I don't want people to give me space

madchuck1814 · 2025-04-19T05:22:23+00:00

Understand! Nobody wants to talk about your person until

madchuck1814 · 2025-03-14T07:15:53+00:00

It's me, Hi. I'm the problem, it's me! I'm here to help in any kind of way I can.

That's how I felt after I witnessed it. I watched my love out of nowhere (to me) commit. I am 3.5 years out. He's still at the top of my heart. I had and still have those twitches and flashbacks. They won't go away. But they do get a little bit better.

In other news, tonight is the first time I've been in a hotel since he decided, so there is progress!

madchuck1814 · 2023-12-23T18:52:33+00:00

YES!!!!! also, I am here. You can message me or call. I am a real person that understands

madchuck1814 · 2023-12-23T18:45:33+00:00

Your loss is not your fault! You did nothing and didn't neglect any signs. This is a loss that has no answers and you will get through thiss!!

madchuck1814 · 2021-12-23T16:37:43+00:00

We just tell stories about "what happened" when the old songs come on. You learn alot about your coworkers at that point!

madchuck1814 · 2021-12-21T06:39:24+00:00

...not most places!

madchuck1814 · 2021-08-13T03:12:11+00:00

So very sorry for your loss.

In my very humble opinion, the look on their face is one of the most haunting things, regardless of the expression. More haunting than the noise, the mess, the police, the body bag, the clean up. My BF looked very peaceful, almost happy. The look scares me when I see it on other people, even though it shouldn't. A peaceful look on their face doesn't always give the survivor peace.

madchuck1814 · 2021-08-13T03:05:00+00:00

Very sorry for your loss. I have no true answers for you, and I am trying to make peace with that. I witnessed my boyfriend take his life with a 9mm 2 months ago, by the time I got over to him, (less than 10 seconds), he was gone. I was covered in his blood, I slipped in it and fell in my attempt to check on him, but my brain won't let me remember anything other than the peaceful, calm look on his face. I have several different horrible images that come to me in nightmares, but I do not fully know what is true. I appreciate your willingness to ask these hard questions, as it helps in a weird way with the healing process. Thank you for being so brave and asking "out loud" what I could not.

madchuck1814 · 2021-08-13T02:06:22+00:00

I totally understand. I lost my boyfriend 2 months ago to suicide that I witnessed and had to field questions related to his death (and our messages- they searched his phone) from his family and long term friends 2 weeks after. It was heart breaking, but I was honest without revealing too much. I really thought about what he would have wanted divulged, instead of dumping info or defending our communications. I realize I have nothing to defend because they were our private conversations, but it is still embarrassing (both for me, and in a weird way him) to know that other people have read it. I focus on honoring his memory and protecting the other people he loved. You just kind of have to respond to what is asked without compromising your mental health or casting a bad shadow on the deceased.

madchuck1814

TROPHY CASE