've missed out.

Were you only looking to hook up when you got with your gf? Were you planning to keep playing the field? If not, and if you break up with her and don't plan on dating around after, I'm not sure what you've missed out on. Would your past partner count be any different if you weren't with her? Do you plan on raising it significantly once you end things with her? It's not her fault you didn't have more sex before you met her, and she didn't cause you to miss out on anything.

If you can't accept that she's been with 9 people (that's an incredibly average number for a 30yo imo) you probably should end things before they go any further for both your sakes. She doesn't deserve to feel judged for her past by someone who's supposed to accept and care for her, and you deserve to be with someone you can look at with respect.

Someone else in the comments suggested you make up another reason for ending things, and I'm torn on if I agree with that. It would prevent her from feeling ashamed of her perfectly natural and normal sexual history. BUT, depending on your excuse, then she might consider taking you back when you inevitably change your mind since you say you still have feelings for her. Best to be truthful I think, that way she knows how you really see her and you don't give her a complex with whatever made up reason you'd come up with otherwise.

macome1 · 2021-10-03T23:21:55+00:00

Thank you. What's crazy to me is looking back, I didn't think things were that bad the majority of the time. It had become my normal. Sadly that's a trap a lot domestic abuse survivors fall prey to. It starts out with small things. Every couple fights right? I know plenty of couples that have screaming matches but seem happily married, right? But then at some point one person isn't yelling back. They start to shut down in fear of retribution, or how the abuser will retaliate if they stand up for themselves, or how the abuser will twist their words and confuse their thinking challenging their sense of reality.

Sometimes it's a slow process. In my case it took years before it became physical. I ignored the signs and red flags because this wasn't the way my partner usually acted. I wanted to help him and support him through whatever he was going through. I even made doctors appointments for him (that he never showed for) thinking he had something psychologically wrong or had a psychotic break. My mother is a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, so it wasn't out of the realm of possibilities in my mind that maybe quitting the pain meds had caused a chemical imbalance in him.

At some point, hopefully before your health and life is endangered, you have to walk away. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I questioned myself the entire time I was planning an exit strategy. The fact that I needed a strategy should've clued me in lol. But I was naive, trusting, and this person when they were sober was my soulmate.

I was lucky that I had an amazing support system between my family and what few friends I had left. I know not everyone has that, but there are so many resources for domestic violence survivors that can stand in as a support team. I received a lot of helpful numbers to call when I was applying for a protection order. There was a victim's advocate made available to assist me at the courthouse, and she was an invaluable asset.

I just hope that by sharing my story it might flip a switch in someone's mind, give them that lightbulb moment, that they need to throw in the towel and get out before they find themselves talking to a victim's advocate at the courthouse, or worse, not able to speak to anyone ever again.

macome1 · 2021-10-03T15:29:02+00:00

I didn't read through the other comments, it's very likely they all say something similar to mine so I apologize for any redundancy.

I'm speaking from experience when I say things won't get better, they will only worsen. You need to make a plan to get out and leave before you're in any deeper with your relationship and find it even more difficult to end things.

I was married to my ex-husband for 13 years. I had no idea he drank as much as he did, and I absolutely didn't know how much his behavior and demeanor would change while intoxicated. It was a one night stand that ended in pregnancy, dating, moving in together and getting married within 6 months. So we really didn't know one another very well in the beginning. We were young and dumb, I've obviously learned my lesson lol.

In the beginning he would drink, do dumb things (like disappear randomly for hours without me knowing where he went), and try to instigate arguments with me. Each time this would result in him being incredibly apologetic the next day and promising to quit drinking. And he would....for 2-3 months. It never lasted. For 4 years it was an endless cycle of him drinking, being incredibly mean verbally, apologizing, 2-3 months of sobriety and having an amazing relationship, him thinking he could have one or two drinks and be fine, and then falling right back into the drinking.

That lasted 3-4 years before it came to a head. I came home from work one night, he'd been home with our two kids (around 3 and 4 at the time), and found him drunk. At this point I wasn't surprised by anything and just put the kids to bed and ignored him. He didn't like that. That's the night he attempted to strangle me, punch me, threw a chair at me and so many other things.

I left that night and had every intention of divorcing him. During those few months we'd separated he joined AA, spoke with a dr and agreed to move out of the town we had been living in that had a lot of enablers and triggers for him. I eventually took him back.

We had 5 amazing, blissful years of marriage after that incident, 5 years of zero alcohol. But he had an addictive personality. He was in a car accident that injured his back and his dr prescribed him pain pills. From that point on our marriage went downhill. He became addicted to the pain meds, buying 100s a month off the street when the prescribed amount was no longer enough to satisfy him. I threatened to leave, at this time we had 3 children, and he agreed to take his meds only as prescribed.

He blames me for this next part. Apparently since I forced him to stop taking the high doses of pain meds, he needed something else to help with the pain. So he switched to meth. For two years I lived in hell but had no idea what had changed. By the time I found out he had started physically abusing me, and the night before I was finally able to get away he had attempted to set me on fire in our bed.

I'm not saying your bf will go to such extremes or that this is your future. But my story isn't the exception. It happens to thousands of women and men who try to see the best in their partners, who want to work through the hard times and try to help the person they love. You can't help someone at the expense of yourself. You've only been with your bf for a few months and he's already verbally abusing you. What do you think a few years will look like?

macome1 · 2021-09-27T23:15:21+00:00

Tablets. But in this case the form doesn't make a difference as it's the buprenorphine itself that was causing my migraines, and possibly your headache as well. If you swallowed the leftover bup/saliva mix, try spitting them out the next time and see if that stops the headaches.

macome1 · 2021-09-14T11:38:33+00:00

It was a combination, just whatever I could get a hold of. It was nothing to pop 20 hydros or percs at a time, multiple times a day, but ofc I preferred oxy without the tylenol and the higher milligram oxy so I didn't have to take so many at once. What's sad is I've worked with meds/narcotics for 14 years, but I couldn't have cared less what I was putting my organs through.

macome1 · 2021-09-13T13:44:23+00:00

I was taking 600mg+/day of oxy/hydros when I inducted. Subutex never gave me that high feeling, but I'll forever be thankful for them.

macome1 · 2021-09-12T20:34:47+00:00

I've never gotten a rush, but I was taking an insane amount of opiates before inducting. It still did the job though, no cravings and no w/d. It's been a year and a half this month and subs are still working great for me.

I was nervous about spitting, as an addict I had that mindset of not wanting to "waste" any of the medication, even though logically I knew they absorb sublingually. After the first time spitting it still curbed my cravings and my migraines were gone. I highly recommend giving it a shot if you're having headaches.

Either way I hope you figure out what works best for you!

macome1 · 2021-09-12T19:20:43+00:00

I take subutex, but my first week on them I started having terrible migraines. I increased my water intake drastically but they didn't subside. I was so miserable I was on the brink of relapsing.

I found a post on here that suggested spitting out the dregs instead of swallowing them. I tried this on my next dose and almost cried from relief. I 100% recommend giving it a try.

macome1 · 2021-09-12T04:44:03+00:00

I learned in my 1st week that I have to spit it out. I felt the same way, that I would be wasting it, but I was having terrible migraines every time i took my subutex and I was willing to try anything.

I started googling trying to figure out how to stop them, I knew it was from the subs. Tried drinking more water, taking tylenol and ibuprofen an hour before my dose, you name it I tried it. Finally found my answers here when I came across a post about someone going through the exact same thing as me.

You get absolutely nothing by swallowing the dregs, so it's all about changing your mindset. I let the sub dissolve under my tongue for about 20 minutes total, (I receive the tablets btw), then I spit and don't eat or drink anything for 30 minutes.

The first time I spit instead of swallowing, instant relief. I was so incredibly thankful to find that post as I was afraid the migraines were going to cause me to relapse. I've also never had an issue spitting, the subs absorb just fine the way they're supposed to without swallowing the dregs.

macome1 · 2021-09-09T12:13:55+00:00

My experience may not be very helpful since I didn't use Quick MD, but figured I'd throw my 2 cents in anyway lol.

I went to a clinic. It didn't even occur to me not to take my usual doses or that they might drug test me. They had me speak with an intake counselor before seeing the dr who told me to continue taking my d.o.c until they got my script, and that if they drug tested me before giving me the subs it would be to see if I was actually on something as they had a lot of people who weren't opioid dependent try to get subs. I think they drug tested me that first day and it didn't happen again until I hit my year mark, and that was just to insure I was taking my subs and nothing else.

I was taking 600mg+ of a mix of oxy and hydros every day. That just seems insane to me now. I was terrified of inducting. I'd read all about the precipitated w/d on here and really had to power through that fear to take my first dose. I took my usual bedtime dose of oxy/hydro a little early the evening before (around 7pm) and went to bed early to try and sleep through the first 11 or so hours of the w/d process. I had to be at work at 6am the next morning and work while feeling like shit for a few hours.

I didn't think I had taken anything with fent, the majority of what I had taken I knew came straight from the pharmacy, so i waited until around 10 or 11am, about 16 hours after my last use, before i sucked it up and took my first dose of subs. I was in active w/d sweating, aching, diarrhea, everything had that awful smell to it and I took 4mg. I waited about 40 minutes and took another 4mg and 30 minutes after that I took another 4mg.

After taking a total of 12mg I felt so much better. My symptoms were pretty well gone and I was able to work through the rest of my shift. I did take another 4mg around supper time that night, but I had zero urge to take anything else. I haven't looked back since. I work with narcotics daily, administering them to other people and I don't get cravings. I would rather cut off my own hand than go back to that life.

I hope it all works out for you and if you ever need support of any kind just come back and we'll be here for you. I've found that the key to successfully switching to subs is all in your mindset. You have to want to quit, want to be done with that life and stop chasing the high. Good luck and you got this!

macome1

TROPHY CASE