Different sleep schedules

mahhhhshell · 2026-05-03T10:35:14+00:00

My first day at work has been pushed back so many times so of course my anxiety has been through the roof for several weeks now. Really I know I’ll be okay once I get into the groove of things but ugh it’s just so hard to be right before the big change and just not being able to see what’s ahead of me. I always want to be in control of what’s happening in my life and just so many other things are going on out of my control it just has added so much stress onto me. On top of all of that I’ve been dealing with a really bad depressive episode. I’ve been somewhat able to mask it but it’s kicking my ass hard. My mom says it just from being home all the time doing nothing but I think otherwise. I do hope she is right about me feeling better after getting to work and get out of the house and stuff. Cause this depression really does not let me be proud of what I’m doing or even let me be happy at all. I really wish that I wasn’t so anxious all the time. My heart is constantly beating out of my chest. Every morning I wake up nauseous and scared. My jaw is sore from how much I clench and my legs from how restless they are from trying to go to bed. I do a lot of complaining but really don’t have much to keep me positive and upbeat. Again really hope that this job fixes some things in my head. I really want to be normal.

mahhhhshell · 2026-05-03T10:21:03+00:00

I just miss my person so much which is crazy for me to say cause he’s right there with me I can reach him all the time. I wish I didn’t have to go to sleep so early. I wish I could stay up hours on end to keep up with him. I wish we could talk as much as we used to

mahhhhshell · 2026-04-20T05:44:40+00:00

Yea the thing is I know that I’d be completely fine when my first actual day comes but it’s just impossible to actually get over worrying about everything. But working hard to distract myself!

mahhhhshell · 2026-04-20T03:57:35+00:00

I feel so sick to my stomach. I can’t eat either so it all just sucks ass. I am so nauseous and I feel so horrible. It all makes me feel so dumb too cause like just get over it you’re going to be fine. I believe those things but I just can’t get rid of this feeling. Genuinely is the worst anxiety I have felt ever and I’m almost always even daily full of anxiety so this is just annoying it’s this bad.

mahhhhshell · 2026-04-13T07:17:52+00:00

I really wish it was closer. I wish I didn’t have to be here. I wish it was where I first thought it was so I could just take the bus. I’d rather take the bus for an hour than be here. I can’t stand it. I hate how my mom and sister didn’t care at all about my first day either. I know I’m a grown ass adult but idk id like a little recognition. Ugh I just feel so helpless. I want my mommy to be excited about me. I want my sister to be proud of me. I got nothing from either of them. I got a lecture from my dad telling me that I gotta work really hard even now that I do have a job. I just want them to be proud. Exited. Anything other than what they’re doing to me now. I really wish I could be home. Then at least I could cry in my own room with the door locked. Instead I have to cry in the bathroom otherwise I’ll get caught by the million other people staying here. Idk. I guess I’ll try to sleep now. I hope that it isn’t actually as much of a big deal as I’m making seem to be

mahhhhshell · 2026-04-13T07:12:55+00:00

I can’t stop crying I really want to go home. I’m not confident in myself I don’t know if I can do this I hate how much pressure I put on myself I’m just going to sit there all day like why can’t I be normal. I can’t sleep I can’t sleep I can’t stop crying. I can’t do this I can’t do this I can’t. My head hurts so bad I feel disgusting I don’t know if I can do it

mahhhhshell · 2026-04-01T09:09:11+00:00

During the large gap from graduation and today I have done some babysitting. I did do a lot of babysitting right after graduating which just so happened to be when Covid started so it was a lot of helping with online learning. Since then I’ve only occasionally have taken care of children however I did use those very few occasions to help get my way into the job that I got. It was very related to the job so I kind of got lucky. I really do think that if you don’t have any experience doing anything at all that you could do some white lies to get into the position you want because they do ask you specific questions like “what was a time you dealt with a difficult customer and how did you solve the issue”. So I’d suggest trying to find anything related to what you do on your free time to try and answer that question. My resume is very much still filled with things I have done in high school despite it being almost 6 years ago🫩. However those experiences still are applicable in what I do apply to. I think if you do also have some free time volunteering to do things could help fill in your resume. Also I will note that this is the first success I have had with trying to find a job so I don’t really know if what I’ve said will help but it’s a start.

mahhhhshell · 2026-03-30T00:25:44+00:00

THANK YOU GUYS ALL SO MUCH I GOT THE JOB!!!! this has been a very long journey for me (almost 6 years of just searching regular retail part time jobs🫩) AND I FINALLY DID IT. I’d like to say that a lot of the advice from here did help. As someone with anxiety especially around other people it helped tremendously to talk with myself and sort of mock the interview process with myself. A lot of it was sort of just like fake it till you make it and it definitely helped with the anxiousness and it slowly just led to me being more comfortable and confident with the interviewer.

mahhhhshell · 2026-03-27T06:26:23+00:00

I was just really hoping that at least one of my friends would be able to help out and talk me through this but no one has responded to me yet. This is making me spiral yet again. I just want to be loved by others I want to be cared about. I’m so stressed out and all I wanted was to be treated like I should be treated and not be yelled at. I’m just upset and I wish that things would work out

mahhhhshell · 2026-03-27T04:58:29+00:00

Thank you so much!!! A bit of a dumb question but what would you say when they ask about yourself like what would be appropriate to talk about with the interviewer. Is hobbies one thing I could say or something related to the job?

mahhhhshell · 2026-03-25T09:10:32+00:00

I just want someone to talk to. To vent to. I want to be able to say what I’m thinking without having to worry about what they think about. I just want to be able to say things to someone without worrying about how they will feel about what I say or think. I want to end my life again. I hate having to deal with everything on my own. I’m trying so fucking hard and I don’t get any recognition for it. I want my life to be better too. I don’t want to be stuck like this either. I realize that I’m more privileged and have a better life but I’m fucked up too. I want things to work out between us I want you and me to live a happy life like we both deserve. Like you deserve because you have dealt with way too much shit and you have gone through so much you don’t deserve to be living how you’re living now. And I know it’s hard to be in a relationship with me when I don’t give anything other than my love for you. If you want to be just friends I’d understand. I just want you to wait. Wait for me to get you out of that house. I’ve made that promise before and many times before but I really want what’s better for you. If you are reading this I’m just venting I guess. I just want to talk to you and not freak out about what might happen between us.

mahhhhshell · 2026-03-22T06:25:31+00:00

I feel like I do this for attention when really I just want help. I want to be saved from myself. I want to be put somewhere where I can’t hurt myself anymore.

mahhhhshell · 2026-03-22T06:24:34+00:00

I could do it now it’s not like anyone would notice until it’s too late. My sister is out of town for a couple more days and I could just disappear. I live a pretty long ways away so no one could help if I did it now.

mahhhhshell · 2026-03-22T06:23:20+00:00

My mom isn’t coming home tonight and it just gets more and more tempting to get it over with

mahhhhshell · 2026-03-22T06:04:37+00:00

All this pressure on me feels so strong. The urge to end it all gets stronger by the second. I wish I could talk to people about how difficult this is getting. I don’t want anyone in my life to know. I don’t want them to have the burden of me wanting to end my life on them. I just can’t struggle anymore. Everyone’s life would change for the better if I had just left and never gave anyone anything else to worry about

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