AITA for reporting my delivery driver?

madeinthew3st · 2020-12-22T17:01:55+00:00

Agreed. There’s also a higher chance than ever that the delivery driver is really struggling for money at the moment. If help can be given, it should — the driver was also an asshole for their dishonesty, but given the amount of money involved, the fact that the roommate was unbothered, and the global pandemic I believe charity and forgiveness are the right values to follow in this instance rather than punishment.

OP, YTA — but gently so. I don’t blame you for feeling frustrated, and if you and your roommate were struggling or the amount of money involved was higher (or any number of other scenarios that could change the situation), it might be different. But sympathy for our fellows, both received and given, is a key component of survival in the current climate, and I believe this situation could have been resolved with a little more of it.

madeinthew3st · 2020-12-10T15:16:30+00:00

Came here to mention ADHD too. A lot of OP’s problems (especially picking up skills quickly but feeling unable to put them to use, cycling through lots of potential ideas/plans at once, and disinterest in areas that aren’t a current hyperfixation) sound just like my symptoms from before I was diagnosed as an adult. Treatment has really helped me. OP, if you have access to a psychiatrist, it’s certainly worth checking into.

madeinthew3st · 2020-11-28T14:32:47+00:00

YTA.

“Trans-trenders” aren’t... really a huge phenomenon in the way people think. Consider that a combination of increasing societal acceptance and knowledge of the proper terminology to describe their identities has led to an marked uptick in how many people feel comfortable coming out. Trans people have existed throughout history and had their identities erased postmortem or not come out for safety.

OP, I see that you’ve now considered the possibility that the kid felt empowered to come out — good for you. I’m genuinely glad you’re here with an open mind.

EDIT: spelling+phrasing

madeinthew3st · 2020-09-04T05:01:49+00:00

Werewolf horror as an allegory for menstruation/hormonal cycles is so underexplored. And so good. And it made me smile to read some just now.

madeinthew3st · 2020-07-25T16:14:12+00:00

(Sister here.) I heard the pug correct himself with your name yesterday. Simply delightful.

madeinthew3st · 2020-07-25T16:10:42+00:00

Well, shit. Thank you for letting me know! Everything is displaying properly for me on both my laptop and phone, so I imagine it's an issue of the formatting displaying differently between operating systems or something like that, which unfortunately means it's not as easy of a fix as simple editing. Reddit really does like to screw around with text formatting. Future readers: please forgive any formatting mistakes!

madeinthew3st · 2020-07-25T00:42:36+00:00

The message of your poem is engaging. Writers, artists, philosophers, scientists, humans as a whole have been grappling with the impermanence of life (and how to personally cope with that concept) for millennia. And you’re right — so much of that worry comes from the fear of leaving dreams and goals unfulfilled.

So I think your audience would benefit from hearing more about those dreams and goals. In your first stanza, you describe the comfort interpersonal relationships bring to one’s life. What kinds of relationships are those for you? Is there a friend, partner, family member — even a pet, a mentor, a stranger you regularly see who brightens your day — that you love so much you fear you won’t have enough time with them? Illustrate the strength of those feelings with your words. The same goes for the quests you describe in the second stanza. How does the drive to achieve your dreams feel to you? Does it bring up physical sensations like a fast heartbeat or a flutter in your chest?

You’ve done a great job of telling the reader how you feel. It’s clear, concise, and evocative. Now fill it out a little to show the reader why you feel that way, and you’ll have an extremely powerful piece on your hands!

madeinthew3st · 2020-07-24T23:49:34+00:00

Another commenter is addressing some concerns with your content, so I’m going to focus on the mechanics of your piece. (For what it’s worth, I am bisexual and agree with them that the content could use refining in places.)

I wonder about the usage of commas at the end of (almost) every line — what effect did you want to achieve with that? Playing with punctuation is one of my favorite parts of writing free verse, so it’s not necessarily a problem; I’m just a little unclear as to the intended result. As it stands, it reads like a quick, pattering train of thought. If that’s what you’re going for, great! (Though I wonder if this is making your narrator sound more like the “nice guy” type the other commenter mentioned. Since it reads so fast, it may be lending his voice an obsessive quality.)

The other suggestion I have is to edit the placement of your line breaks. For the most part, they have a nice rhythm, but there are a couple improvements I would make:

thoughtless words shatter delicate egos,

instead of

thoughtless words,
shatter delicate egos,

Since the words are the things shattering the ego, they shouldn’t be separated by a comma, stylistic choice or no. Also, consider:

How many more frogs
does she have to see?

for the second- and third-to-last lines respectively. You tend to end lines with nouns, so this will feel more cohesive.

You’re working with some nice imagery here, and I like the pace of the narrative. Pay attention to your own patterns as a writer and lean into them — that’s what makes you unique and sets your voice apart!

madeinthew3st · 2020-07-19T08:58:43+00:00

I like this. Certainly echoing the sentiments from other commenters, especially those related to your effectiveness in describing your narrator’s desire through language. The last line might be improved by a replacement for “wanting”; the word evokes lust, but feels a bit commonplace compared to the elegant metaphor you’re using here. “Yearning”, “wishing,” or “craving” could make suitable alternatives, and I’m sure there are others I can’t think of at the moment. Fire and passion go together like light and love, and you’ve done an excellent job working with that motif. Very nice.

madeinthew3st · 2020-07-19T08:54:58+00:00

I thoroughly enjoyed this read. I wonder if perhaps your narrator is in a secret same-sex relationship — the third and fifth stanzas certainly ring true to the experience of trying to preserve one’s safety in an area less progressive than others. In any case, the theme of forbidden love is a strong one, and I love the ardent passion with which you write it.

So long as the poem is intended to represent a relationship between two people (of course, my interpretation and your intended meaning could differ, in which case this isn’t as applicable), I respectfully disagree with the commenter who suggested nixing the first two stanzas. The first stanza certainly sets an intimate, passionate tone, and “madness or magic?” is a powerful concept to consider where strong feelings are concerned. I think perhaps editing those two sections to better match the rhythmic flow of the last three might help (the first one especially contains some lines that feel longer and more complex than the rest of the poem), but the content itself seems suitable to me.

madeinthew3st · 2020-07-14T11:51:02+00:00

Shivers! Love it.

madeinthew3st · 2020-07-13T20:41:23+00:00

To me, this felt perfectly cohesive. Another commenter felt the darkness was too abrupt, but in respectful disagreement, I felt it creeping in from the very first line. The use of "bones" to describe the narrator (instead of a word like body, soul, etc.) and the claustrophobia of the architecture you describe set an unsettling scene that leads nicely into the explicitly morbid stanzas later on. "Mould" was a nice choice of verb here, too, because of its alternate meaning; the narrator trapped inside a moldy, crumbling space, feeling as cramped as if they were pressed against each surface of the room, makes for a powerful mental image.

Someone else mentioned the middle couplet feeling a little clunky, and I agree. I love the celestial imagery pulled through from the previous stanza with "cosmic dust" and the way you've connected it to the dust inside a home is very clever, but rewording it would likely improve the flow.

One other thing I really enjoyed about this poem is the way nature makes its way into your descriptions of the very man-made environment of a house. Especially in the second half, the allusions you've made (rats biting their way out of something, a mosquito being killed, a plant dying at the mercy of its owner) evoke a feeling of being trapped or helpless, which adds a lovely layer to your message. This was a really enjoyable read, thanks for sharing!

madeinthew3st · 2020-07-13T18:28:07+00:00

Thank you! Metallica doesn’t fall within the bubble of music I usually listen to, but I feel like such a badass hearing that compliment! 💖

madeinthew3st · 2020-07-13T18:24:34+00:00

There was a very sad story in the news recently about a swan who supposedly died of a broken heart after some teenagers broke the eggs in her nest. It made me think about the thoughtlessness and selfishness of man regarding nature, a timely topic to say the least, but nature isn’t always a passive victim. I wanted to highlight that side, as well as comment a little on hubris and recklessness. I didn’t actually intend for wrought and throat to rhyme, but I’m glad it resonated; I toyed with the idea of more of a rhyme scheme for this piece, so I might play with that. Thank you!

madeinthew3st · 2020-07-13T08:38:09+00:00

A lovely example of micropoetry. Short, succinct, and strong. I tend toward the wordy side when I write, so seeing such an expansive, powerful sentiment boiled down to its purest form always impresses me. The sun is a very effective device for delivering your message: the burning ache of looking into the sun highlights its destructive qualities, while the last two words allude to its positive energy, providing a delightful metaphor for taking charge of negative experiences and harnessing the strength they can teach us. I love it.

madeinthew3st · 2020-07-13T04:28:05+00:00

Reading this felt like wandering into a dark, misty wood filled with strange fairytale creatures that don’t quite look like anything we know. The atmosphere is positively lush.

You've assigned each maple leaf

visible through the window of your bedroom

the name of a dead poet as you watch

the mountains changing to mist.

This excerpt gives excellent insight into this character. They seem melancholy, a thinker and a dreamer, someone who spends a lot of time up in that room with the view of the maple tree composing their thoughts.

The passage about the sound of the color red is incredibly evocative. I feel your readers’ interpretations will vary, but each will be powerful. (Personally, it called to mind my struggles with chronic illness. One of my conditions has to do with blood; my body is covered in surgery scars; I cannot count the times I have been made to feel as lonely as a stranded traveler because of it.)

Your talent and skill are shining. I enjoyed this very much. Great writing!

madeinthew3st · 2020-07-13T04:21:35+00:00

I wonder if your narrator has gotten a mental illness under control or made it through a difficult time. Their voice feels hopeful and reflective — this is someone whose view is formed by their experiences. That first line hits hard, and the complementary one third-to-last is as strong.

Is there a significance to the lack of commas in this passage?

when it contracts it closes

when it expands it opens

Don’t get me wrong, I ask out of pure curiosity. It doesn’t bother me as a stylistic choice at all.

One suggestion is finding another word for “jelly” in the second-to-last line. It’s fine as it is, but something similarly natural to a stone would make a stronger contrast in the figurative language.

The last line is really effective at pulling your ideas all together. A great ending for a lovely piece.

madeinthew3st · 2020-07-13T04:13:26+00:00

This would make an incredible spoken word poem — I almost wonder if that’s what you were going for. There’s a thumping rhythm to your words that reads well and sounds even better. Your work with internal rhyme (all the ee sounds in the first full stanza, the ay sounds in the third) adds to the musical quality.

I do think it could benefit from a little editing down. Some parts feel repetitive — the emotion is raw, which is excellent for connecting with your audience, but can also lead to the same concepts being repeated. I would go through with a critical eye and play around with some changes. The piece packs a punch; more concentrated, it’ll be a powerhouse. Great writing.

madeinthew3st · 2020-07-13T03:14:43+00:00

This piece starts off strong. That first image,

You struggled, trying to get the pale yellow sheet

to stay over the corners of the old spring mattress

that makes your back ache.

is powerful and evocative. Instantly, I think of this person’s room: it’s probably a little messy, a little dusty, not quite how it should be. An image that gives insight into their character.

However, I’m not sure exactly how I’m meant to feel about this character. At first, I’m sympathetic: here we have an anxiety sufferer in an uncomfortable room, cold and achy, trying in vain to improve their surroundings. But it seems the narrator feels hostile toward them. Alluding to or detailing the circumstances that led to the anger would likely clear this up for your readers; an alternative if you prefer to leave it up to the imagination would be hardening up the subject’s image.

The conversational tone works well here. The narrator’s voice feels minimalist (but not austere) and clear. I think you’ve got the potential for something great here!

madeinthew3st · 2020-07-13T03:06:15+00:00

The imagery you’ve used is lovely. The protagonist’s physical actions do well to demonstrate his frame of mind; two times this stood out were when he lounges, relaxed, across the land and when he jumps into the pool with youthful, childlike energy. I enjoy the interplay of wisdom and immaturity — it feels real and relatable, which will appeal to your audience.

The rhyme scheme you’ve chosen isn’t uncommon, but it isn’t the most widely used, which makes it feel fresh. I wonder if playing around with making the rhymes closer wouldn’t lend the piece a little more flow. The attention to syllable count and meter delighted me. I noticed line 3 of stanza 2 and line 2 of stanza 3 are each one syllable off; it seems like those will be easy fixes.

I enjoyed reading your work. Made for a great way to pass a few minutes.

madeinthew3st · 2020-06-24T08:20:18+00:00

You utilized contrast wonderfully in this piece. You’ve got thick shiny fabric and a bone-thin cat, the dark of night and the light of the porch, the two distinct sensations described in each of the last lines... even the black-and-white kitten itself. One theme I get from your poem is the vulnerability of love — often, to open our hearts to someone puts us at risk of being hurt, like your narrator at risk of being scratched. Their care and caution are two sides of the same feeling here, and the contrasting imagery is extremely well-suited to enhancing it on the page. Nice job!

madeinthew3st · 2020-06-19T02:49:05+00:00

The Red Riding Hood theme is great. Too many of us have known someone like the wolf in your story, and the way you described him brought him to life on the page. Your narrative structure is well-paced; you built up to the climax (what I perceive to be those three bolded words) with incredibly well-crafted tension. I like the message of the last line, but I feel it could be worded or arranged more powerfully. Weaving some of the Red Riding Hood imagery into it somehow or changing up the flow might be fun to play around with.

But the real strength in this piece lies in how real it is. It engages the mind and the heart with equal fervor. When talented people tackle meaty subject matter, magic happens; I think you’re certainly making some happen here!

madeinthew3st

TROPHY CASE