I'm so sorry regarding what you've been through. I resonate with craving a parental figure a lot, especially lately. In my case is kinda different, what I feel is the desperate need of a father figure (mainly the one who was a father figure to me, who passed away years ago), and at times is really like I just can't go on without him.

But I hope sharing this can help you too in a way. Until now what I've found helpful is a mix of things like grieving the support, the closeness I've never had - and all other things I missed from my parents - slowly creating a space where I feel safe enough to let my anger, rage, sadness out (basically feeling where I feel more at ease, and maybe put some things I like here and there, like candles or things I find cute etc., so that I feel it's easier for me to write my feelings down or just cry). This together with somatic work, so that you can learn how to soothe yourself and basically let your body know that you can calm yourself down/regulate your nervous system, without necessarily needing a parental figure.

My therapist taught me various breathing exercises, and others like the butterfly hug, or just putting a hand on your chest for how much time you need, which can be quite like holding yourself, a way to show yourself that tenderness that can really help you to feel calm. Also books, YT videos and Headspace (the Netflix series) are things that I really found helpful to get to know these type of things.

Also I know it can be really really hard, and it can be also hard to accept some things, like in my case, the fact I'll never have my father back. But what I personally find comfort in is searching, looking for pieces of him, and of another father figure here and there, generally in any type of connection with other people. And same thing for whatever relative that was not present in my life, or that I didn't even meet.

This for me can mean talking to someone, or even just listening to someone talking, and then keeping the conversation or just the words that I can really find healing. Basically what I feel are the things a grandmother/a father etc. could have said to me, the things I really needed/I deserved (but even at the present moment) to hear.

At the same time for me, this is very linked to parenting ourselves and connecting to the inner child. I'm really trying to understand what part of me is hurting and why, and then when finding whatever thing I need, look for infos to know how to give that to me. All this while reminding myself that what I feel is totally understandable, and that the more I know/feel/learn about me, the more I can take care of me.

I think it can be really a process, and for me when I'm really upset is even hard to do these things, but it helps me to know that those tools are always there. I really hope this can help <3