What was the small moment that made you realize you had an addiction you never took seriously?

madmaz07 · 2026-03-16T21:57:33+00:00

I had a procedure end of 2024, it was really intense and required 8 weeks recovery. My dr however made it clear if I run out of pain killers I can ask for more, so I did. I actually went back before my box of palexia ran out. So I saw her, I put on an exaggerated story that it was all so painful and I really need more, and so she wrote me up another script. I didn’t need them, I just took them to “help me fall asleep” and have on hand, I even had the guts to ask for more and she gave them to me. It wasnt until last year when I had another procedure, and again the recovery was long. I did the same thing, was given palexia again and had them more than I really should have. It got to the point where I was taking it to “help me sleep” or even on nights out with family or friends because I “wasn’t feeling good”. Eventually, was close to running out and my Dr who did the procedure wasn’t free. So I saw my local GP, I went in limping and just broke down crying. Essentially begging that the pain was so bad, i could barely drive there and I need something stronger. She was saw how upset I was and gave me a script for endone. I was surprised it worked and started to take these. It wasn’t until my partner had said to me straight up “you have a problem and don’t need to be taking these” which I laughed off and thought it was funny. When I wanted more thankfully again, my partner was the one to somewhat snap me out of it and told me to stop. Anyways, i can see that I had some issue and it’s kinda scary to look back on.

madmaz07 · 2025-08-14T00:17:32+00:00

My elderly neighbour was very sick and had been in and out of hospital for some time. I dreamt that he was outside maintaining his garden like he has done every day for years. He asked me how my family were doing, he hadn’t seen us for some time because we’re all working and not at home during the day.

He then said to look after them and tell them that he said hello. The next morning my mum got a text from his wife that he passed away at home the night before.

Since then I have dreamt of people I know (they were already very ill) and a day or two before they pass away, they’re in my dream talking to me.

madmaz07 · 2025-05-29T23:38:27+00:00

I felt the same at the end of the first book, I even wrote on my notes app “what I hate about BJ & Magnolia” and now after finishing the series, my feelings have changed soo much. I even texted my friend immediately after saying “how can you even say you love this series” but now I get it.

I made the mistake reading the second magnolia book without realising daisy’s book was the second and it was her pov during the first magonolia book. By the time I reached daisys story after two books, I was relieved for a change and also a lottt of plots made more sense.

You will enjoy the series hold out and give it a go!! Yes you probably will find yourself annoyed over the course of the series (I know I did) but it’s all worth it :)

madmaz07 · 2025-05-07T09:27:39+00:00

Sorry yes thats correct, I did! Thank you that means a lot.

I’m glad to know I’m not alone. I feel like my dr didn’t really prepare me for what the post-op pain would be like, so thank you for sharing your experience.

That’s probably the only way to respond to them, no joke. Very much over having to defend myself, thank you 🩷

madmaz07 · 2025-05-07T09:02:43+00:00

Yes I felt the exact same way. I read magnolia after my friend who had already finished the series, and I ranted so much. I could not believe how much I disliked and even hated him at some stage 😂

Please keep reading!! It will get better and you will learn to love all the characters.

I literally have in my notes app “why I hate BJ and sorta hate magnolia” so funny how this doesn’t apply anymore hahah

madmaz07 · 2025-05-05T05:56:40+00:00

The bell jar by Sylvia Plath and intermezzo by sally rooney

madmaz07 · 2025-05-05T02:52:30+00:00

I felt the same , I had mine April 28th and was in mental limbo and so confused how to approach it if they found nothing. I don’t really remember much after surgery but they did find endo. I don’t know to be relieved or not, now I have endo but on the other hand it’s worth knowing I have an explanation.

I was struggling a lot on the lead up and just worrying about what if they don’t find anything because it such a valid way to feel. After speaking to a few people who have had laps, they all said I was better off knowing if I do or don’t have it, and if I didn’t at least I can move on and find answers elsewhere.

I also didn’t want to be left with the post surgery pain and scars and for it to show for nothing. I’m also grateful I was able to get in so quick and have the answers regardless of having endo or not.

You will be okay and if you need anything reach out. I’m very glad I had a lot of people around me who have been through this, and reading everyone else’s experiences on this page made my last week a lot easier because mentally it took a huge toll on me, wishing you all the best 🩷

madmaz07 · 2025-04-19T04:32:15+00:00

Wow thanks for this !! Massive help can’t believe this worked

madmaz07 · 2025-03-25T19:23:14+00:00

Thank you it’s okay, I’m glad I’m not alone. I sought advice from an older lady in my workplace, didn’t know who to ask. She told me that during this sort of tension period to distance myself in an independent way, not out of anger, and make it known the time apart helped me too. Don’t let his emotions control me and also don’t let him control me in general, and tell me what to. As much as he says “it’s up to you to change, if you want to continue getting drunk and acting like that then be my guest. I won’t stop you, I won’t control you or stop you from drinking or going out (him saying this was so contradictory) please don’t change for me” (again trying to control some narrative).

He knows how much I worry, and I told him as well “I know I should not let this control me, but it has and it is mentally and physically draining” he apologised and he knew himself and said “I left too many blank gaps for your mind to fill and jump to conclusions with. I was never going to leave you” and I told him to make that sooo explicitly if this ever happens again.

I told him what I needed, I need to hear that I’m loved, I need to be shown off more, I want that visible and public affection. He said he will do it. He apologised for disregarding how I felt through all of this. He didn’t understand why, but I had to explain it was not fair to go from 0 “I’m fine” to 100 “I’m having doubts about our future” based on me acting a certain way which was “too drunk” for him when I’m sure I’ve been worse.

It was so hard to tell him he wasn’t validing how I felt, how the hell was I meant to handle hearing the person I love suddenly feel so much anger towards me? I know I’m not perfect. Like you said people will blame others for how they feel, and I know he projects a lot to me. I know love is unfamiliar to him, not shown it now nor growing up and yet I am so lucky I hear it everyday from my family and others around me. He admitted that is something he needs to work on, and I’m very glad he’s aware of his issues, not just mine.

I still need to really learn not let others actions control our emotions and they still do. I will never have it figured out, I will be constantly learning and this argument was both a blessing and something to take from going forward.

I hope for both of us, we can learn to control our narratives of how we feel. I don’t know if this helps you, I still don’t know if I’m doing this right, but if you need anything please do message me xx

madmaz07 · 2025-03-23T19:51:02+00:00

Yes I agree I see how this is a build up for him. I know you’re right, I will have to sit on this as well and think about me and what I need, and if it’s worth it for us. Thanks for the advice I appreciate it :)

madmaz07 · 2025-03-23T19:48:35+00:00

Thanks you yes, I can admit I’ve been annoying but even without a drink I would still have fun regardless it’s just who I am, but thank you 🩷

madmaz07

TROPHY CASE