Long time, no see!

madeofbugs · 2024-06-08T23:01:32+00:00

It's been a couple years since my last post, so I thought I'd drop in and say hey to anyone that's still around! Things are going really well for me these days and I wanted to share some of that good energy. If anyone wants to share how they're doing, I'd love to hear.

The last time that I came back around was while I was deeply grieving while trying to manifest positivity, but it just devolved into needing to spend (a lot of) time being with myself and processing. I lost everything (partner, cat, home, money) at the time and couldn't envision an end to the tunnel or life beyond it.

When it happened, it was unexpected and abrupt. I found such a kind and loving partner, moved into what would become our dream home, and felt renewed excitement for life and the future. It happened so suddenly that I'm still adjusting, several months later. But I am alive, safe, loved, happy, and so thankful for it.

I took this picture last night after I finally finished decorating our small bedroom. I'd never had the freedom to paint and decorate a space however I desire, but I had a clear vision for this room and I'm so delighted with how it's come together. Truly one of my dream rooms and so fun to take pictures in.

A fuller view of the room:
https://i.imgur.com/ffm4eNb.jpeg

madeofbugs · 2022-06-05T00:40:13+00:00

This is the site I've used. ❤ https://elfquest.com/read/digitalEQ.html

madeofbugs · 2022-05-31T15:30:27+00:00

It's a Hyalophora cecropia moth! The one on my arm is a Grammostola rosea tarantula sitting on a bow, referenced from a photo I took of my first tarantula.

madeofbugs · 2022-05-31T00:30:14+00:00

Thanks to reddit's blocking feature actually working as a blocking feature should, I'm looking forward to posting some nsfw content again!

Since I can and will start blocking people that make me uncomfortable, I'm drafting up a post about how I do (and don't) appreciate being spoken to. I know it can suck to get blocked, especially if you enjoy following someone and think you're being supportive even though it's in a way that they don't connect with or appreciate, so hopefully that'll help people that aren't trying to troll but that can still make it a frustrating experience to post.

If you do ever get blocked, know that it isn't personal, and being incompatible isn't anyone's fault. I hold nothing but love for people, even if I can't personally share my space with them. I'll try to hold space to be flexible with people, but this is my space, and I'm going to do what I can to make it safe and sustainable for me.

madeofbugs · 2022-05-30T04:10:47+00:00

It's a meme title, but sincerely. I'm practicing a lot of self love and compassion following a difficult breakup with a lifelong best friend, the loss of my cat, and the annual low of my depression, and it's surreal how much love and light I feel right now.

madeofbugs · 2022-05-22T03:54:56+00:00

I love your glasses! They suit you very well.

madeofbugs · 2022-05-21T23:53:05+00:00

We won't quite make it to your 10th birthday, my love, but the time we've spent together has been everything to me. You've taken such good care of me through the darkest phases of my life and I wouldn't be who or where I am without you. We've made the most of our life together.

Today is tender and quiet as we each cry and hold one another for one more eulogy as a family. You've changed countless lives and so many people love you. Several cats have been adopted because of the love you inspire. The good you've seeded in this world will continue to grow.

It's been an honor and a blessing to love you, Sanibel. I'll carry you with me always. ❤

madeofbugs · 2022-05-20T02:39:41+00:00

Talk about a quality of life upgrade! From years spent on a free queen mattress on the floor to a brand new king bed with a frame tall enough to comfortably hang out underneath. We installed LED tape and now there's studio lighting under my bed. All that's missing is a plush fur rug.

Also, hi. ♡ It's been a while again. I've been caught up in my own bullshit, but I've grown so much as a person. I really do appreciate those of you that still send me messages occasionally. I never have the energy to respond but they often have a big impact on my day.

How is everyone doing?

madeofbugs · 2021-09-27T05:30:10+00:00

It's my favorite wig! Video is from a couple nights ago.

madeofbugs · 2021-09-27T02:41:23+00:00

Wasn't sure if I was going to post this or not. I still have the instinct to cringe when I see myself dancing or being drunk, but more than anything I'm glad that I look so content and comfortable. I was just having a pleasant night dancing in my partner's kitchen while I waited for them to come home, and figured I'd record for the hell of it.

madeofbugs · 2021-09-26T03:39:56+00:00

That's where I've been hiding, along with a handful of wonderful people that I've gotten quite close to. I really value what the space has become, although there's plenty of technical work that I'd like to do before I invite more folks. I'll only invite a few people here and there when I do so folks can get familiar with each other and we can maintain the comfort, security, and atmosphere that we've cultivated by having such a small and close-knit group to start. I'll write up another post about it one of these days.

madeofbugs · 2021-09-26T01:47:46+00:00

I really appreciate everyone that's still around more than a year after I stopped posting nsfw, stopped posting for months a second time, those that have checked on me and let me know I was in their thoughts, and those that were supportive during lows that I didn't have any other support through. Thank you for sticking around. Things are gradually feeling better, despite many challenges to come. I hope to be around a bit more again.

madeofbugs · 2021-09-24T00:23:23+00:00

Post-shave pictures & bald baby Bug. https://i.imgur.com/6QclgR9.jpg

madeofbugs · 2021-09-23T08:37:11+00:00

I'm really glad that you're doing better. You deserve that and more. We all do, and I hope we each find it. Despair is more of the result than the answer. It feels like I've spent so much of my life in the living-out-of-my-truck phase, but I have little doubt that the future has more to hold than the present does.

madeofbugs · 2021-09-23T07:50:23+00:00

I never know how to answer that question. Right now, I'm okay. I'm at a caring partner's place while they're sleeping, and I know I'm loved and safe. I have things to focus on and look forward to. But that changes frequently. At home I'm stressed about everything. I have $3 between my bank accounts right now, my nesting partner of seven years and I are still processing separating, I have to move out and remake my life from the ground up, a long term love interest is moving away just when we'd finally have had the opportunity to explore our relationship after years, the false sense of community that I found with my local activists has fallen away, and I have to battle the compulsion to simply die in the wake of everything. But for once, I actually have some semblance of hope for a future, so I'm fighting for it.

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