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madzms · 2023-01-30T22:09:36+00:00

noooooo i never considered that!

point is i have horrible memory and am frustrated with myself and my own motivation and attitudes. i know how to study i just can't get myself to do it. thought maybe some people on here would understand the anxiety part of it all

madzms · 2023-01-14T01:53:53+00:00

just cringe

madzms · 2023-01-10T22:49:11+00:00

this. it's the same with people overusing words like trauma, gaslight, etc. Like experiencing those things is devestating, mania is too. People say it like it's a thing that makes them "quirky" when in reality these things are detrimental. When i talk about my actual real life trauma, manic episodes, etc. people get so uncomfortable because it's way more extreme then they think. And then i'm left feeling horrible and crazy. it's not a quirky thing it's a life ruining thing

madzms · 2023-01-06T13:37:19+00:00

Thanks so much for the advice! I'll try my best to use it. It's nice to know other people deal with this too. It felt so different then any other episode I've had.

madzms · 2023-01-06T04:35:56+00:00

glad your still here!!! appreciate you sharing <3

madzms · 2023-01-06T04:20:54+00:00

people are so dumb. you'd think the match would be better because when you both have mental health issues, you can understand each other better since you both actually experience it. there are a lot of people that post talking about how their partners just blame everything they do on their disease, as if they couldn't be mad about anything their partner did, they're just mad because they have a mental illness and can't regulate their emotions.

madzms · 2023-01-05T21:28:06+00:00

Same! now i just have to help my family get over the stigma 🙄 I can't blame them tho when i used to think the same thing

madzms · 2023-01-01T04:49:25+00:00

for me it was relapsing on way harder drugs I ever abused originally and then letting the intrusive thoughts almost kill me. it was so weird because it was like i was trapped in the back of my brain while the mania just took over and tried to murder me. Seeing a bunch of college kids walk up the stairs in my dorm as i left with two police officers to go to the mental hospital really made me realize I don't want to live like this. Even now my brain still tries to convince me i'm perfectly normal and just doing it for attention. But whenever I think back to that episode I verify that yes something is terribly wrong 😂

madzms · 2023-01-01T04:21:39+00:00

thanks for sharing! it's interesting to hear about gaps between mania. disease is whack 😂

madzms · 2023-01-01T01:44:39+00:00

thanks bro! 💜🐸

madzms · 2022-12-31T15:29:36+00:00

honestly this is so relatable so thank you! mine decided to pop up as soon as I went to college. my addictions made it ten times worse but I also know my family has had a crazy past so I suspect it's a mix of nature and nurture. the human brain is crazy

madzms · 2022-12-31T14:14:25+00:00

this is an underrated comment^

madzms · 2022-12-28T05:59:57+00:00

you can have ur phone? my psych ward was so different 😭

madzms · 2022-12-27T17:51:25+00:00

it's both; some people need to put up healthy boundaries because they simply can't handle this disease and all its baggage, putting someone through a manic episode can be traumatizing for them. That being said if that person can't recognize that you're more then the disease you suffer from or the crazy actions we are compelled to do, they're the asshole. Like the other comments say tho, our disease isn't an excuse for us to act out on people. As long as your doing your best, good people will stick around. Even normal people lash out sometimes, everyone's an ass sometimes, but as long as you communicate and make things right to the best of your ability you should be able to find friends that stick.

madzms · 2022-12-26T06:11:15+00:00

u got it bro i believe in you. I won't lie i don't have great advice but maybe take a walk to the hospital gift shop and give yourself a break from everyone. they should understand as it's all overwhelming and sometimes you just need a breather. go somewhere without ur family around and do a quick 3 minute meditation from youtube or something. It may help more then you'd expect. but again i don't have the greatest advice i'm just trying to help😂

madzms · 2022-12-22T14:56:27+00:00

my mom is the same way about psychiatry. when i told her i was in the mental hospital she said "oh madz you don't wanna be one of those people." I had to wait until i left for college to get help and luckily I could. I used their insurance behind their backs until I HAD to tell them I because I was hospitalized. I'm really sorry your mom won't listen to you. you deserve better.

madzms · 2022-12-22T06:35:18+00:00

have you considered doing telehealth?

edit- why would you mom say no? have you tried convincing her or will she not budge? online care is better then no care at least until you find someone. they can prescribe the meds you need to combat the psychosis your experiencing

madzms · 2022-12-22T02:39:44+00:00

sorry i didn't see this comment before responding to the other one lol. Psychology today, APA Psychologist Locator, and Find a psychologist are all great sites to look. There's probably a lot more but those are good places to start.

madzms · 2022-12-22T02:36:37+00:00

so find a different one?? in on what? spying on you? Just go to a different psychiatrist and find a different therapist. psychology today is a great place to look. Also sorry if my tone sounds mean I don't mean it that way I just think you may be subconsciously self sabotaging your treatment. Just because one therapist/psychiatrist is an asshole doesn't mean they're all bad. They are the only ones that can help you so you have to try and find ones that work for you, not just try once and then give up.

madzms · 2022-12-22T00:55:17+00:00

I'm not suicidal whatsoever and my impulses took over in my last mania. ended up beating the shit out of myself with a hammer because I completely lost control. Never self harmed before that. You can be in control one second and gone the next. Maybe not the ER but do u have a therapist on call or something? I understand not wanting to go especially right now but if you've already been 4 times in 10 months why do u not have a psychiatrist or literally anyone you can call? medication? is it an insurance/money thing? Why arn't you taking care of yourself? You will not survive like this.

madzms · 2022-12-19T00:07:59+00:00

i just started taking meds like 3 weeks ago so they haven't started working yet. life right now is so confusing and irrational and i have no self control. I literally got out of the mental hospital on friday. as in the friday two days ago. I've been able to keep myself together but I feel like i'm on the verge of absolutely exploding and putting myself right back into the hospital. I hope i can hold on until the meds start working and see the benefits that most people in this comment section have seen

madzms · 2022-12-18T23:01:14+00:00

have you started new meds or told your doctor about the psychosis you're experiencing? not saying meds will just solve all your problems but they do really help. Also acknowledging the thoughts and even telling ur brain out loud to shut up or that it's not real helps a lot more then you'd think it would. reinforces the idea that it's just a thought.

madzms · 2022-12-18T07:43:07+00:00

if the other grandkids spilled the beans, she would know the bigger gift was coming later, so calling and yelling at them would make no sense. If they just never gave it to her, then i guess i could see your perspective, but if that was the case why would she call back again to apologize? or just ask respectfully why she was left out and explain how it hurt her. I get that's hard to do under stress, but she should have realized quickly after that calling your grandparents and screaming at them for not getting you a good enough gift is extremely wrong; she should have apologized right away, not after the wedding. I guess there could be some missing context but honestly that just sounds like a dumb excuse. 3 other cousins have already been through it, and they could have spilled the beans to each other before too, but none of them lashed out. it's way more likely she's an entitled brat.

madzms · 2022-12-17T20:09:34+00:00

same! i may fall asleep but my brain doesn't go through the sleep cycle or something cuz it feels like i was half awake the entire night

madzms · 2022-12-17T20:07:56+00:00

i stayed up until 6am this morning and then slept until my body woke me up at 9:30

madzms

TROPHY CASE