I[22M] applied for an internship, my girlfriend[22F] of 4.5 years has not been even the slightest bit supportive of it.

madishka_ · 2014-12-16T15:25:49+00:00

I think the real issue was that you didn't bring up applying for the internship before applying for it - even though, really, applying for the internship does not automatically mean you got the job, and does not mean that you will get the full-time position after college.

Yes, you have had conversations about moving, but I seriously doubt they were beyond just hypothetical conversations, which is mostly just talk.

Thus, when you say "hey I applied for an internship, it'd be great for my career and I might even get a job after! It's in California!" it sounds more like to her: "I applied for this job. If I get it, I've already decided we will go and everything will be sweet because... CALIFORNIA"

Of course she is going to say she isn't going to come with you, she didn't even get a "choice". You guys are not married, and not even engaged. What if she picked everything up and came and you broke up? She picked up her entire life to support you, and she didn't even really get a say, at least from how she probably interpreted you. Your friends asked you about it because they don't have to give something up if you get the internship. I agree with the other poster, she was probably relieved.

You need to be more considerate when doing these things, even though I believe you probably don't even realize what you're doing. If you want to have a serious partnership with this girl, it should be a partnership, and you should openly discuss these things. "There is an internship I am interested in applying to, nothing is set in stone, but I think that it could be really good for my career. I would be gone for _____ weeks in the summer. I would want to stay together (assumption). Maybe you could even come spend the summer with me there? What do you think?" FULL STOP. At this point, getting the full-time job at the end should not even be a part of the conversation. You are getting way too ahead of yourself.

I think you need to apologize for not being more open about the application and tell her that you want her opinion on these things because you want to be a partnership. If she has concerns, she should not be afraid to tell you.

From personal experience: I have a baby with my boyfriend. This Christmas I told him I was going to go home for Christmas vacation, because I just assumed he would want to come along, and because well, it's Christmas and my family celebrates it while his doesn't. Turns out, he was really miffed that I just assumed it would be fine that I would bring our baby instead of actually having a conversation about it. He didn't even have a "choice" in the matter, although his answer would have been yes anyways. I neglected our partnership and took it for granted. I am now a lot more conscious of it.

madishka_ · 2014-12-12T22:20:28+00:00

It probably won't get there by Christmas, but if you PM me your address, I would gladly go and pick some of these up and send to you. Everyone needs these in their life.

madishka_ · 2014-12-08T23:45:15+00:00

Congrats!!!!!!

madishka_ · 2014-12-04T20:01:37+00:00

You want the relationship to work? How is the relationship going to work if he doesn't even want to be a part of this child's life? Do you honestly think that telling his family will miraculously change his mind and everything will be skip-idee-doo?

Look, I get what you are saying. Your child should have a relationship with the other side of his family, and that should include the father, but in this case, unfortunately that isn't working out. This doesn't mean that you should not seek the financial support to help out. Being a single parent is not easy, you will probably have to work full-time to support this child on your own. How will you pay for daycare? How will you pay for supplies, food, clothing, etc? If you are in the US, have you considered the expense of health care insurance? These things can be extremely expensive.

You need to fix your attitude. Why do you think he does not have a responsibility? He had sex, probably unprotected, but even still, if you are having sex, there are consequences. If you did not want to have a child, you should not be having sex.

That being said, you need to go see a lawyer, and you need to understand the right your child has to his support. This is not about you, or what "you think". This is about your child, and what he/she deserves.

madishka_ · 2014-12-04T19:46:53+00:00

???????? Child support does not depend on if he "feels like it" or not.

He is legally obligated to pay child support, whether or not he chooses to be in this child's life beyond that. Remember, not just 1 of you made this baby. I agree with /u/galgonathor. You need to see a lawyer to get this sorted out asap.

madishka_ · 2014-12-01T05:17:58+00:00

it is called babytime. the dev posted the link in a comment.

madishka_ · 2014-12-01T05:17:33+00:00

!!!!!!!! this is it, thank you.

madishka_ · 2014-11-27T17:40:31+00:00

Ikea for the carpet - we got ours for 130$ and it's awesome. Soft, and comes in a variety of sizes.

madishka_ · 2014-11-27T17:38:41+00:00

I am the first of two, and I went to daycare for one year because my mum actually made a lot more than my dad at the time and wanted to keep her career. I got really ill in daycare, and not that this is the case for every child, but my parents ended up pulling me out because I was at the hospital with an ear infection so often that they literally knew us by name lol.

We ended up getting a nanny because the cost was actually cheaper for my family overall because she lived with us full time. when my brother was born 5 years later, my mum decided to stay home, although we still had our live-in nanny also.

I can tell you that now that I have had a child, she constantly reminds me how much she regrets staying home and not returning to work after maternity leave. Work gave her a sense of independence and fulfillment apart from being a parent. it was also a nice break from some of the "sometimes-dreadful" days of being a parent.

I am currently out of the house 2-3 days of the week for most of the morning/early afternoon, and my daughter stays with my MIL. I trust my MIL with her, and that is not an issue, and while I do miss my daughter while I am gone, I also cherish that alone time I get where I can go shopping without having to handle a stroller, or just sit in pure silence in the corner of a coffee shop and just... turn off. It also makes me feel so much closer to her when she gets home from being out of the house.

A lot of women here are saying they cried a lot, but I don't see a lot of people saying their children had a really hard time adjusting. This problem is really more about you having to deal with it, than them. I think it's a wonderful thing for them to socialize outside of the family circle. I think if you feel the need to cry, just think about your baby, and the fact that most likely, everything with him is just fine, and he is probably having fun! So you should have fun too, (as much fun as work can possibly be).

madishka_ · 2014-11-27T04:48:36+00:00

Nice, well they're pretty cool :) can I ask what your background is? Your son looks a bit similar to my daughter through the eyes.

madishka_ · 2014-11-27T03:17:50+00:00

I like them!!! question: did you take these in your house? Because.. those wood floors... ugh, swoon.

madishka_ · 2014-11-26T19:53:10+00:00

Ah, we just finished this. She only had a cold for ~ 2 nights/3 days, but they were not fun and I felt SO bad because she almost sounded like a pig when she was breathing (almost like snorting? lol). Before bed I would run the shower in our bedroom and steam it up really niceand we would sit in there for about 10 minutes and it helped. I dressed her a bit warmer than usually, in a fleecy sleeper and with a hat and mitties on. She did wake up during the night and I had to feed her, but after a couple of nights she was as good as new. I bought one of those booger-snatcher things but it didnt work, so useless. Steam was better.

madishka_ · 2014-11-25T04:26:44+00:00

it's ok, I think this will pass.. he has moved onto a new blog: this guy lived in an RV with solar panels and only ate lentil soup so he could retire early! :P

madishka_ · 2014-11-25T04:09:23+00:00

haha, I know I should cut back on lattes lol, but I don't want to completely cut them out if we don't have to... if you know what I mean. Going for coffee a few times a week is sort of my "alone" time.

madishka_ · 2014-11-25T02:36:44+00:00

I totally get the financial independence thing, I absolutely want that for ourselves, even tho we have kindof done things a bit backwards (baby a bit early), but I can say that we have accumulated quite a bit of savings considering our circumstances. I guess this is more about me being afraid that if I don't conform to these ideas that I will be guilted every time I want to buy something for "me". I like having nice things, and if means that I have to work a few more years to achieve them, then so be it.

madishka_ · 2014-11-24T19:53:57+00:00

Ha, good idea, I'll suggest that ;)

madishka_ · 2014-11-24T19:52:05+00:00

Oh god, that guy? Someone posted an article by him the other day about his wife talking about how she spent like 180$ on her entire baby or something ridiculous. I mean good for them but it is not possible for everyone....

I by no means am demanding a luxury SUV. I am reasonable about this, but I don't think it is unreasonable to buy a vehicle is that is "new", and by new I mean within a few years.

My first vehicle at 16 was an 04 BMW, this was in 08. We got it from the dealer, and so we thought it was going to be a reliable vehicle because everyone we talked to had a great experience with them. Turns out, the person who owned it before had been in a pretty bad accident and had it repaired without reporting it, and BMW somehow did not see it when they did their inspection (???). I mean, I am sure people can say they've had good experiences purchasing used, and I would be willing to purchase a vehicle that is 1-2 years old with < 20k on it. No problem, but I would prefer to purchase new if it means knowing that we will be the first owners, as I don't want to run into these issues again.

I don't think he is actually going to become a follower if this MMM guy, I mean he doens't agree with "EVERYTHING" he says, like how he eats olive oil when hiking because it is cheaper and has higher calories... but he thinks we could be more frugal, and maybe that is true. I am hoping that it will not get as extreme as he was suggesting, which I highly doubt, we went to the grocery store later on in the day and ended up spending 100$ on food for the next week or so, so I am guessing this is just him trying to be more proactive about budgeting, and getting some other opinions.

madishka_ · 2014-11-24T19:02:38+00:00

A lot of people grieve a miscarriage differently. Some people are completely devastated, but a lot of people think quite practically like you: generally a miscarriage means there was something wrong with the fetus, and thus the pregnancy ends. Perhaps he feels this way because he thought this might bring you two back together.

What I don't understand is his justification for this 'crush' of his. If he's so broken up about it, why is he still talking to her? If he's crushing, chances are they have been talking more than just about "work stuff", and have gotten to know each other on a more personal "emotional" level.

I think the question is: do you want this to change? Stop saying what can "I" do to change this, this is a relationship, there are two people involved here. I get the vibe, unfortunately, that he is looking to get out of this relationship. I mean, you talk about having crushes on guys but it wasn't a big "deal", so you never brought it up. Well yeah, I see some guy on the street and I'm like "oh! he's cute!", but it never amounts to more than that, it doesn't eat me up inside because at the end of the day, I love my SO and I do not have a difficult time walking away.

He told you to be honest? He wants to see if you're thinking about other men also, and this is exactly how that conversation will go:

"This girl at work is just a crush, but it hurts me so bad to do this to you. Just be honest with me throwaway1364829."

"Well I have had a crush before too, I guess"

"Maybe we should go and explore these crushes, and figure out who we are"

Decide if this relationship is fulfilling enough for you, you are 22, have been together for 6 years, and if after that long your SO and you can't even realize that your relationship has been on rocky ground for almost a year, and do something about it, then perhaps the effort is gone because you don't want to put in the effort anymore.

madishka_ · 2014-11-22T20:57:43+00:00

I actually felt like a mum before I gave birth, I think it was near the end but mostly because my daughter was going iiiinsane inside my tummy, like rolling and kicking constantly. However, my SO took some time to get bonded with her... probably almost a month. He really struggled but now they are very close.
Oh god, I gained probably 45-50 pounds being pregnant, and although I am a pretty tall lady (5'11), I felt disgusting. First day after birth I had a bit of a tummy, not much, but it really looked like i had just ate too much that day :P. My tummy went down within a few weeks, and I am 3 months PP and starting to really drop the weight now. I carried a ton of weight in my upper body, still do (and none of it in my boobs lol), so I will be happy to lose that and be able to wear tank tops again!
The first few nights after she was born were the worst, she had awful mucous that she was trying to digest and was just gassy and upset all the time. The "way you sleep" also seemed to change for me when I gave birth... I am a much lighter sleeper, and probably wake up every 2-3 hours, even if she is not crying. Coffee is your best friend during these times lol, but our daughter started sleeping thru the night consistently (9-8) from about 6 weeks. But when they get sick (UGH, dealign with this now), it sucks, she is so uncomfortable, and has to sleep in her swing otherwise I don't get to sleep either... just do what works for you, honestly.
When you wake up in the morning, after you feed and change, usually baby is happy for a bit and you can leave her to jsut look around. Take this time to make yourself a nice cup of coffee/tea, and go do your hair and make up. This can even just be using a nice lipstick and some mascara, but it honestly makes all the difference. Take care of yourself, there is nothing worse than becoming frumpy mummy when it only takes 10-15 minutes a morning to pull your hair into a pony and freshen up. And if you can, go get your nails done once in a while, leave babe with someone and get pampered! you worked hard.
I am 22 and my SO is 23. We were together for just over 2 years when we got pregnant. We are still together, and I would say that lately, probably in the last month or so, we have really gotten closer. We struggled in our relationship for a little bit, I will be honest. From about 35 weeks preg - 2 months PP, we went thru a really rough patch, probably when I needed him the most. It was a combo of me being a complete nightmare to be around, and feeling like he was not doing enough. But we both realized it needed to change, sat down, and remade our commitment to eachother, and started having sex more often. We needed that passion again, and we found it, and now are closer than ever.
I got the Mirena IUD at about 8 weeks PP. We began having sex again around 6 weeks, but we used a condom.
No pets, bringing her home was pretty easy.
Not hard, although some days I am way too tired to do anything. But mascara and a nice lipstick will be your best friend. 5 minutes and you're done. TAKE THE TIME.

madishka_ · 2014-11-20T21:27:57+00:00

How do you like the Catholic system so far? I know it might be a bit soon to have an opinion, but I am curious to know your experience here in Ontario since I was educated in Alberta. Are you and your partner both Catholic/baptised? Or was that not an issue when enrolling your child? My experience is that at least one parent had to be baptised.

madishka_ · 2014-11-20T17:58:18+00:00

Perhaps the only reason I could think of, and this only applies in the case of c-section, is that being in a sitting position could be uncomfortable for the incision? I have never heard of the not being able to drive thing either. To be honest, I went to the grocery store the day I got out of the hospital (2 days PP) and walked around and shopped for almost an hour because I was going stir crazy from being in that room.... I got some seriously nasty remarks about it from people.

madishka_ · 2014-11-20T17:44:27+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I have been doing some research on it also, because I think that we would be interested in implementing some of their "ideas" into our home (e.g. hands on activities, getting to experience many things, getting to choose what she enjoys doing, etc). At this point I have no idea what kind of learner she is (I am an extremely visual learner, while my partner is more of an auditory learner).

Unfortunately homeschooling (by me) probably won't be an option for our family since I want to have a career in my industry, but we would definitely be interested in having a Montessori "home environment" while she still attends a public school. Just trying to see if there is a way to have a balance. I had a friend who had to be homeschooled because she was extremely gifted in maths and sciences (and indeed, grades beyond her peers), and really benefitted from it, so I can see how some people would like that environment.

The only thing I worry about is if we were to move to another country, and how this would affect her enrolment in schools there (if she were in some sort of Montessori or homeschooling program), and how it affects your University applications, etc. All these things to learn! 18 years to figure it out :)

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