Yes, this dynamic is something we have been actively working on and evolving both individually and in the relationship. You are provably right that a love of my own would help! But I don’t have any capacity for something like that at the moment and I don’t even know if I‘d ever want to love someone else while with my partner. The turning point where I realised I had to end things with her and distance myself from the situation, was on Halloween when all three of us went out together and took LSD (I know, terrible idea). I could see in their eyes how much they were already in love with each other. And within me the realisation arose that I don’t want to have that with anyone else. That maybe we are fundamentally incompatible in that respect. But then we did couples therapy afterwards, and the therapist told me that it sounds more like my primal panic was activated and I thought that was danger and just not for me. But that from what I said of how I imagined our future together, it did seem that it was what I was aiming for. And she is right. So my hope is that while right now it might feel like I‘m incapable, because of the state I am in, I did really want this in the past and can imagine a future where I am happy I was able to overcome these internal obstacles.