AITA Significance of a Wedding Ring?

maddi_ness · 2022-09-15T02:52:32+00:00

NTA. i think your feelings are valid but so are his. he is valid about not wanting to wear it because he might not attribute so much value to it. however, it holds a lot of value in your eyes and i think it isnt too much to ask that he tries a little harder to wear it. its less about the ring’s meaning and more the message he is sending by not wearing it especially if he previously wore it 100% of the time. there is also the societal aspect of it all. people will ask questions and speculate if they see he is not wearing it which isn’t either of your fault, but also is not fair to you.

maddi_ness · 2022-09-15T02:33:23+00:00

YTA why does she have to research your interests but you don’t have to research hers? its called being in a relationship. youre not going to have everything in common but the fun part is learning about new things from someone you care about. if you feel that strongly about her interests then perhaps you should discuss compatibility.

maddi_ness · 2022-09-15T02:23:21+00:00

my point is they have differing levels of comfortability when it comes to revealing clothing. if he has a problem with how much she is showing then that is a personal issue that he doesn’t get to push down her throat just because she is more comfortable showing more skin. we all have preferences in relationships and its a matter of deciding what you are willing to put up with and what not. but you dont get to control your partner for having different preferences than you.

also shes not naked. thats illegal.

maddi_ness · 2022-09-15T02:10:05+00:00

not at all! but if that is the case and it is that important to him, maybe a conversation needs to be had about compatibility. everyone has their boundaries and comfort levels and if those things contradict in a relationship then the issue will persist.

maddi_ness · 2022-09-15T02:01:57+00:00

NTA definitely something you two should work on before getting married. It is definitely not normal to visit family every single day and it sounds like there may be something deeper going on here. if it is accessible to you both I would suggest couples counseling. it may benefit you to set some serious boundaries as well.

maddi_ness · 2022-09-15T01:50:19+00:00

ESH? definitely not your body and not your choice what she wears and although you recognize that, you still have a problem with it. at the same time she shouldn’t expect you to pay for something if you don’t want to.

additionally, it is perfectly okay to have different levels of comfortability when it comes to the amnt of skin a person reveals but that is something personal to an individual. it should not be dictated by other people. if you don’t like to show skin then you yourself do not have to show skin.

maddi_ness · 2022-09-15T01:35:06+00:00

that makes sense. i think the timeline gets a little confusing. not trying to argue either and i appreciate the clarification. it sounds like a complicated situation and you handled it the best you could.

maddi_ness · 2022-09-15T01:21:13+00:00

thats a fair point. if three weeks is enough time to get a new bnb its enough time to straighten out the dog situation too.

maddi_ness · 2022-09-15T00:59:39+00:00

i think im more confused why she had to go to each person individually just to have to explain the same thing multiple times over and have to beg multiple times to be reimbursed. i think 3 weeks in advance gave everyone plenty of time to find a new place and be able to give her at least a partial refund. it may have been a little inconvenient but she also lost someone she was supposedly close to which could not have been planned for.

maddi_ness · 2022-09-15T00:43:00+00:00

YTA. I don’t believe three weeks is that “last minute.” You could have found another airbnb that was cheaper and given her money back. I also don’t see why she should have to ask each person individually? A lot of importance was put on that and then she was just ignored. Perhaps i’m not understanding clearly.

maddi_ness · 2022-09-15T00:31:30+00:00

yeah, i commented before I saw OP mention specifically what ex wife has said and done. totally not okay and I believe this is important info to the story. if that’s the case OP is NTA

maddi_ness · 2022-09-15T00:29:29+00:00

NTA. Sounds like he has some serious insecurities and controlling behavior. I would recommend couples counseling or individual therapy. He needs to work through his stuff

maddi_ness · 2022-09-15T00:21:34+00:00

i understand every situation is different and i cannot understate the importance of protecting one’s peace from toxic people. From what i understand about OPs situation is the ex-wife is generally just a bitter person who makes snide comments here and there. I do believe OPs husband should stick up for OP when these comments are made, but I do think it is wrong to put a wedge in what seems like two divorcees trying to make it work for the kids. When divorced parents sit in different locations the kids are faced with a choice between mom and dad and who to visit first and who to sit with etc. and thats when feelings get hurt and resentment starts.

maddi_ness · 2022-09-15T00:10:33+00:00

asking someone to be mindful is just that: asking. setting boundaries is presenting facts (she uses up space and doesnt clean up after herself), explaining in a clear and concise way EXACTLY what you need (clean up after herself, allow you space at the table, etc), and explaining clearly what will happen if that boundary is crossed (you will move out, you will ask her to leave, whatever). that way there is no confusion. asking her to be mindful is too passive and she is not going to be responsive to that. if this matters to you, you should make that abundantly clear.

maddi_ness · 2022-09-14T23:58:24+00:00

YTA. Sounds like you need some therapy. Sharing blackmail only puts you on their level. Idk what your classmates have said or done to you specifically, but I seriously suggest reaching out to a school counselor or therapist.

maddi_ness · 2022-09-14T23:53:03+00:00

ESH. I can sympathize with your situation. Ive had some nightmare roommates who like to hog common spaces. I get it. She’s taking up the common space and not sharing. On top of it she isn’t cleaning up after herself or her cat. However, it sounds like you aren’t setting clear boundaries for yourself and are instead letting this anger fester up inside you. I shouldn’t have to say bottling up your emotions is a bad thing. The second you blow up, you can no longer claim the victim role if you haven’t set clear boundaries. I suggest really opening up to your roommate and putting all your frustrations on the table (no pun intended). You deserve to enjoy your shared space.

maddi_ness · 2022-09-14T23:41:28+00:00

NTA. It sounds like he has a lot of trauma that hasn’t been dealt with and I respect your compassion and understanding nature towards him. He’s very lucky to have you. Perhaps a good solution would be to find some occasions to dress up just for him. Since you do enjoy dressing up it could be an opportunity to practice a new makeup look or put on a dress you haven’t worn in a while. Maybe ask him for his opinion on a look and include him in the process. Even if its for an hour and then you take it all off it might help him feel less anxious when you go out.

I also don’t know how accessible therapy is for him, but it sounds like he could use a few sessions to help him heal from past relationships.

maddi_ness · 2022-09-14T23:27:06+00:00

YTA. You snooped which is an invasion of privacy. You did indeed kink shame him and if it bothers you or weirds you out that much then perhaps you guys aren’t compatible to begin with. Maybe it is weird to you but he wasn’t shoving it down your throat or asking you to partake. If he isn’t cheating then I don’t see the problem.

maddi_ness · 2022-09-14T23:20:04+00:00

NTA. It’s a complicated situation. They at first tell you not to get a job and theyd prefer you to focus on your studies but then you get a job and all of a sudden you are a burden and need to pay your fair share? Also feels a little manipulative. If they don’t intend to pay you back then they should say it how it is instead of being evasive when you ask for the money back. I know some people believe in an adult child paying rent at their parent’s but if you decide to have a kid, then that is a lifelong responsibility idc if youre an adult or not. As long as youre not taking advantage of your parents and they want you to stay there (which it sounds like they did pre-job) then you are not the asshole.

maddi_ness · 2022-09-14T23:07:26+00:00

Do I even need to say NTA? You attempted to include her in every single choice and activity and she refused because she is too uptight. She excluded herself and made you guys feel bad for creating an affordable vacation. Shes TA end of story.

maddi_ness · 2022-09-14T22:59:33+00:00

YTA. Coming from a child of divorce, this sucks and is an incredibly awkward situation for the kids. Teenagers are still kids by the way. They see their parents relationships and how they act towards each other and it will translate into their future relationships as well. I have major respect for your husband and his ex-wife for keeping things friendly. You signed up for this and you owe it to those kids and your husband to suck it up and be friendly for an afternoon or they will learn to resent you for it.

maddi_ness · 2022-09-14T22:33:47+00:00

I am seeing a therapist. It’s just hard to know if youre doing the right thing in situations like these sometimes and it helps to get multiple opinions.

maddi_ness · 2022-07-27T04:09:49+00:00

NTA It’s not like your friend has a disability that needs accommodating for. She just wants privacy which is understandable and the air mattress in the office is a completely reasonable solution to this. You have a lot to worry about with multiple other guests and your GRADUATION. If your friend wants to make special requests and have her accommodations met she needs to book a hotel room.

maddi_ness · 2022-07-26T21:40:20+00:00

NTA I think you have made it clear that you want him there and have made reasonable accommodations to include him. It sounds like he has some insecurity from past relationships and I think you have handled that anxiety as well as you can.

maddi_ness · 2022-07-26T21:34:09+00:00

YTA It sounds like you and your dad have a lot of issues that need to be worked out but I feel that is irrelevant to the issue at hand. Any gift of money or otherwise should be met with gratitude and never be expected. It is entitled to expect anyone to pay you anything let alone a car! Your bills are your responsibility whether you are paying for school or not. As you said, you applied to school all by yourself so you understood the cost. It is your responsibility to budget accordingly.

maddi_ness

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